


Magic Fingers

by curiobi



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural (TV), Wincest - Fandom, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Anal Sex, BDSM, Dark Sexual Release, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Dubious Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Intense Jelousy, Intense sexual relationship, Intrigue, M/M, Magic Fingers, Many Surprise Characters from Supernatural!, Protective Sam Winchester, SPN - Freeform, Sexual Slavery, Sexual Tension, Soulmates, Supernatural - Freeform, Throw me a little love good people and Please Review ;), Vibrating bed Kink, Wincest - Freeform, castiel - Freeform, please give kudos to poor striving writers generously!, sam and dean - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 06:32:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 52,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curiobi/pseuds/curiobi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p> Sam, Dean, the "Magic Fingers"... <em><b>and pesky Angels who don't know how to knock...</b></em>
</p>
<p>
  <img/>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preface - Legal Disclaimers, Art Tour, Thanks, Synopsis, Characterisation, and Notes

##  ** Legal Disclaimer for this Mini Art Tour **

I **DO NOT** own any of the images posted in this gallery, I simply found them on the internet. The images used in this gallery are a collection of favourite images I used in individual chapters of this story. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made. kudos and sincere thanks to the persons involved in creating these gifs and images.  
In short, I just like to make a mini art gallery for each of my fics because I love the way it looks! ;)

Images will be changed or updated if better _**(hotter)**_ ones are found!

** curiobi  @ ~ . ~ @ **

#  ** ************************** **

"Sam Boss Tops Dean With Style!"

I picked this because it seriously, in the hottest way possible, represents Sam's boss topping! Oh and it's nine shades hotter than hell ya'll, wooo hot diggity dam! Don't you agree?! Thanks to whoever created it!  
**curiobi @ ~.~@**

#  ** ************************** **

"Magic Fingers"

The Magic Fingers help to get Dean ready faster for Sam who has little patience in his hunger for Dean!  
**curiobi @ ~.~@**

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"Coercion"

OH you know what it looks like is going on here! I kind of love Misha/Castiels dirty orgasm expression here probably more than I should... nah I'm right it's hot and I was right to use it! Thanks to whoever made it and to Mr Misha for having epic porn face in this shot!  
**curiobi @ ~.~@**

#  ** ************************** **

"Oh Dean, _You Are Going To Get It Now"_

I think this pretty much sums up Sam's preferred way of dealing with Dean the second they get through the motel door- and really, _who can blame him!_  
**curiobi @ ~.~@**

#  ** ************************** **

"Birthday Kiss"

Dean gives Sam a kiss on his Seventeenth Birthday, because Sam only had one wish, one reply when Dean asked him what he wanted for a present.  
**curiobi @ ~.~@**

#  ** ************************** **

"Hunter Nap"

As manips go this is both super cute and awesome, I especially like the way the artist managed to make Dean look like he dozed off on Sam's chest... after Sam fucked him really hard of course!  
**curiobi @ ~.~@**

#  ** ************************** **

**A FEW FAVES:**

"Discovered"

"Sam begged you to comfort him after Jessica and you who denies him nothing gave him what he wanted"

"Secret Kiss in the Forest"

"Sammy I get all Tingly When You Take Control Like That"

"Sam Likes It Hot"

#  ** ************************** **

###### 

##  ** Legal Disclaimer for this Fan Fiction **

**I do not own Supernatural;** Kripke owns everything, ALL HAIL THE OVERLORD! ;)

#  ** ************************** **

##  ** Thanks  **

Eternal thanks to Mr Eric Kripke and the rest of the Supernatural universe for being so generous and encouraging with the fandom. Kudos to the persons that created the images used in this Fanfiction, and thanks to the people that posted them to the net. Special thanks to the creators of the many gifs that I have used, and very special thanks to A03 for allowing the use of gifs in documents and for being awesome in general! ;)  
**curiobi @ ~.~@**

#  ** ************************** **

##  ** Synopsis **

_Sam, Dean, and pesky Angels who don't know how to knock..._

#  ** ************************** **

##  ** Characterisation for Sam and Dean In Magic Fingers (also a well justified rant!) **

In the interest of not overusing the word fuck, in this Synopsis, characterisation, and notes section, I will be substituting with the words **pluck** as in “I admire his pluck and courage, or plucking courage if you will”, or **feck** , as the Irish say as in 

_“Sam yer great fecking eidjit, what the feck do you mean you hit a fecking dog and almost had a heart attack but you don’t give a feck that Dean is stuck in purgatory, what the actual feck are you playing at you 7 foot useless fecking article!_"  ** >:-( ** 


So yes, characterisation for Sam is very much season 5 characterisation which is just as well because that’s where the story starts!

Simply put good reader in this story Sam is madly, and I mean **madly** in love with Dean **so in your face season eight writers** … I mean honestly how can you asshats write for the show when you clearly don’t watch it enough to know that Sam would never, **and I mean _never_**! just leave Dean at the mercy of another frigging dimension whether he thought he might be Dead or not, and even if he did think he was dead he would not rest until he knew for sure, **then he would go after his soul and jam it back in his body,**

I mean season 4 he admitted to trying to open the devils gate… _ **OPEN THE FRIGGING DEVILS GATE!-** _ thereby unleashing untold demons on earth to get his brother back!

Sam even tried to sell his own soul to get Dean back, he threw himself in the pit to save Dean, but roll on season 8 and new writers and he can't be so much as bothered to do a little research and give a –radio edit- about the fact Dean (not to mention poor little k-Tran) could be anywhere, no, he was far too busy with farmers markets, organic produce, stray dogs, and that rancid bitch Amelia well **PLUCK THAT** , and I mean until it's **bald headed! -** that’s no slight on the actress who played her who I have seen in other things and liked her, it is not her fault that the character was badly written and had nowhere to go and there was zero and I mean zero chemistry between Sam and Amelia. 

I can only hope that was intentional so we didn’t get too attached when Sam decided to leave her and go back to the hunt- NOT BACK TO DEAN MIND YOU, back to the hunt.

And yes they threw us that care a damn about Sam and Dean's relationship a freaking bone with how furious Dean was with Sam for leaving him to rot in purgatory over a girl, and then how murderously jealous Sam was of Benny, in fact, Sam was so damn jealous of Benny and Dean's relationship it was borderline hot, but he still should have gone to look for him, stray dogs be damned; and excuse me but when in the hell does having a dog or a girlfriend, or dog and girlfriend mean you can't check to see if your brother is alive or dead? 

What are you trying to tell me? That Sam frigging Winchester with his IQ and research skills can't multi task? **forget that noise.**

Honestly first the Samulet hits the trash and now this… _**why do these writers mock my pain!?**_

To which, I'm sure the writers would reply:

while twirling their evil moustaches and swirling their glass of evil Cognac!

Well thankfully I'm a writer too and there's no such thing as the Samulet hitting the trash in this version of the story thank you very much… sadly as far as the rest of the story goes, I think I may be worse at mocking my own pain then the damn spn writers sigh...

** curiobi @~.~@**

###### 

#  ** ************************** **

##  ** Notes **

This section will get updated with new information not directly related to chapter content, such as news about updates

November 22 2014, I am a little swamped with university coursework at the moment so updates are even slower than usual, which is saying something, apologise and please know I am trying my best, thanks.

** curiobi @~.~@ **

#  ** ************************** **

##  ** Alright, let's have it! **

Last but certainly not least, I do not, never have, and never will use the explicit tag lightly, anything I write is either sexually explicit, violent, or both because that is what the explicit tag is for, yes asshats who use the tag because somebody said a bad word or simply looked at a member of the same sex, I'm looking at and judging you! Now for those of us who are adults who want to read adult literature lets have it! ladies and gentle-male types I give to you **Magic Fingers!**


	2. Breaking Point

The second they returned to their motel room Sam slammed the door then slammed Dean up against it raining hot open mouthed kisses all over his body while undressing him in record time.

‘Sam take it easy’ Dean groaned as Sam pushed him down naked on to the bed, sliding a quarter into the magic fingers machine and cranking it up to maximum, ‘we got all afterno- **_oh god_ ’’ **Dean groaned his eyes sliding shut.

Their hunt was going nowhere, it was raining outside, _and he was at breaking point_ , he'd been riled up all afternoon, coming seriously close to making Dean pull over the Impala so he could have him in the back seat, he'd barely held it together until they reached the motel room and he couldn’t wait anymore, ‘want you now Dean’ he growled pulling of his own “FBI” tie, his eyes narrowing with lust as he watched Dean vibrating on the bed while he quickly stripped himself, tossing his clothes aside and laying on top of Dean kissing him hard and fast, the vibrations rubbing their heated bodies together hot and intense as he ravaged Dean's mouth.

He slicked them both quickly trying to get Dean ready for him with his fingers while kissing him, then lining himself up and trying to push forward. It was always difficult at first because Dean was so _tight_ , and the vibrating bed wasn’t exactly helping his aim right now, he should have remembered to start the Magic Fingers _after_ he at least got partway inside him like he usually did, but then again the way Dean was already so hot and turned on as he vibrated underneath him was totally worth a little trouble lining himself up, besides, the magic fingers -which he had always thought were just useless and dreaded having in a room knowing Dean would use it every chance he got and drive him mad with the noise-, were now something he actively sought out in a motel room ever since discovering that they got Dean almost instantly ready to try taking him all at once.

He knelt up between Dean's legs holding him as still as he could while rubbing his hard cock over the right spot and pushing forward until he breeched him, the Magic Fingers heightening every sensation as he slowly drove all the way home. Dean groaned aloud sucking in his breath, his expression changing from pleasure to pleasure-pain as Sam gave him all he had, and he didn’t really know what it said about him that he'd developed a serious thing for that look on Dean's face, ‘so fucking hot trying to take me,’ he growled laying over Dean and kissing him hard, murmuring ‘almost there, that’s it take all of me beautiful, love _you like this_ ’ against his mouth.

‘Don't call me beautiful’, Dean half moaned half hissed, turning his face away and biting into his lower lip.

Sam kissed a hot path across Dean's cheek coaxing his teeth away from his lower lip, so he could slide his own tongue into his mouth and taste him as the restraint of holding still inside Dean while Dean vibrated so tightly around him began to eat away at what little control he had left. He kissed Dean hot, wet, and savage, taking his mouth like he wanted to take his body and finally Dean started responding, gripping his shoulders, and wrapping his bowed legs around him perfectly, which as always drove him crazy, and he knew he wasn’t going to last long, as he finally started moving.

Usually he liked to take it slow with Dean, holding out for as long as he could, but he was at his limit after wanting him all day, and Dean was vibrating so hot and tight around him that every thrust was driving him closer to the edge making him speed up, unable to control himself as his pace became fast and frantic, even as he tried to hold out for those precious moments longer.

‘Fuck, aww Sam, not gonna last’ Dean moaned, making Sam moan low and hungry, the last of his self control snapping as he realised Dean was even closer to the edge then he was.

‘Dean’ Sam growled hitting just the right spot inside him and staying there as Dean moaned his name. _‘Come for me’_ he commanded, his tongue delving into Dean's mouth dominating him hot and demanding, holding nothing back.

The fire that always burned between them, became an inferno, blazing out of control as Dean was quickly overcome, his climax crashing into him sudden fierce and merciless, the vibrating bed intensifying his orgasm, and reducing him to a shuddering wreck.

‘That’s it, yes, you feel so good Dean, ‘ _you're making me come so hard’_ Sam growled intensely, Dean's climax pushing him violently over the edge, as he held Dean's hips, slamming into him and Dean tightened even more around him, becoming a hot vibrating vice around his cock, milking him so hard his whole body went rigid as he roared out his pleasure-

‘-What are you two doing?’ a voice suddenly rasped.

**_Castiel!_ **


	3. Family

Dean froze underneath Sam, which was no small feat when you were on a vibrating bed. The magic fingers chose that particular moment to start running down, and the room which had been a cacophony of noise just moments before was suddenly eerily silent. Castiel had _completely_ ruined the moment for Sam, and as Dean suddenly unfroze his eyes darting to where Sam could only assume Castiel was standing behind him he started trying to push him off, but he held Dean down and locked eyes with him hissing ‘no Dean, _stay where you are’_ under his breath, ‘he has no right to just barge into our room and start asking stupid questions’. Sam didn’t even turn around to look at Castiel as he growled between clenched teeth ‘How the hell did you find us when we didn’t tell you where we were?’

‘A street preacher was reporting your location, I came to warn you that others might try to find you, but I didn’t expect to find you doing whatever it is that you are doing’.

‘What does it _look_ like we’re doing?’ Sam snapped.

‘It _looks_ like you are committing incest and fornication’.

‘Well yes that’s exactly what we’re doing, _gold star for you_ , so you wanna go away now and give us some privacy?’

‘No. I would like you to remove yourself from Dean and give us some privacy, I need to speak to him alone’.

  


#  ** ************************** **

  


A very annoyed Sam had just left in the impala to go and buy dinner. The street preacher had been zapped elsewhere by Castiel and was currently in rapture over being touched by an Angel of the lord, and Castiel was just sitting on the very same bed he had just caught Dean and Sam on and was staring at Dean intently as he walked out of the bathroom cleaned up and dressed.

‘Well you said you wanted to talk to me, and you practically ran Sam out of here so talk already’.

‘Why were you letting Sam do that to you?’

‘What do you mean _letting_?’

Castiel looked blank for a moment ‘I don’t understand, is Sam forcing you in some way? does this machine he was using compel you to-’

‘-What _machine_? what the hell are you talking about? Oh… you mean the Magic Fingers! Oh well you could say it er compels me in some ways yeah, but no _No!_ -Don't look like that Cas, Sam isn't forcing me to do anything, I meant I'm not just _letting_ him do that to me, we're er, doing it together, I mean we are together, oh come on Cas stop acting like a child’ Dean snapped, ‘you know what I'm trying to say, Sam and I are together, we have been for a long time now’.

‘Why?’

‘We just are Cas, why the hell do you care?’

‘I care a great deal, people say things about you two, Zachariah in particular has had a lot to say but I never believed that-’

‘-Yeah well you butt buddy Zach can suck it’.

‘Suck what?’

Dean ran his hand over his face and sighed. ‘You know what forget it, and what do you mean you care a great deal, why?’

‘Dean I had thought that after we stop Michael and Lucifer, that you and I might… pursue a relationship’.

‘Er… you did?’

‘Yes’.

‘Wow I don’t know what to say Cas, I mean I didn’t know you thought about me like that’.

‘Of course I do, I love you Dean you know that’.

‘No I didn’t know that’.

‘After everything I've given for you, after everything I've done for you, how could you not?’

‘I thought we were family, I thought you felt the same way about me as I do about you, you're the only friend I've ever had, and you became more than that to me, family is the most important thing to me, so well, that’s what you are to me’.

Castiel looked confused for a moment and then asked slowly, ‘am I family to you the way Sam is? Could you be with me like you are with him?’

‘I'm not sure I understand what you’re asking me Cas’.

‘Could you let me have you the way you let Sam’.

‘I told you I don’t just _let_ him, we’re together’.

‘I want to be together with you too Dean, I want to lay you down on this bed and use the ‘magic fingers’ on you, I want you to look the way you did with Sam when I came in here, but I want you to look like that _for_ _me’,_ Castiel moved closer to Dean, ‘will you let me?’

‘Er, Cas, Sam and I, we’re kinda exclusive, I mean not when it comes to other women, he's pretty cool about that, well up to a point anyway, but there's a pretty clear no other guys rule, -Sam really is the jealous type, he won't ever be okay with it’.

Castiel thought about it for a moment, ‘fine’ he rasped firmly, ‘then we won't tell him’.

Dean's mouth opened in shock, ‘ _some Angel you are Cas!_ How can you be okay with something like that you're basically saying we should-’

‘-I am saying you should be with me and not tell your brother yes, because him knowing would upset him and you don’t want that, and I am willing to go along with whatever's going on with you and Sam because it is clearly what you want, -but you are what _I_ want Dean, and if that means we can't tell Sam about it then so be it’.

‘Cas it would never work Sam knows me too well and I'm really not that good at lying to him, believe me I've tried, it **_always_** comes back to bite me in the ass one way or another’.

‘I am not saying you should _lie_ to him, I am saying you should not tell him, there is a difference Dean’.

Dean sighed ‘I can't do that to him, we trust each other again after so much has happened, I can't risk losing that, me and Sam, we’re all we got, I can't just-’

Castiel leaned over and fused his lips to Dean's cutting off his words. ‘I've wanted to do that to you for a long time Dean, and I want to do more, the problem is you thinking I'm going to take no for an answer. I held back all this time because I believed you were adverse to being with me because I am in a male vessel, but you were with Sam, on this bed, and he is male not just residing in one, if you can be with him then you can be with me’.

‘Cas come on it's not that simple’.

‘Yes Dean, it is’.

‘No it isn't!’

‘Then I will make it simple Dean, I will not touch you this time, the first time I am with you I don’t want it to be after Sam has had you, but I will be back Dean and when I am prepare yourself to receive me’.

Castiel disappeared as Dean's mouth fell open in shock, he didn’t even realise he hadn't moved from his spot until Sam came back into the room looking more pissed off then he had seen him in a while, he had take-out in his hands and was scowling.

**_‘So what the hell did Castiel have to say to you that was so important it couldn’t wait?’_ **


	4. Pie

‘Er it was nothing’.

‘Yeah sure that's why you look like your EMF meter just spiked, don't lie to me Dean what did he want?’

‘You wouldn't believe me if I told you Sam and it's nothing important. So, bacon cheeseburger? You didn't forget the pie did you?’

Sam sighed exasperated, but he slowly took the pie out of the paper bag, ‘no I didn't forget the pie’. Sam's voice lowered, ‘did you forget you promised to let me feed it to you slowly and have you afterwards if I went out and got it so you and Cas could have you super secret little chat?’

 ** _He had._** ‘Um, no’.

‘Well I hope you're still warm for me Dean’.

‘Oh come on Sam don’t say corny stuff like that’.

Sam smiled at him ‘guess I’ll have to come over there and find out’.

 

#  ** ************************** **

 

There were pie crumbs all over the bed and Sam was pounding hard into Dean seconds away from climax, but Dean was distracted and he wasn’t there yet, ‘come on Dean I'm close I can't hold out much longer’, Sam groaned stroking Dean's cock just the way he liked. He knew it was good for Dean when he didn’t have to bring him off like this, but clearly Dean's mind was elsewhere. Sam didn't like one sided pleasure, so he slowed down and concentrated all his efforts on making Dean come.

Dean liked to be kissed and played with, he had super sensitive nipples, coming apart for him when he tongued and bit them and the right side of his neck was almost ticklish, making him squirm when he kissed him there and actually making him shiver when he licked him there. _He knew every inch of Dean's body,_ and he was going to make Dean forget whatever he was thinking about and focus on him only.

‘Do you like this Dean?’ Sam teased kissing along the right side of his neck slowly, timing his kisses with the slow movements of his hips.

‘Yeah’ Dean moaned softly.

‘Say yeah I like that _baby brother’._

‘Quit being a perv Sammy’.

‘Oh yeah that works too’ Sam moaned moving harder inside Dean, _‘call me **Sammy** again’._

Dean couldn’t speak for a moment as Sam shifted his hips doing amazing things inside him, pinning his hands above his head groaning ‘ _big brother’_ in his ear, then kissing and licking the most sensitive spot on his neck, before kissing his way down his neck to his chest, teasing his nipples into hard peaks and then biting them until he bucked up against him.

‘Does that feel good baby?’

Dean's breath hitched in his suddenly tightly constricted throat as he panted, ‘yeah it feels really good, _and don't call me baby_ , I hate that’.

‘I know, _tough guy_ , now shut up and let me kiss you. I love how soft your lips are’, Sam groaned in between kisses as he moved a little faster coaxing Dean to move in time with him, ‘I could seriously kiss you all day and be hard as rock the entire time’.

‘Don't start going on about my mouth again’, Dean panted breathlessly as Sam rotated his hips, his cock moving in little intense circles inside him.

‘The Magic Fingers machine is broken’ Dean moaned wistfully ‘I think Cas put some evil mojo on it’.

Sam sat up and rearranged Dean, pulling one of Dean's legs up across his chest wrapping his arms around it and straddling his other leg at the thigh, ‘well I'm just going to have to show you my own version of the magic fingers then’.

‘Huh? what are you- Oh my god, _oh my god’_ Dean shouted as Sam suddenly started jack-hammering into him in short shallow strokes, ‘just like that, right there, right there, **_right there,_** OH FUCK, _Sammy’_. Dean's body twisted helplessly _and Sam was merciless,_ relentlessly keeping up a almost superhuman pace showing Dean his full strength, technique, and stamina, his ultra fast motions rubbing the right spot inside Dean so intensely it pushed him to orgasm insanely fast. ‘Oh god’, Dean moaned helplessly his entire body shaking under the rapid onslaught, ‘Oh fuck Sammy ‘I'm gonna come’, he shouted in a strangled roar, ‘ ** _I'm gonna come so fucking hard_** _, don’t stop, **don’t stop,** keep doing that, Sam, Sam, SAMMY’,_ and suddenly he couldn't speak anymore, his throat closed off and he was reduced to making crazy unintelligible sounds as Sam took him so ferociously the entire bed was shaking, and the magic fingers were suddenly **_completely obsolete_** in Dean's book because Sam was better, **_Sam was so much better._**

Dean was coming apart for him, his mouth open, his back arching, his fists fiercely gripping the sheets, his entire body convulsing with every hard spurt of his seed, Sam put his full weight behind his pounding hips, his own climax battering into him as his seed raced from him hard. Dean threw his head back his body shuddering violently as his climax raged through him and Sam bit into his exposed neck, **_not caring if he marked what was his_** as he rammed deep into Dean, filling him and Dean shouted out his name the way he liked best, loud, broken, and desperate, making him come harder and harder.

Dean was panting underneath Sam and struggling to breathe, he couldn't remember coming that hard in a while, his entire body was _still_ tingling, and Sam couldn't even move.

Sam finally rolled onto his back throwing his forearm over his eyes as he gasped ‘Fuck Dean, that was amazing you should get distracted on me more often, seems to really bring out my A game’.

Speaking of Sam's A game, why had Sam never done that -whatever that move was called- to him before? _and where the hell did he learn it?_ He was going to ask, but as his brain slowly came back online and he could just about string a coherent thought together he knew the answer.

Sam researched _everything_ he wanted to know about, of _course_ he researched new sex positions and how to do them, it was just the kind of super hot nerd his little brother was. -Well he was seriously glad Sam had learned _that_ particular new trick because he had been so distracted by what happened with Cas earlier that his head just wasn’t in it and Sam was ready way before him, but gotta love his Sammy, he never did take defeat as an option, and he'd been so determined to make him come first he had gone at him until they were both half crazy.

Dean lay there wishing he could just be in the moment and forget about what had happened with Cas earlier for a little longer, but despite the mind blowing sex, he was still in the same situation, he still didn’t know what to do about Cas, and he still didn’t want to tell Sam about it. He knew Sam would not take the news that Castiel was pretty much insisting they carry on some kind of secret affair under his nose as anything less than all out declaration of war between them, **_and that was putting it mildly._**


	5. Home

Sam pulled Dean into his arms despite his objections and ran his hand over the mark on his shoulder. It was something he did every time they were together like this, it had become a force of habit for him, as if he was trying to smooth the brand away and reclaim this part of Dean for himself.

Now thanks to Castiel he couldn't even look at Dean's shoulder without feeling that someone had marked _his **home**_ ; because this was the place on Dean's body that was home to him, the place that was just as intimate and special as being inside him.

This was the place he could touch in public without arousing suspicion, the place he could rub against when they walked close together, the place he spent most of his childhood resting his head and falling asleep while Dean teased him for being a girl.

This was the place he was leaning his head the first time he realised he was breathing in Dean's scent and thinking about kissing him.

This was the place he was resting his head the first time he realised that he was seriously in love with his brother and it wasn’t just a phase he would outgrow.

_This was the place he buried his face and stifled his cries the first time he had sex with Dean._

To anyone else the shoulder might not seem a particularly intimate place to be marked, but to him _it was one of the worst places Castiel could have marked Dean._

He had a thing for Grabbing Dean by the shoulders and putting the ‘‘man kiss’’ on him, so he could feel that addictive moment when Dean stopped resisting and melted into the kiss, which usually snapped his control and made him start undressing Dean, but now when he was unbuttoning Dean's fake-fbi shirt, or ripping of his hunter-wear and kissing along his neck and beautiful shoulders as he lay him down on the bed, or fucked him hard up against the wall _Castiel's handprint was there._

When he was around 3 or 4 he'd loved to scoot down on the sofa next to his brother while he watched a movie, but Dean loved monster movies and he was afraid, so instead of teasing him Dean set up a safe zone with cushions in a little fort so the monsters couldn't get them, and put his arm around him, and let him bury his face in his shoulder when he was scared. These days when he pretended he was still scared and buried his face in Dean's shoulder during a ‘‘scary’’ scene, Dean would laugh until he pulled him down into a hot hard kiss and they both quickly forgot about the movie.

On The rare occasions when Dean was topping him, fucking him until he was delirious and out of his mind with pleasure, He always found himself sinking his teeth into Dean's shoulder _because Dean could do things to him that nobody else could,_ and in those moments when Dean made him his, and it all became too much to take, he was biting into Dean's shoulder because while screaming could always be played off as primal and therefore by default manly _sobbing just couldn’t_.

**_But now Castiel's handprint was there._ **

Yes Castiel had saved Dean and he would always be grateful for that, _but of all places to mark him **, why here?**_

As he held Dean tighter in his arms and covered the mark with his much larger hand, he wondered for the millionth time if he would ever get over the feeling that Castiel had stolen something from him, and for the millionth time he knew deep down he wouldn't, because this feeling wasn’t rational, it was **_primal_** , _Dean's body was **his territory**_ , and he **_hated_** seeing Castiel's mark on what was his just as much today as he did all that time ago at Pamela's, when he first realised that someone had permanently burned _their_ handprint into _his_ brother.

Finding out who the hand print belonged to and watching him stare into his brothers eyes as if the two of them shared something beyond what he and Dean shared had not made things any easier, but he had been able to placate himself with the knowledge that Castiel was almost childlike in his innocence. However, Castiel had changed a lot since literally falling from grace to side with Dean, _and Dean seemed to be the only one who couldn’t see it._

When Castiel had shown up today when Dean was laying naked underneath him, it had been a stark reminder to him that someone else knew Dean's body as intimately as he did, - _because how much more intimate could you get then rebuilding Dean from his atoms up **and permanently branding him**? _ -And Being reminded yet again that Castiel had literally been inside Dean had pissed him off just as much as being discovered in such a critical moment. _Trust fucking Castiel to fly in on them like that,_ it could have flown in on an overly intimate hug or a simple kiss, but no, he had to catch them actually having sex.

Dean snuggling into him snapped him out of his thoughts because it was something he rarely if ever did even after sex.

Sam's arms immediately came around Dean, ‘alright _that's it’_ he murmured quietly, ‘I don’t care whether you think I'm going to believe it or not, I need to know what happened between you and Cas because it's clearly freaking you out’.

‘What a guy can't just want to cuddle after his brother fucks him senseless?’

‘Not without some smart ass comment about you not being the girl who needs hours of cuddling and talking after sex like me. Usually you just roll over and go to sleep, honestly, sometimes I don’t know if I'm making love to you or giving you a night cap before bed so you can rest easy’.

‘I thought I told you those two words were banned’.

‘And I told you, I don't **_fuck_** you Dean I **_make love_** to you _there's a difference’_.

‘Oh someone just shoot me now’.

‘If you don't start talking about what happened between you and Cas, someone might just shoot you now, and by someone I mean me, so talk, spill it, tell me what happened’.

‘Cas er… well after he saw us today, he um… kind of thinks that…’

_‘Dean will you just tell me what happened’._

‘Well Cas said that what we're doing is wrong, and he was kinda disgusted us being brothers and all, I'm just not used to really getting into it with him is all’.

Sam was quiet for a moment as his arms tightened around Dean ‘I was afraid it was something like that’.

‘Easy there gigantor before you crush me to death’.

‘Sorry. Listen Dean it's none of Castiel's business what we do, we've earned the right to a little bit of happiness after everything we've been through and how hard we fought to find our way back to each other. Castiel has **_no right_** to try to make things difficult for us, just you remember that, and I'm going to tell him the same thing’.

‘What, er no, there's no point, I told him straight and he got it in the end, I guess I just preferred him not knowing, I mean not even Bobby knows, we've kept it to ourselves all these years because we’ve always thought that even the people closest to us probably wouldn’t understand, maybe I was just hoping Cas would prove me wrong’.

Sam kissed the top of Dean's head where it lay against his chest as he held Dean in his arms, ‘I know he's your friend, I know you and he have something special, something I can't be a part of, because I didn’t raise you from perdition and leave my damn hand print all over your body’.

‘…um, okay’.

‘Don't get me wrong Dean, I'm grateful he bought you back to me, I'm just saying that he didn’t exactly do it out of the goodness of his heart, he was under orders; and no matter what him rescuing you doesn't give him the right to interfere in things that are none of his business. We're not hurting anyone being together like this Dean, we love each other, we always have, if he doesn't want to understand that, _that’s his problem not ours’_.

‘I guess I was kinda hoping he'd at least try to see it our way’.

‘I'm sorry Dean but sometimes I think you forget what Castiel is too easily. Yeah he's your friend, _but he's still an Angel_ , you can't really be all that surprised that he objected to what he saw, our relationship is against the rules in heaven and on earth, and besides he did get the up close and personal view, I guess most people would object to walking in on that’.

‘Hey I happen to know I look hot in bed, so you speak for yourself’.

Sam smiled ‘you’re right you do look pretty damn hot in bed, I've always liked you best that way, I'm just saying Cas might not have found it quite as hot as I do. I guess the best we can hope for now is that he keeps his mouth shut about it and doesn't just pop in on us unannounced again. I really don’t want to go back to that, “discovery adds a hint of danger” thing before he carved those symbols into our ribs. I like being able to take my time with you, having to rush through it so he didn't barge in on us got old real quick. Sam kissed the top of Dean's head murmuring ‘I love wringing all the pleasure I can out of you for as long as I can, _I like making love to you slowly’._

‘Banned Sammy, **that phrase is _banned_ ’**’.

Sam smiled and tilted Dean's chin up lowering his lips to Dean's and kissing him, ‘you keep telling yourself that’.

‘ _Such a girl_ ’’.

‘Really’, Sam smiled ‘well if I'm supposed to be the girly one then why are you so shy about me telling you how much I love kissing you, and stroking you, and tasting you and-’

‘-Sam you better shut up’.

‘My big brother, so hot and macho, _but so damn cute when he's awkward and blushing’._

_‘ **You are really asking for it Sammy’.**_

Sam moved on top of Dean laying over him and rubbing his hard cock up against him, ‘I could say the same thing about you, god Dean you have no idea how smoking **_hot_** you look when you're blushing, _makes me so fucking hard’_.

‘Would you shut up with that! I'm a _hunter_ Sammy, **_hunters don’t blush_ ,** we wouldn’t know how’.

Sam looked into Dean's eyes for a moment ‘I'm about to do the banned thing to you again, are you okay with that’.

Dean's hands came around Sam's neck as he stared into his eyes, ‘I might be, that depends what you got for me little brother’.

Sam kissed Dean's lips groaning ‘ _l love it when you call me that’._

‘I know you do Sammy, that’s how I know just how messed up you truly are’.

‘Oh now you’re just trying to make me come before I even start calling me Sammy _and_ little brother’.

Dean grinned, ‘is it working?’

 _‘It always works_ , now say it again’.

Dean kissed Sam's ear and whispered ‘Sammy’.

‘Maybe you should call me that a few more times’, Sam groaned working his way into Dean ‘ah, you're _so damn tight_ , come on Dean relax for me, you'd think with this being the third time today you'd be nice and open for me’.

‘Yeah about that, three times in one morning? What's up with you today Sam, you been secretly taking V or something?’

‘As if I’d ever need pills to get hard for you’ Sam hissed trying to hold back as he slowly slid inside of Dean.

‘ _Sweet talker’_.

‘Shut up; and we've done it more times than this in a day before’.

‘Yeah but not for a while’.

‘Well what can I say, I'm just really hot for you today, now shut up and kiss me hard like you mean it’.

Dean kissed Sam the way he liked rough and demanding tangling his hands in his hair.

‘Yeah like that, that’s how I like it’ Sam breathed against Dean's mouth, as he finally slid all the way home and started moving inside him.

‘You feel so good, always so tight and warm, makes me wanna come too soon, _fuck you’ve got a beautiful ass’._

‘ _Will you stop talking about my ass_ , what is it with you and that?’

Sam kissed Dean, ‘like your any different when you’re in _my_ ass’.

‘Yeah well your ass is **_mine_** Sammy’, Dean growled his hands travelling to Sam's ass and gripping him there as he moved inside him ‘always has been, always will be, _of course I'm gonna keep telling you that when I'm inside you’._

Sam's breath hitched in his throat as he started to move faster and harder ‘your ass is mine as well Dean and you better not **_ever_** forget it. _I mean it Dean_ , if you ever let another man anywhere near it I'm going to **_kill_** him, then I'm going to lock you up and-’

‘-Sam’ Dean groaned starting to feel the first tremors of his climax, ‘you're one seriously messed up overgrown little savage you know that?’

‘I am when it comes to you Dean and you better remember it’.

Dean arched his back, his climax slamming into him as Sam's face contorted as he fucked him harder. ‘I'm gonna come Dean, **_tell me you love me’._**

‘I love you’ Dean panted his climax gripping him hard.

‘ _Me and only me Dean, **say it’.**_

‘You and only you’ Dean gasped out, his voice strangled in his throat, his whole body convulsing as Sam pounded him releasing jet after jet of heat inside him.

‘You're mine Dean,’ Sam growled his body spasming hard over Dean, his last few thrusts deep and hard making Dean cry out and grit his teeth.

‘I love you’ he moaned in Dean's ear, squeezing Dean's cock hard, milking the last of his climax out of his over-sensitised tip making Dean convulse harder and harder until he was pushing at his chest to make him stop.

Sam flashed a grin of triumph at him that said “wore you out, _made you beg_ ” then relented, rolling them over so he didn’t crush him, pulling Dean into his arms, glad that Dean wasn’t making a fuss about being held afterwards, until he realised that Dean had fallen asleep almost instantly and sighed.

It always took him a while to fall asleep after sex with Dean, he didn’t think it was because he had a higher sex drive than his horny older brother, it was just that once he got started his body needed time to wind down. Dean on the other hand seemed to be able to turn his sexuality on and off just like that, and these days it was a skill he actually envied, because Dean seemed to be in the mood less, and less _**and he wanted it more and more.**_


	6. Belong

A while back they had got into a pretty heated argument when it had seemed that Dean was suggesting he find someone else to satisfy him, Dean swore later that he had actually been referring to him watching Casa Erotica and jerking off to it, but at the time he had misunderstood and his jealous side had emerged, he'd thought if Dean wanted him to go and screw someone else then he had to be thinking about doing the same thing, in fact maybe he had _already_ done it and was trying to cover it up by saying he should do the same, just the mere _thought_ of Dean with another man had bored into his brain like a hot drill and he'd lost it completely, in the end it had taken a half hour shouting match, Dean smashing a motel lamp in frustration, and some pretty aggressive sex even by his standards when Dean tried to storm out of the door, before he had been able to even _think_ about calming down.

Mostly he didn’t like to be like that with Dean, he liked making love to him in every sense of the word, he liked touching him slowly, tasting him, licking him, relishing the different gasps and moans and growls of pleasure he made as he pleased him in different ways. Most of all he loved making Dean come more than once, something that never happened on the rare occasions he was seriously rough with him. Dean was just too used to violence and aggression in his life and while he responded to it sexually, it was almost as if he did it on autopilot, and it just couldn’t compare to the way he made him come when he got him to surrender through skill rather than brutality.

These days however he had to admit he had rage burning through him more than ever before which Dean occasionally bore the brunt of, and the casa erotica argument as he thought of it now was one of those times. It ended with him throwing Dean over the stupid little breakfast table in the cheap little motel room they were in and fucking him senseless until the tables spindly wooden legs snapped and broke, and that hadn't stopped him in fact he hadn't cared less he had just forced Dean onto all fours and taken him right there on the floor amongst the debris of the broken table, and then on one of the stupid single beds Dean always insisted they have, and he hadn't stopped not when Dean cried out for him to, not even when he **begged** him to, _he hadn't stopped until he made him **scream** , _shouting over and over that he was still the _only_ one that **_ever_** got to have him.

By the time he finally made Dean come for him, he'd been holding off for so long to get him there, it set him off on his own climax which was so intense it damn near killed him, and he was ashamed to admit he'd enjoyed it _way more_ than he should have considering how brutally rough he'd been.

But as good as if felt physically while it was happening, _he didn’t like the way he felt afterwards_ ; he'd hated how quiet and still Dean was, -none of his usual cat like stretching and yawning aloud almost contentedly-, he'd even missed the usual fuss Dean made as he tried to weasel his way out of what he'd labelled _“Sammy's misty eyed girly cuddling time”_ even as his head rested perfectly on his chest and he _“reluctantly”_ surrendered to his strictly non negotiable _“at least 15 minutes of being held afterwards rule”._

He often fell asleep with Dean in his arms

but when he woke up Dean was always in his own bed

It pissed him off to no end, but short of tying Dean to the bed –which he was seriously starting to consider- there wasn’t much he could do about it so he tried to put up with it.

On that night Dean had stayed with him for less than three minutes and then got up and _limped_ over to his own bed, and he had felt so guilty he didn’t even do what he usually did if Dean tried to skip out early on him, which was to drag him back into his bed and start the 15 minutes _mandatory_ after sex holding time from scratch.

Everything had just felt _wrong_ for a while afterwards and he hadn't been able to sleep, in the end he'd literally got down on his knees next to Dean's bed and begged him to just talk to him and tell him he was okay and that he wasn’t lying there just hating him.

Dean had told him to shut up and go to sleep, but he'd sounded like he was in pain, and ever since then he'd tried to never touch Dean when he was that angry with him, _it didn’t end well_ , and it just didn’t compare to the feeling he got when he was doing all the right things to get Dean to show a rare kink in his armor and surrender to him. Admittedly, it took a while to get Dean to the point where he was really driving him crazy and Dean give up all his control, dominance, and bossy older brother status, becoming submissive, pliant, and vulnerable, and letting him take complete control, _but it was so **freaking hot** when he did. _

Dean had once told him that he “got all tingly when he took control like that” but he'd assumed Dean was joking; they were in serious trouble at the time and he wasn’t really paying his usual wise cracking any attention.

He certainly hadn't been able to fully appreciate what Dean was really saying to him. Finally he'd been able to get free of the situation with the trickster, but it had been far from easy, and Dean had to cope with him being “traumatised”. At first Dean had thought he was joking about not letting him out of bed, but he had soon shown him he was serious when he handcuffed his wrists together above his head and manacled him to the bed telling him he was _never_ **_ever_** letting him go again, he was going to keep him underneath him and fuck him until neither of them could move anymore and there was nothing he could do about it. When he'd thrust inside him Dean had said it again, whispering _‘Sammy I get all tingly when you take control like that’_ in his ear, which to his humiliation and Dean's amusement had made him come instantly.

Thankfully he had been so damn hot for his brother he'd been ready for round two almost straight away, and Dean hadn't been laughing then, he'd been sweating and swearing and begging and coming and then all over again. It was the one and only time he'd made love to Dean six times in one day, and the record still stood, maybe permanently, **_because he was pretty damn sure seven times spelled certain death._**

The faces Dean had made when he was forcing him to come a fourth, fifth and sixth time were so insanely beautiful _, so deliciously hot_ , that to this day he occasionally found himself distracted from research or some other routine task he was doing just thinking about it.

Even now after all the years they had been together after everything they had been through, Dean was _still_ the best he had ever had, and he didn’t see anything changing that.

He was secure enough in his relationship with Dean that he could even put up with Dean sleeping with other women, half the time he wasn’t even that jealous about it because it was just sex, very occasionally he slept with other women too, but it never came close to what he felt with Dean so it happened less and less. He wasn’t stupid, he recognised there were some things he couldn’t give Dean sexually that a woman could, there was no sense in getting upset about it… _well mostly,_ it still pissed him off sometimes when Dean flirted with women in front of him, but other times he just shrugged it off, because when it was all said and done Dean came home to **_him_** . They could never have with Dean what he had with him, no matter what, he was the only one that truly got to have him, the only one that got to be inside him. None of them could make Dean surrender the way he could, none of them would ever know how delicious his brother was when he was helplessly surrendering himself to his cock. **_They couldn't give him what he could._**

His tolerance however did not extend to other men in **_any way_** , just the mere _thought_ of another man touching Dean was enough to make him want to **_kill_** someone, and he wasn’t kidding, if Dean _ever_ let another man touch him…

He took and deep breath and tried to relax, fighting off the dark jealousy that was burning through him, rubbing his cheek over the top of Dean's soft hair and inhaling his scent, _Dean was with him,_ in his bed, in his arms, and cas, and the rest of the world who had a problem with that **_could go fuck themselves_**. After everything he'd been through he didn’t care.

The end of damn days was still looming over their heads thanks to him, and super powered entities still wanted to wear them like rented tuxedos to the apocalyptic prom, but tucked away in this generic cheap motel room with Dean sleeping in his arms all he really cared about right now was how he felt in those precious moments when Dean was shivering in his arms and clinging to him in all the ways he would rather die than admit to doing, with his arms wrapped around his back, and his legs wrapped around his waist as he moved deep inside him. In those indescribably beautiful rare moments when their climaxes hit them at exactly the same time, it was as if their hearts were beating as one solid entity instead of two, their simultaneous climaxes leaving them both drained, free and boneless, so he could lie on top of Dean still deep inside him and just hold him, just for a dying short while, those precious short moments where Dean surrendered everything to him and the world didn’t matter because it was just the two of them were the only times that he felt beyond a shadow of a doubt that Dean was completely and utterly **_his_**.

Sam closed his eyes as his body finally wound down and he drifted off to sleep his arms tightening around his brother.

  


#  ** ************************** **

  


It was midday and after pounding the pavement since morning impersonating FBI agents and interviewing everyone they could they still had precisely _bupkis._ Dean had had enough, he was running on fumes, and decided to head back to the motel room and catch up on some sleep, half the people they needed to talk to were out of town camping of all things and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow anyway so they would just have to pick it up again fresh in the morning. Sam decided he wanted to look at some dusty tomes about whatever he had dug up on his first trip to the library two days ago so he dropped him off there and yawned his way back to the motel room.

 _Frigging Sam had really worn him out yesterday._ He thought as he tiredly put the motel key in the lock. Thank god his super nerd powers had started tingling, and he'd headed to the library instead of back to the motel room with him. He could read his brother without trying and he could tell that even after the major go round they had yesterday Sam _still_ wanted more. Thankfully Sam understood that he would be doing it to his unconscious body, because his only plans were to be out as soon as his head hit the pillow, and since Sam was just so chocked full of energy that he didn’t need a nap he was welcome to stay in the library for a few hours if need be, _more peace and quiet for him to nap in._

He could barely drag his feet into the room as he slouched over to the bed and collapsed face first half on half off the bed, reaching out blindly to put a quarter in the magic fingers, ‘oh yeah’ he mumbled when nothing happened ‘that barstard Cas probably broke it’.

The room was quiet, warm, and cosy, and the midday sun shone gently through the windows as he drifted off to sleep.

_Castiel suddenly appeared an inch from his face **and almost gave him a heart attack.**_

 


	7. Revelation

‘Cas, how many frigging times do I have to tell you about personal space?' Dean mumbled sleepily into the pillow snuggling against it as Cas moved back 'and stay out of my dreams, I just need a few hours sleep alright, can't whatever you have to tell me wait 4 damn hours?'

‘I am not in your dream Dean’.

‘Huh?.

‘You are awake, albeit barely, therefore you are not dreaming, we can talk about the complexities of human REM sleep later if it pleases you, right now we have to act before your brother returns, I know he is deep in his research at the library and will not be back for some time yet, so now we can-’

'-Wait, so you’re really here?’ Dean sat up slowly rubbing his eyes sleepily

‘Yes Dean we have already established that I am really in this motel room with you’.

‘Which means I'm not dreaming?’

‘No’.

‘Which means I'm not sleeping?’

‘No’.

**‘ _Well go away so I can’_. **

‘There is no time for that now Dean, you can sleep afterwards, I informed you that when I returned-’

‘-Just hold it right there Cas, I told you, Sam and I are in a relationship, and I'm not about to cheat on him’.

‘I don’t recall you characterising the situation in quite that way Dean, you said you were together, I thought it a moot point you are always ‘together’. Then you said Sam suffers from jealousy so-’

‘-Cas either your deliberately playing dumb with me or you really are a freaking idiot when it comes to human emotions, either way I'm not in the mood, so let me make it real simple for you, I'm saying I can't, do you get that Cas, I can't cheat on Sam with another dude’.

‘Can't or won't?’ he asked seriously his piercing blue eyes narrowing.

Dean sighed and gritted his teeth ‘both’ he barked ‘and for the record, I'm not into guys, just like you thought; Sam is different, he's an exception, but other than Sam I have absolutely no interest in any other guy sticking his-’

‘-If that is the case, then what does Sam have to be jealous about?’

‘Beats me’ Dean shrugged.

‘Maybe as you say, you're brother knows you, maybe he understands as I do that you may not want just any man to have you, but if Sam is an exception, then so am I. You said I was family to you, which means you feel the same for me as you do Sam’.

‘I never said it like that, I mean I did say  you were family to me, and you are Cas, but that doesn't mean I can do the same things with you that I... look Don't go putting words in my mouth I-

‘-It is not words that I want to put into your mouth Dean’.

Dean's mouth fell open in shock, then his eyes narrowed as he began to see a way out of the situation, ‘Cas if I… if I did that to you, would you let this whole thing go?’.

‘I don’t know Dean, would it really be the same as-’

‘-I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but yeah it would, how about we just, urm… fool around a little I guess, then when it does nothing for you you'll realise you got it all wrong, and me awesome guy that I am, I’ll let it slide, and we can have a couple of beers and forget all about it okay?’

'I do not drink Beer Dean'.

Dean rolled his eyes, 'Fine, I'll drink enough for both of us, the main thing is we do this, you wise up, and we never and I mean _never_ speak of it again, okay?’

Castiel looked at Dean for a long moment and then nodded ‘okay’.

 _How the hell had he had found himself in this situation with Cas of all people,_ Okay technically Cas wasn’t an actual dude, so he and Sam had never got round to discussing this being on the “hell no or I start shooting people” list of things that were banned, but then it wasn’t like Sam ever thought he would be messing around with one of the junkless brigade yet alone contemplating throwing one the pity blow, not least of all because he absolutely _**hated**_ doing it, but for Sam he could because he loved him, and he also kind of loved making him lose control and go crazy for him, but that was Sam, this was Cas, and he currently had zero enthusiasm for it.

‘Hang on a minute Cas’, Dean searched out his stash of Whisky and took a long swig, holding it on his tongue and gulping it down,  _dull the pain… and the taste… that was the way._

Castiel looked into his eyes as he returned to him, ‘you don’t want to’.

‘Sure I do’ he lied as he smiled at him, ‘it was my idea wasn’t it, look this happens all the time, boy meets girl, or this case junkless meets awesome cool hunter dude and you know, high octane situations, risking our lives for each other, and you start man-crushing on me or whatever, I get it, and if things were different and I was available, and you know actually into dudes, then maybe we could have been friends with benefits or something, not that we’re doing that’, Deans eyes slid shut as he tried to fight the sinking feeling he was just digging himself a larger hole. ‘Look Cas we’re friends right?’

'Yes Dean'.

‘And because I’m such a great guy, I'm gonna help you understand, that when you build an idea up in your head about something the reality usually can't stand up to the fantasy’.

Castiel tilted his head to one side as he stared into Dean's eyes studying him ‘okay Dean if you say so’.

‘I do say so, so er, how do you want to do this?’

‘I am unsure of how to proceed’.

‘Well er… why don’t you come over here and… _goddamit Cas just get over here’_.

Castiel moved closer to him on the bed and kissed him very softly on the mouth. It was all kinds of strange being kissed by Cas like this, not the hard, for emphasis, kiss he gave him yesterday after he told him he was going to have him, but slowly and tenderly as if they were lovers. Cas had really soft lips he had to give him that, but unlike Sam he didn’t know how to kiss at all.

Guilt began to overwhelm him as Cas began to kiss down the side of his neck which just felt …weird, his hair felt different from Sam's long silky strands and it suddenly occurred to him how used he was to Sam, how Sam got him going without even trying, _how good Sam was_. What would Sam think of this?... Even if it was just Cas he was pretty sure Sam wouldn’t like this at all, heck he didn’t even like it if he made out with women these days, and even if Cas was technically junkless- wait was Cas trying to push him down on the bed and get on top of him… whoa… dude was hard as rock, so maybe junkless wasn't the right word… well if he was this worked up already it was probably best to get this over with, _**fast**_.

‘Maybe you should stand up’.

Castiel stared down at him for a moment then took the hint and stood, and Dean breathed a little sigh of relief as he sat up. He could do this; it was nothing really, just a simple act, Castiel was still a damn virgin, he'd probably blow his stack before he even got it anywhere near his mouth, _**at least that's what he really hoped.**_

Castiel was bigger than he expected as he took a deep breath and unbuckled him, and while he wasn’t as huge as Sam he really hoped it didn’t come down to actually having to blow him, _his jaw always ached after Sam and he hated it._ Okay on with the plan, hopefully this would be over quickly.

He started masturbating him slowly at first but when he didn’t respond he gave him the full service, pumping his wrists and doing everything he liked himself and everything Sam liked him to do to him while Cas just stood there silent, barely moving, and staring at him, **_which wasn’t creepy at all_**. Seriously, why was he so hard if it didn’t like it? But then again this was Cas, impassive was his default setting, maybe he didn’t really know how to respond, ‘If it's good you're supposed to tell me Cas’.

‘It is very good Dean’.

‘Not like that, you’re supposed to moan and tell me what you like and how you like it.’

‘I like it when you pull on it and push back, um, I like everything you’re doing right now, just don’t stop, I can feel something building’.

‘Well that’s good I suppose’.

‘Yes it feels good; I want you to put your mouth on it’.

 _Goddamit_ ‘Urm, sure, okay’ the plan was to try and avoid that at any cost so he sort of kissed it instead, and when he didn’t respond, he started pressing kisses along the length while Cas stood very still just watching him.

‘It feels good Dean’, he rasped ‘I want you to put it inside your mouth’.

Dean realised there was nothing else for it as he slowly, reluctantly, took him into his mouth trying to fight the feeling that he was betraying Sam.

  


Castiel suddenly went crazy on him shaking and shuddering, as he started to come almost instantly and he quickly took his mouth off him because there was _no way_ he was letting Cas come in his mouth, he'd only ever done that with Sam once, and that was just because Sam hadn't warned him in time.

Cas collapsed forward and his sudden dead weight pushed him flat on his back with Cas on top of him absolutely still, ‘er Cas, you still alive?’

‘Yes Dean that was better than anything I could have ever imagined’.

 ** _That_** was better than anything he could have imagined? _Well clearly, he couldn't imagine much._ That was nothing, they barely touched each other and (thankfully) it was over in less than five minutes, him and Sam, _now that could go on for hours_ , until both of them were half dead, and sometimes even at that point Sam was barely getting started. _Cas needed something like that;_ and all he had to do now was find him the right hook up **_fast_ ,** then when some girl, -or dude if that was what he was into now-, was really rocking his world he would get the difference between what they had just done and what it was like when it was actually hot, _and that would be the end of it once and for all._

Now he just had to find the right way to convince Cas to give it a shot with someone else, and remember to drink some whiskey and spill some on the bed or something after Cas left to hide what had happened from Sam… _hiding things from Sam was the last thing he wanted to do_ but it was better than the alternative. There was no explaining _anything_ to Sam when he got jealous over things that weren't even happening,  so it was a pretty safe bet that finding out Cas was actually trying to bang him behind his back **would really set him off.** Judging by what Sam had done to him the last few times he got really jealous his ass would probably be stinging for days afterwards, and as for Cas... _well it wouldn't end well for either of them put it that way_. No Sam couldn't find out, and this was the best way he could think of to button this up fast so he never had to know... **_it wasn't cheeting_** , he was doing what he had to; _although it wasn’t going to be much use if sam came back to find Cas laying on top of him._ 'Hey easy there Cas’, Dean pushed at Castiel's dead weight on him, ‘get off me; _you're way heavier than you look’._

Castiel stayed still for a moment and then slid to Dean's right laying face down beside him, and Dean breathed a small sigh of relief, not just from being relieved of Castiel's weight, but from being one step closer to getting Cas to let go of this ridiculous idea about having him. Cas knew so little he actually thought he'd been satisfied just now, _but_   _he knew a place where the ladies would show him things that would permanently blow the holy nerd-virgin right out of him,_ a little compare and contrast, and Cas would understand the difference, then they could put all this weirdness behind them and go back to just being friends.

Cas was just confusing being horny with being in love and being clueless about sex and feelings he didn’t understand that he just needed a release, so he'd got things mixed up thinking their friendship was something else. So he'd shown him a little of what it was like between them, namely awkward and not hot at all, and now all he had to do was point him in the direction of the nearest brothel, and since this time Cas knew hookers didn’t want or need him telling them the truth about their long lost fathers disappearance maybe he could actually manage to finally get laid… _then again he'd better tag along just in case._

Castiel was shaking next to him and Dean looked over concerned ‘hey Cas are you okay?’ Castiel zipped himself up and smiled- wait, he'd been shaking with laughter, _what the hell!_

‘Brothel, you really are too much Dean, why would I want to go to that awful place again when I have you?’

‘Er what, come again?’

‘Oh I Intend to Dean, over and over again in fact, but only inside you’.

‘Wait, no, I mean I thought-’

‘-You thought wrong Dean and I have to admit I let you but I can hardly be blamed for that, sometimes with you, in fact most of the time, it's just easier to let you believe whatever it is you want to believe. You _wanted_ to believe that I was clueless, and naïve, and didn’t understand the relationship between you and Sam, _so I let you’_.

‘Wait… **_what the hell are you saying?’_**


	8. Revelation Part 2

Castiel rolled his eyes and Dean was pretty sure he had never seen him do that before. ‘Dean you keep _forgetting_ that I can see inside your mind. I understand that you just don’t like that idea, have a surprisingly short attention span, and it helps you to think of me as human, but seriously after all these years can it really still be a surprise to you when I voice your thoughts?’

Castiel stroked Dean's face pulling him closer his raspy voice low and intense as he stared into his eyes, ‘I knew about what was going on between you and your brother long before I “walked in” on you today, which for the record, was not even close to the first time that has happened’.

‘Wait! you're saying- hey _have you been spying on us you sunuvabitch?’_

‘Oh Dean’, Castiel rasped his expression almost pitying ‘ ** _of course I have_ ,** I wouldn’t be much of a Guardian if I didn’t watch over you’.

_‘Cas what the hell is the matter with you. You can't just- ah crap’._

Castiel smiled at him in an almost predatory way which had Dean recoiling because it was weirding him out.

‘I have to admit, I do find that fascinating about you, how connected you are to me, and yes Dean you are right, those few times when you thought you felt me around you, in those most intimate moments with your brother you were not imagining it I was-’

‘-I do not want to hear this Cas, I'm just telling you right now that has to stop, do you have any idea how creepy that is?’.

Why? it's my job to keep you safe, _I know everything about you_ , what you're thinking, what you’re feeling’.

‘Really, then _you know what I'm thinking right now you sonuvabitch-’._

‘You're thinking about kicking my ass, _be careful Dean’,_ Castiel's cat like smile widened disturbingly ‘I have to confess I think I'm starting to like it when you mentally threaten me with violence’.

‘Wait- what?!’

‘I know what you were thinking about when you pleasured me’.

Dean's mouth clamped shut and he stared at Castiel.

‘I know why you did it, I know that deep down you were not only trying to prevent Sam finding out about what I want from you, but also trying to prevent me, who you believed confused and bewildered about what I seen you both doing from trying to make sense of it by talking to the human closest to you both, _Bobby Singer;_ and to prevent the humiliation of him knowing the truth, you thought that while convincing me to take a different lover so Sam wouldn't find out about us, you would also swear me to secrecy about you both so Bobby didn't find out, and obediently I would comply, thus conveniently solving everything’.

Castiel leaned closer and brushed his lips over Dean's neck, and Dean shivered involuntarily. It wasn’t exactly pleasure, it was more that it was just… _weird_ when Castiel touched him sexually.

‘It is astounding how little you understand me at times Dean, how could you actually think I could be swayed from my desire to have you by visiting another den of inequity’.

Castiel fused their mouths together and caught by surprise Dean froze for a second before pulling away.

‘Come on Dean’ Castiel rasped mockingly against his lips ‘do you really think you could buy my silence by giving me so little of yourself in return’.

‘You can't be serious, _are you really trying to blackmail me right now?’_

‘Only if it's working Castiel growled refusing to let Dean back away, grabbing the back of his head, and kissing him harder, using his tongue and deepening the kiss.

Castiel's lips were warm but his tongue was both freezing cold and scorching hot at the same time, **_this was six shades beyond weird._**

‘You have very soft lips Dean’ Cas murmured against his mouth as Dean tried to push him back.

‘Um, so do you, doesn’t mean I want you kissing me though, and heads up, you might wanna do something about that two-temperature, freak tongue of yours if you ever want to convince a chick you’re not an alien’.

‘I find it happens when I become… I suppose excited, or more accurately _aroused_ is the word’.

‘And the weird gets weirder’.

‘It is not as you say weird Dean, some of my grace resides in my throat and is always close to the mouth of my vessel, therefore it is only natural that it occasionally permeates my vessels mouth altering the interior temperature, especially when engaging in arousing activities’.

‘ _Yeah that’s not weird at all’_. So you been practicing sucking face with other Angels since you fell to figure that out?’

Castiel smiled at him ‘do you dislike the idea of your Guardian Angel kissing someone else Dean? do you think I should have been practicing with you instead?’

‘What?! **_No_** , I was just curious; and I told you at the start, _this was a one time thing’_.

Castiel kissed him again, this time using the duel heat of his tongue to stroke along his until it tingled as if he'd scorched his tongue on coffee then dipped it in ice water, and he couldn't help wondering who the hell had been teaching Cas to kiss _badly_ , and imaging the things Cas could do with a hot and cold tongue if he actually knew what he was doing, before stamping his thoughts down and shoving Cas back’.

‘Would you quit that already? It's like being groped by an alien, _It's just too damn weird, you and me;_ and FYI Cas if really think whoever taught you how to kiss did a good job, then trust me, _you need a better teacher’._

‘Am I to understand you're volunteering?’

‘No, I told you before, I'm with Sam, and apparently no one knows that better than you, so _back off already’._

Surprisingly given the predatory way he was acting Castiel released him and started staring a hole in his head instead’.

‘You think Sam kisses better’.

 _lousy mind reading sunuvabitch…_ ‘um, well yeah He does’.

‘Sooner than you think Dean you will prefer my kiss to his’.

‘Hate to break it you but I really don’t see that happening Cas’.

‘Of course it will, your relationship with Sam is unhealthy and unnatural, you are not unintelligent Dean, surely you can see that I am a better choice for you’.

‘You can _not_ be serious right now, firstly I didn’t choose to… I fought this thing with Sam tooth and nail in the beginning but it happened anyway, it's not a choice, it just **is’** _something I can't fight, something I can't control. ‘_ and if you think what's happening right now with us is healthy then you must have hit your damn head when you fell, you’re not even human Cas, and you're like a zillion years older than me, and in this case older doesn’t mean more experienced, and let’s not forget the fact you're junkless without the meat suit’.

‘ _And yet I'm going to do things to you that will defy description’_.

Dean's mouth fell open and Castiel seized the opportunity to run his tongue up the right side of Dean's neck forcing him to shiver uncontrollably at the freezing cold and burning heat.

Castiel stopped at his ear whispering darkly ‘I'm going to tell you something Dean’.

Dean snapped out of it and pushed Castiel back. ‘Oh? Is it that you’ve been spying on me and Sam like some winged pervert? Because you told me that already’.

Castiel smiled and leaned in to kiss him as Dean barked ‘Knock it off Cas’ but Castiel ignored him kissing the side of his mouth as he turned his face away and Dean could feel Castiel's smile as if he were amusing him as his lips travelled to his ear again and he whispered ‘I know how things between you and your brother got started Dean, _I know why you’re so ashamed and keep it a secret’._

‘Stop it Cas, I… I don’t want to talk about that’.

‘I know how you tried to fend off Sam's advances at first, and I know when and why you eventually gave into him’.

Dean pulled back, his expression hardening as he glared at Castiel, ‘you weren’t even around us then, how the hell can you know anything about it?’

‘That’s not how it works Dean, when I say I know everything about you; I mean _exactly_ what I say’.

‘…Do all the other Angel's know?’

‘Does it matter?’

‘Yes it matters! It's none of their damn business! How did they find out? were they spying on us to? I know chuck left it out of the books on purpose because the little bastard didn’t think it would sell, so how else could they even know? Then again since he's a lousy prophet writing about every damn move we make whether he prints it or not, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised our private lives are common knowledge to your dick brothers… um Cas, _is it really common knowledge to your dick brothers?’_

Castiel shrugged, ‘even before the war there were larger concerns in heaven than an incestuous relationship between two humans’.

‘So you're saying they know but they don’t care?

‘Most do not care yes, but others find it… _unseemly_ , Zachariah for instance has said that you and your brother are-’

 _‘-You know what Cas, **Screw what your boss thinks,** _ he can suck it like I said before’.

Castiel's shook his head slowly his eyes narrowing, his full lips twisting in a dark smile his intense blue eyes focusing on his mouth, and he could just guess what Cas was thinking about right now… **_this just couldn’t get any weirder,_ **_how the hell was this happening to him?_

‘You're right Dean, I am thinking about that mouth of yours wrapped around me, _how good it looked sliding past your soft lips into your warm mouth, **how indescribable it felt’.**_

‘Yeah well **don’t** , it's weird enough as it is without talking about it - _we're not supposed to talk about it’._

‘Why?’

‘ ** _Because that’s what never speaking of it actually means Cas_** ’.

‘Zachariah is no longer my superior Dean, not since I fell, _for you’_.

‘Ah… okay back to that, um yeah, well I guess you're your own boss now huh’.

‘Yes that is correct, I make my own decisions now, like sharing a secret with you about your past and present that Zachariah would not have allowed me to'.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘I know why you fear Bobby Singer finding out the truth about you and Sam’.

‘I said I didn’t want to talk about tha-’

‘-you think he would be disgusted with you if he knew this all started when Sam was only 16 years old. You do not believe Bobby would care that Sam made it clear to you that he wanted you soon after he hit puberty, and that he began pursuing you relentlessly from the age of 14’.

‘You don’t think Bobby Singer would care that you turned Sam away for two years straight, or what made you eventually give in to him’.

Dean looked away and Castiel stroked his face, gripping his chin and pulling his gaze back to his, locking eyes with him as he rasped ‘I know _everything_ Dean, I know your father had left you and your brother alone for more than five weeks without any contact. I know you called and left messages until his voicemail was full and checked for a man of his description being admitted to every hospital in every direction he might have travelled but all to no avail, and I know that as the hours, days, and weeks went by with no word, and no news, it kept forcing you to believe the worst even when your heart wouldn’t accept it’.

‘I know your father was a difficult man who had burned his association with other hunters including Bobby, leaving you and your brother isolated with no one to turn to, and no one to help you find him. I know that even though you had been ordered to continue his work as he had taught you and 'look out for sammy' if he never returned from a hunt, you were unable to let go of the hope that your father was still alive'.

I know you told Sam that he was fine because he always was, and must have a good reason for not calling; but you both knew he had never left you alone this long without word before and your continued insistence that he was fine, was starting to sound hollow even to your own ears’.

‘I know Sam had just reached his 16th birthday, and the hard life your father subjected you both too had taken his childhood from him years before. He still had the face and years of a child, but he spoke with the authority of an experienced hunter as he stood almost eye level with you and told you to accept the possibility that maybe this time the luck that had your father scrape through dangerous hunts torn to shreds but still stubbornly clinging to life had finally run out'.

'I know you still could not bring yourself to accept the possibility that Sam was right and kept on searching for your father, and I know every new day that found no trace of him made it harder to convince Sam and eventually even yourself that he was still alive. By the time Sam suggested you wait only one more week then move on because the motel manager was starting to ask questions, you were forced to face the reality, that maybe you truly were both all alone in the world, and all you had left now was your promise to your father to continue the family business of hunting no matter what.'

'I know a lifetime on the road had taught you there were two kinds of motel managers, the disreputable kind that didn’t care if their guests were underage as long as they had ID saying otherwise and were paid enough to look the other way, and the kind that tried to ran a decent family orientated establishment. Unfortunately for you the motel manager at the place you were staying was the latter and she had grown concerned about you and your brother being left on your own for over a month with no sign of the father you had checked in with, and began asking a string of questions every time you laid down money for another nights stay. Where was your father? How long was his business trip supposed to be? When would he be returning? Did you have a number she could reach him on to speak to him about her concerns?'

'You also noticed the way she scrutinised Sam clearly trying to trying to determine his real age every time she saw him with you. Sam had grown much taller over the past year, but he still had the face of the 16 year old boy that he was, and it was obvious she was as unconvinced by his fake ID stating he was 18 as she was by yours stating you were 21 as she asked, _How old is your brother really_ and why aren't either of you boys in school?'

‘You were drawing unwanted attention, which was the last thing you needed with your father missing. You knew were not going to be able to put off the motel manager with your inventive lies explaining your father’s absence, or your excuses for why he couldn’t be reached on the phone right now every time she asked, or your insistence that everything was fine and your father had called the night before to say that he would be delayed another day. You could tell she was one more pack of lies about your father’s whereabouts away from calling the authorities. Sam was right, _your time was up,_ your brother was still a minor and it was your job to shield him from the authorities; so you finally agreed with Sam to leave in the morning'.

 **‘ _That was the night it happened_ _;_ ** your hope that your father was still alive had faded to almost nothing, you were literally being forced to move on, and the crushing weight and guilt over what you thought leaving actually meant, -namely that you had failed, that your father needed you to find him and you were letting him down by leaving his last known location-, had you working your way through a bottle of cheap whiskey as you sat on the uncomfortable motel bed’.

'Sam came and sat beside you as he often did, and you couldn’t help thinking that if you were better, if you were smarter like Sam, or smooth, convincing, and authoritative like your father you would have been able to fool the motel manager for longer, or at least been able to convince her you weren't still a teenager, then she wouldn’t be on the verge of calling the authorities, and Sam wouldn’t be in danger because of you, _and you wouldn’t have to leave.'_

‘Sam rubbed his face up against your shoulder and you knew he felt as crushed by bleak hopelessness of the situation as you did, so you allowed him to drink as you both lay there in the dark, passing the bottle between you, sharing the whiskey in silence, as you tried to drink away your pain **_and the grief’._ **


	9. Revelation Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _
> 
> I am a Britt, and the age of Hetro/Homosexual consent in the United kingdom is 16 years of age. I realise it may differ in America, but it is not intended that Sam is under the age of sexual consent in this chapter; also while there is a 4 year age gap between the brothers, I wanted them to both still be teenagers but not have Sam underage, so Dean is still 19 (almost 20) in this chapter and Sam has only just turned 16 so the age gap still fits.
> 
> _
> 
>   
> 

‘Ah Dean’, Castiel murmured stroking Dean's face, ‘you were so drunk, broken, and  defeated that night, that when Sam tried to kiss you as he sometimes did, you didn’t push him back immediately and tell him no as you had always done, instead you let your brother kiss you and tell you how much he loved you, and wanted you, you didn’t even get angry with him when he called you beautiful like you usually did and sometimes still do; and you didn't even stop him when he started begging you to let him make you feel good, while raining sloppy adolescent kisses all over your face, until his hormones, and pent up desire for you overwhelmed him to the point where he would not have taken no for an answer even if you **had** said it, _instead of just lay there as your brother took what he wanted from you'._

‘But letting him do to you, what you did to me earlier wasn’t enough for Sam was it Dean. He couldn’t stop there, not after wanting you for so long, and before you knew it was too late and he was climbing on top of you, his hands scrambling to pull down your sleeping shorts, as he kept groaning over and over that he loved you, that you were beautiful, and he'd waited so long, that he was old enough now and he wanted you’.

If you hadn't been so drunk maybe you would have been more effective at stopping him, but he'd caught you by surprise, and as a trained hunter Sam knew well how to restrain someone using just his body, and before you knew it he was pinning you down, holding your arms above your head while pushing your legs apart insistently with his knees, his whisky stained kisses burning your lips and tongue as you felt your brother thick and hard, prodding and jabbing clumsily as he tried to find his target. You were unprepared and he tried to ease the way with saliva roughly forcing his way into you as you cried out for him to stop, but he didn’t stop, he couldn’t, you knew that, you were a teenage boy as well and you knew Sam was way past the point where he could just stop’.

‘I know you told yourself what was happening was your fault, that you should have stopped Sam immediately when he tried to kiss you, that you never should have let him drink so much. I know you told yourself the line had already been crossed and even though it was wrong, - _and you were right Dean, it was **wrong** -_ , you didn’t want to make Sam's first time any worse than it already was, so you stopped fighting him, even if the pain was excruciating as he pumped fast and rough inside you, burying his face in your shoulder as he's always so obsessed with doing’.

‘I know you kept telling yourself it would be over soon, and you owed Sam at least this after letting things go so far, even as the intense pain of Sam ramming into you combined with the nausea waves rolling over you from too much alcohol on an empty stomach made it truly awful for you, but you put your arms around your brother and whispered to him that it was all right as he placed rapid, fevered, whiskey laced kisses across your cheek and neck, while you held him bracing against the pain, terribly aware of your mistake as you thought Sam, your Sammy, deserved better than this shameful drunken thing between brothers as a first time; and you were drowning in guilt as Sam groaned your name in your ear, getting even rougher, tearing you open with pain as he started to come begging you to tell him you loved him, and you did Dean, you ignored the pain and told him you loved him more than anything or anyone else in the world, even though you hated the way it felt as he came inside you’.

‘You still kept trying to make things better for Sam even when it was over and he was pulling out of your abused battered body suddenly worried that he'd hurt you; you even lied to him telling him you were all right when the truth was he tore you and made you bleed; and when the insecurities he sometimes battled made him worry that it was too quick, and he wasn’t any good, you even pretended that you had liked it a little, even though your entire body was alive with pain and you hated the strange wet feeling of his come inside you’.

‘You even held him as he broke down finally confessing that he had been as terrified about your fathers disappearance as you were, but had hidden it because he knew how scared you were as well and hadn't wanted to burden you with the added weight of his own fears, but now he didn’t have any more hope that your father was still alive after almost two months without contact when he usually called at least once a day to check in. You held your drunk sobbing brother, and tried to comfort him, as he told you no matter how much they had disagreed he would do anything just to see your father again’.

‘I wonder if Sam has ever truly understood that in those moments you were so afraid of being alone, you gave in to being wanted, _being needed_ , that it was never about actually wanting to have sex with Sam, and once it was over you **_hated_** yourself for allowing it.

I know you didn’t blame Sam as you cleaned him up when he passed out, and told yourself lies to get through it when you showered, unable to wash away the guilt anymore than the bruising, stinging, pain that forced you to face up to what had happened,  _the only thing you could wash away was the blood._  I know you told yourself that Sam was drunk, angry and grieving, and what happened wasn’t his fault, he was inexperienced and emotionally overwhelmed and had injured you by mistake, you were to blame not him. I know you even told yourself that Sam hadn't meant for it to happen anymore than you had and in the morning he would agree with you that it was all a terrible alcohol fuelled mistake that would never be repeated. You tried to convince yourself of this Dean even though deep down you knew Sam had wanted it to happen for years, and you decided to believe what you wanted to believe as you lay down in the empty bed away from Sam drinking the rest of the whisky until it numbed the pain enough for you pass out’.

‘The next day Sam tried to talk about it, but you shut him down, saying you had to pack up and leave quickly, and could talk when you found a new place to stay. You told Sam you had to conserve money since you didn’t know when your dad was going to be back, so you both had  to walk the few miles to the next town, _you didn’t want Sam to know that were still in so much pain you couldn’t sit for the bus journey to the next town’._

When you finally reached the town and checked into the cheapest motel you could afford, with the kind of manager that conveniently didn’t ask questions, you were barely through the door before Sam was pressing you up against the wall whispering that he _needed_ you in your ear. It was then you realised the enormity of your mistake, Sam had believed you when you told him it had been good for you, and thinking you liked it and that it was probably just your guilt that was holding you back he wanted to continue’.

‘ ** _It couldn’t happen again_ ** you told yourself, and wondered how you were going to make Sam understand that without causing any more damage’.

‘Sam had always been so desperate to be normal, and you had seen firsthand how he'd struggled with the true nature of his feelings for you, how difficult it was for him to come to terms with the way he felt about his own brother. At one stage he had become convinced he was a freak, and started to hate himself, but you told him over and over that what he felt for you was a phase he would outgrow and to stop worrying about it, and if he held you a little too long when he hugged you, or always found excuses to nestle his face on your shoulder you let it slide, and above all _you kept it from your father_ , knowing that however he would react the chances were it would make things 100 times worse for Sam’.

‘When Sam got older and told you it wasn't a phase, you still believed it was, and it was just taking him longer to grow out of it then you thought it would; but after what had happened _you couldn't tell him it was simply a phase any more_. You had backed yourself into a corner and you knew it, You were terrified that you were going to mess Sam up even more than the colossal mistake between you already had, and you knew you couldn't tell him the truth, -that you thought what had happened between you was **_wrong_** and would **_never_** have happened if you weren’t both drunk out of your minds and things hadn't spun out of control- without dragging up his old issues and possibly giving him a few new ones in the process; and how were you supposed to tell him you lied about liking it, that the truth was it was awful and you **_hated_** it? He would lose faith in you if he knew you had lied to his face, and he would start to worry about not being any good in bed again, were you supposed to destroy his fragile sexual self confidence? You couldn't do that to your brother Dean, so once again you lied, you told him that it had been good, special, and you didn’t regret being his first because even if it was a chick thing to say, it was better if you did it with someone you loved, especially the first time’.

‘Sam had pulled you down on top of him and asked you to be his first in every way, and as you stared down at your 16 year old brother, who still smelled of fabric softener, and home, and all the other things you associated with being good and clean, you realised that was a line you were _never_ going to cross. Sam had laughed when you told him you meant what you said about not regretting it, but that didn’t mean you didn’t feel guilty as hell, he was only 16 and had been drunk at the time; and sometimes to this day when your brother talks you into taking him, you still remember the dimples in his young face as he laughed and said "you were drunk too Dean, and I was the one on top, shouldn’t I be the one feeling guilty about taking advantage here?" Of course that wasn't how you saw it, and trying to make him understand, yet desperate not to make things worse, you told him that you were the older brother and no matter how good it had been the guilt was making it impossible for you to continue, and if you tried to be Sam's first like he wanted the guilt would literally physically _kill you_ before you even started’. Sam had been disappointed but he kissed you and told you he understood, and you were so relieved you didn’t stop to think that for someone who had been pursuing you all his adolescent life, and had finally had you, Sam was taking it a little too well when you said you felt too guilty to ever do it again. 

‘Your father finally came limping back four days later, finding you both at the motel in the next town, and you were so overjoyed to see him you were even secretly relieved that he was so banged up he would have to take it easy as he recovered, because it meant no hunting for a while and just the three of you together as a family’.

'I know you really thought things had returned to normal after your fathers return, you were still consumed with guilt on occasion, but Sam was talking too and about girls and had even been on a few dates, making you believe he had finally outgrown the thing he had for you since he was a pre-teen. However, the second your father was out of sight, Sam told you the girls didn’t mean anything, it was just so no one would suspect, he told you he still wanted you and there was no going back, he had only backed off for a while to give you a chance to accept it’.

‘I know the next time your father disappeared without a trace for even longer this time both the situation and Sam wore you down and it happened again'.

‘Your father eventually returned almost 3 months later, beaten to an inch away from death, and barely clinging to life, and it became clear to you that your father was doing something far more dangerous than just hunting monsters, you tired to get him to tell you what was going on, you even offered to help no questions asked, but your father refused to talk about it, he simply stayed when he had to recover, intensely driven and yet withdrawn completely as he sent you and Sam on more and more hunts on your own. Often you would come back from a hunt and find the Impala was gone and he had simply up and disappeared, and again he would be gone for weeks sometimes months at a time with no word, and no way of knowing if he was alive or dead. Starting a pattern of drunken guilt ridden sexual encounters between you and your brother 

that continued until the guilt consuming you forced you to put an end to things once and for all when Sam turned 18’. 

‘You believed you were depriving him of the normal life he so desperately craved, and thought you were doing the right and unselfish thing when you ended it, but Sam was angry and heartbroken and didn’t accept your reasons for wanting to end it, he thought you were rejecting him in favour of the different woman you slept with, and nothing you said could convince him otherwise. How were you to know that the constant heated contention with your father, and the sting of what Sam saw as your rejection of him would make him apply to college as a way to escape; but although you were devastated and angry when he left soon after, deep down you believed it was for the best, that what was happening between you and Sam was wrong and maybe a little distance would fix things’.

‘How do you know all this Cas’ Dean whispered brokenly, ashamed to hear what he considered his worst sin next to what he had done in hell spoken out loud, ‘how do you know every little detail about what happened between me and my brother back then when I barely even remember half of it myself’.

‘I told you Dean, I know everything about you, even the things you try to hide, that’s how I know you won't ever tell Bobby singer any of this, because you don’t think that he would understand that the first time it happened Sam was the one that took you not the other way round, you don’t think Bobby Singer would think you were any less sick if he knew that you were never the dominant partner during sex until Sam was 22, and it only happened because Sam was heartbroken over the murder of his girlfriend Jessica, and he begged and pleaded with you to comfort him, and you who has always given him whatever he wanted couldn’t refuse him. You think Bobby Singer wouldn’t care how guilty you felt about it, how guilty you _still_ feel about it’.

Castiel pinned Dean with his inhuman stare and pulled his face closer so their lips were almost touching, his voice low and dark, ‘and you're right Dean, _he **wouldn’t** understand_ , he wouldn’t _care_ about the reasons of how and why it started, he would just know that it should _never_ have started in the first place, and as the older brother it was your responsibility to make sure it never did’.

‘The only thing you are wrong about is your belief that Bobby Singer doesn’t know about what you and your brother do together behind closed doors. _You’re wrong Dean, **he does know**_ , he's known for a long time’.

Dean's face went pale ‘No that’s… no _you're wrong_ , he doesn’t know, **_he can't’_** _._

‘I assure you that he does know Dean, this is what I was forbidden by Zachariah to tell you’.

‘What, why?… I don’t understand’.

‘Zachariah believed that Bobby singer was useful in keeping you and your brother stable and alive, he wanted you to continue to seek his refuge and counsel, so-’

‘-He didn’t want you to tell me that Bobby knows about us’.

Castiel nodded slowly ‘Bobby singer has considered telling you and your brother that he knows about you in the past, but since you both want to pretend that it's not going on and you stay away from each other when you are under his roof he is more than happy to pretend along with you’.

‘No, god… please tell me you're wrong Cas’. Dean felt as if he was suffocating for a second and Castiel gripped his chin forcing him to look at him when he tried to look away.

‘ _I am not wrong Dean_ , I have been inside his mind, and frankly the idea of you two having sex disgusts him, he truly loves you both as his own sons, and naturally finds the true nature of your relationship as sickening as any father would. On many occasions while sitting behind his desk pretending not to notice the intense looks you two give each other that you think are obvious to no one but yourselves, he wonders about his failings as an adoptive father, and blames himself for not doing more to make sure things never got this way between you’.

‘No, _you’re wrong_ , he would have said something he would have called us out on it by now if he really knew about us’.

‘He _did_ say something Dean, _just not to you’._

The remaining colour drained from Dean's face and his mouth fell open in horror as he whispered ‘ _No’_.

‘Everything I have learned from his mind makes it clear that he saw this coming long before you did Dean, **_and yes, he did tell your father about it,_** _he tried to warn him_ and that’s what led to the argument that-’

Dean freed his face from Castiel's grip on his chin and backed away from him. Even though he probably should have, he'd never really been afraid of Castiel, not since he'd got to know him so well over the years, but now he backed away from him spooked. Cas who had always been so earnest and almost innocent about everything, was revealing a side of himself that he had never seen before _and he wasn’t sure he liked it at all._

‘I'm sorry if what I'm saying upsets you Dean, I just wanted you to understand that although I can play pretend games too, I know the truth about you, I see everything you are trying to hide, and I always will’.

Castiel smiled at him darkly and Dean backed away a little further

‘Oh Dean you can hardly blame me for playing along when you make it _so easy_. I just wanted to see how far you would go to keep you and Sam's little secret earlier so I pretended I would be content with what equates to simple foreplay, and you believed me, _but of course I'm not content with just that Dean,_ I want **_more_** , I want _all_ of you, **_and I am going to have you_** _’._

‘Now since you are clearly a little shaken up by this recent turn of events, I will leave you a little time to get acquainted with the idea; and you can tell Sam or not it's up to you, I do not care either way, _because nothing you or he says is going to change my mind’._

Castiel pulled Dean forward fast kissing him hard ‘ _I am going to take you Dean,_ mind, body, and soul, because I am entitled after everything I have done for you, _because you are **mine** in every way that counts. **I**_ am the one you raised you from perdition, it is **_my_** mark you wear permanently burned into your flesh, _and I love you in a way that Sam could never possibly love you’._

Dean's eyes widened and Castiel pulled him a fraction closer rasping low and dark against his mouth ‘ _Sam doesn't know you like I do Dean,_ he has not reached into your being and touched the burning core of your very soul as I have, _he cannot see into every dark twisted corner of your mind as I can’_.

‘I like that taste of me on your mouth’ Castiel rasped running his tongue over Dean's lower lip, ‘I can hardly wait until I get to taste you in the same way’.

_‘I'm going to make you **mine** Dean, in **every** way there is, **get used to it’.**_

**Dean blinked and Castiel was gone _._**


	10. Suspicion

**_Some thing was going on with Dean_** , if it wasn't strange enough that Dean had jumped all over him when he came into the room and practically rammed his cock down his throat without him having to ask yet alone beg like he usually had to, the fact Dean was shifty, couldn't look him in the eye, and tasted like a brewery told him something had happened, he just couldn't figure out what could have occurred between Dean dropping him off at the library and now to have him acting so damn weird. Not that he was complaining about being blown, Dean gave the best blow-jobs in the world, but he also **_hated_** every second of being so submissive, and he never, not once in all the years they had been together initiated it.

In short whatever the fuck was going on it was something major, and something Dean felt really, **_really_** guilty about.

**_Instinct told him he wasn't going to like finding out what that thing was._ **

Dean waggled his aching jaw from side to side, for a guy who hated giving blow jobs it sure frigging seemed to be all he was doing today. **Frigging Cas** , _playing him for a mook_ , what the hell did he think this was?! Clearly Cas was more like his dick brother Gabriel than he had ever realised, because this was obviously all a big frigging joke to him, and he must have been laughing it up, playing him for a sucker all these years

… but was it really since the beginning, since they first met?... no Cas had a giant stick up his ass when they first met, the guy he'd taken to that brothel wasn’t the same guy that had played him earlier… something had been different about Cas since he'd fallen, he should have seen it sooner… he should have taken more notice of how Sam seemed to hate having Cas around these days, he'd mistakenly thought it was just about the threat of Cas popping in on them, but it was more, he could see clearly now, Sam had seen before him that Cas had changed and not for the better.

'What's the matter with you Dean?'

Sam's deep voice snapped him out of this thoughts 'What, nothings the matter with me'.

'Even if you hadn't just willingly blown me for the first time since _ever_ I would still know there was something up, don’t get me wrong, I'm not complaining, in fact if you decided to do that to me every day I won't complain at all, but something tells me that this isn't about you suddenly deciding to give me an early birthday present’.

‘Look Sam it's nothing-'

‘That’s not gonna cut it Dean, did something else happen with Cas, was he here running his mouth about us sinning again?'

‘No he hasn't zapped in to give me a re-run of the gospel according to Cas, now can we drop this'.

Sam's eyes narrowed as he noticed the way Dean's eyes shifted when he said Cas hadn't been there and he sat up fast. 'He was here wasn’t he? Sam stared down at his half naked brother laying next to him on the bed through narrowed eyes ‘what the hell did he want?'

'Nothing I told you he wasn’t here'.

**_‘You’re lying to me'_** Sam growled between clenched teeth, 'I thought we both agreed we weren’t going to do that to each other anymore Dean’.

'Sam, please just leave it alone'.

‘I won't leave it alone, he got you so upset you were drinking in the middle of the damn afternoon while we're still working a case, and you practically mauled me when I came in here, I don’t mind that bit at all, but the drinking and the lying, **_that I mind,_** now for the last time before I call him down here and get the truth out of him, with a holy oil spritz and some cherry bombs, _what the hell is going on?'_

'… he told me Bobby knew'

'What?'

'He told me Bobby knew about us… knows about us… he told me he's always thought something was wrong, even way back when we were kids'. Dean's eyes were filled with horror, his voice barely above a whisper, 'he told me… that Bobby told dad about us… and that’s why they got into that fight that time- **_don’t you get it Sam!'_** Dean suddenly yelled, 'that’s why dad hit Bobby so hard he knocked him to the ground that time, that’s why they were fighting, that’s why Bobby threatened to shoot him, why they stopped talking, why we didn’t see him for years, it was because of us… _because of me_ , maybe if dad had Bobby on his side he wouldn’t have become so reckless, always hunting alone, always getting hurt-'

'Stop it right there', Sam's tone was like ice, 'dad had a falling out with just about everybody- remember when I said that? well I meant it, he would have screwed things up with Bobby sooner or later, just like he did every other hunter he met. And if Bobby wanted to tell us he knows what we're doing he would have told us years ago, he's not exactly shy about his feelings Dean; and even If you're winged saviour isn't full of crap and Bobby really has known all along, then the fact he hasn't said anything means he's decided to pretend he doesn’t, just like we're pretending we don’t fuck each other when were under his roof'.

'Oh I thought we made love Sammy' Dean retorted dryly and Sam ignored his bad attempt at humour because he knew how badly Dean was hurting, finding out that Bobby knew was bad enough, but that he'd said something to their dad… that was pretty much the worse thing Dean could ever hear, **_what the hell was that sonuvabitch Cas thinking,_** _and why would he tell Dean all this now? was he really this hell bent on making Dean feel guilty?._

Whatever the reason, one thing was clear, he was going to summon Cas and deep fry his mouth in holy oil, **_that would stop him running it._**

#  ** *********************** **

Sam tried to catch his breath as he lay panting over _Dean, he probably shouldn’t have resorted to trying to fuck his problems away,_ but a drunk, vulnerable Dean was disturbingly irresistible, besides it took the edge off, let him hold and touch and taste what was his, calming him enough that he could deal with Castiel without resorting to violence… _or so he hoped._

… He really **_hated_** lying to Sam, it always felt wrong, but what choice did he have, he couldn't tell him the whole truth so he'd settled for part of it. Unfortunately, Sam was pissed at Castiel now, _but better pissed, then murderous;_ and if he hadn't really been in the mood when Sam suddenly got horny out of nowhere and started pounding the hell out of him, well it was just the kind of day he was clearly having, but unlike what had happened earlier with Cas, he could get at least get in the damn mood with Sam, and he had more than been there before the end _because Sam was just that good._

#  ** *********************** **

'Dean listen to me', they were laying on their sides and Dean was drifting off to sleep but Sam knew they had to talk about what had happened sooner or later. 'Just because Bobby may have said something to dad doesn't mean he believed it, I mean he decked Bobby just for saying it, if he really thought something was going on he'd have probably kicked our asses as well'.

'You mean kicked _my ass_ , I'm the oldest, I would have got the blame not you, and he would have been right'.

_Not this again! **Was Dean ever going to let go of his guilt over their relationship?**_ 'Did Castiel say exactly what Bobby said to dad?'

'No'.

‘Then how do you know he said it was your fault, he might have said that I was the one chasing you, _and he would have been right’_.

‘Doesn't matter Sam I'm the older brother and-’

'-Dean not this again please', Sam's eyes slid shut as he sighed, 'how many times do I have to tell you that the normal rules don’t apply to us?’

‘It doesn't matter how many times you say it Sam’.

‘Yeah I'm starting to get that’.

‘Sam you don’t understand dad always told me to look out for you', Dean's tone was full of guilt and shame ' _I'm pretty sure that didn’t include fucking you’_.

‘Yeah I'm sure it didn't, but you never did Dean, not until I begged you too, and I'm not sorry you did, I needed you, I still do, I only wish you did it more’, Sam pulled Dean's face around to his and locked eyes with him ‘and if dad was here _I would tell him that too’._

‘Don’t’, Dean jerked his face away ‘Sam I can't… _I can't even think about dad knowing’._

‘Knowing what?’ Sam raised his voice in exasperation ‘what exactly was there to know back then? if were talking about back when dad and Bobby got into that fight, you'd never so much as touched me, and I was only just starting to think about touching you, _neither one of us had done a damn thing back then’._

‘Then why did Bobby?-’

‘-Who knows? Maybe he could see what I wanted, I don’t care, and if Cas is telling the truth then that means the cats out of the bag with Bobby and has been for years, if that’s really true, then we don’t have to preten-’

‘-Like hell we don’t!, he can't face it Sam, Cas told me… Bobby thinks it's disgusting, what we do, so we keep things the way they are, no way are we going to start rubbing his face in it’.

**_Frigging Cas._** ‘For all we know Cas is lying Dean, and he's just determined to make you feel guilty about sleeping with me, although if he knew you as well as he likes to pretend he does then he would know you don’t need any help feeling guilty about letting your little brother fuck you’.

‘Sam…’

‘Alright I'm sorry, look all I'm saying is we can't just take Cas at his word about this'.

'But what If he's right Sam, we have to be extra careful'.

'What! let me get this right, you still want to keep on pretending nothing’s going on when we know that he knows’ Sam's tone was incredulous, ‘that’s insane, what's the point of doing that?’

‘You said it yourself, If he wanted us to know that he knows he would have told us, Bobby's not one to shy away from speaking his mind Sam, if this is how he wants to play it, if this is how he deals _we’re going to respect that’._

Sam pulled Dean's face around to his again ‘Dean are you sure you want to play it this way?’

‘I don’t think we have a choice’

‘Of course we have a choice, we can tell him that your winged idiot couldn't keep his big judgmental mouth shut, and now we know he knows and-’

‘-What? we’re just going to start fucking under his nose’.

‘I was thinking more under his roof Dean, and only if he allows it’.

‘Sam’.

‘Come on Dean, we’d stay over longer and more often if he let us share a bed’, much as I love Bobby I can’t deal with not being able to touch you while where there’.

‘Oh come on Sam, you’ve dragged me out of there plenty of times, so we could-'

Sam kissed him hot and savage mid-sentence and Dean gasped for breath ‘what was that for?’

'I was just remembering the time I got desperate and dragged you out into the salvage yard, and we ended up at the very edge of the lot in some old hippie van and Bobby said we reeked of Patchouli when we came back'.

'Doesn’t that make it less of a hot memory now that you know he probably knew what we were doing in there?'

'Nothing could make that memory less hot' Sam murmured kissing him'.

'Oh really', Dean kissed Sam and Sam smiled.

'Yeah the van actually had shag carpeting for a start, I mean who could forget that!'

'Screw you Sam'.

Sam nibbled at Dean's lower lip and smiled, 'you were so damn hot Dean, you let me take what I wanted until it drove me crazy and you covered my mouth with your hand when I was coming because I was shouting out your name’.

‘Yeah well, _it was the middle of the afternoon Sam_ , anyone could have heard you yelling "you're so fucking hot, take it from me Beautiful" at the top of your frigging lungs! -Come to think of it you never did tell me what the hell got you so damn riled up that day'.

'It had been _two weeks_ Dean, I was at breaking point! and then you had to go and pour water over yourself when you were working frigging topless on the car, giving it the annual stroking and masturbation you call a M.O.T'.

'First off it was hotter than hell and I was trying to cool down not turn you on-'

-Well you did, and frankly considering how horny seeing you half naked, and dripping wet made me, **_you were damn lucky I didn’t fuck you right then and there-'_**

'-And second, I was giving **_her_** an M.O.T. not **_it_** , she has a name you know'.

'Dean I refuse to call that car Baby'.

'She probably wouldn’t like it even if you did, because you don’t appreciate her the way I do'.

'Your right Dean, unlike you that car never has and never will physically arouse me'.

Dean finally smiled, and Sam was glad his tasteless joke which was Dean's favourite kind, had hit it's mark as he worked to lighten the mood. _But inside he was furious,_ **how dare Castiel do this to Dean?** Since he was always acting like he knew Dean so well then he knew what bringing up their dad would do to him, which was probably why he'd done it to really stick Dean with the guilt trip, like even after all these years Dean didn’t feel guilty enough about their relationship. Not for the first time he wished Castiel was human _just so he could really **kick** his meddling ass._

'Sam, do you think dad… do you think if he knew he'd ever...'

Sam gritted his teeth.

'He'd hate me Sam, **_he'd hate me for-'_**

'-For what? For giving in to me when he left us for so long we thought we were orphans? For letting me love you, for giving me what I want, _for giving me the only real happiness I've ever had?'_

'He wouldn’t see it that way'.

'He was a selfish obsessed bastard Dean, he loved us, he taught us how to protect ourselves, but he was a terrible father, and I'm sorry but at this stage I don’t much care what he would think about what he was partly responsible for starting in the first place'.

'It's not his fault that-'

'Oh come on Dean!' Sam lowered his voice and ran his hand through his hair ‘let’s not do this Dean, I don’t want to discuss dad, or Cas, or anything else, I just want to lay on this stupid too small bed with you because you won't let go of what people think and just get us a damn room with a king size'.

'Sam we-'

'-Look Dean, if you want to keep up the act with Bobby I’ll back your play, I’ll do whatever you want, but I need you to promise me you're going to try to let this go once and for all, it's been years Dean, you can't keep worrying about what dad would think'.

'But...'

'For what it's worth I think he would have understood eventually'.

'You can't be serious'.

'He knew about me didn’t he, and he still loved me'.

'What?'

'He knew I was a freak, you suspected he knew something you told me'.

'Oh right when I was a ghost in the room when he said he didn’t know anything about yellow eyes plans for you'.

'You told me you knew he was lying and no one knew dad better than you'.

'Yeah he knew something he wasn't telling about yellow eyes crazy plans, _His **plans**_ for you Sammy, not that he'd-'

'-Infected me with demon blood? Look he knew about that too Dean yellow eyes told me'.

'And were believing him because he was such a beacon of truth and honesty, _come on Sam'._

'He was a evil dick Dean, but he wasn’t lying, I could tell, part of the freak powers, he told me that before dad made the deal with him, he asked him if he knew all about me and the other “special kids” and dad told him he'd known for a while'.

Dean was silent and Sam let it sink in.

'Did you notice him loving me any less, or I guess it's better to say did you see him treating me any different? He butted heads with me, we argued, we fought, everything was the same, that’s how when it gets tough… when so many of my memories of him are… that’s how I know that when it came down to it, he truly loved me, and he made that deal for you just like you did for me, he did love us Dean despite all his shortcomings, and I have to believe that if he knew, it might take him a while but eventually he would have at least tried to understand even if he could never approve'.

He knew how much Dean hated what he called “chick flick” moments and this was already dangerously bordering on one with that little speech but he knew his brother and his issues with their dad all too well. He knew he was in pain right now so he went on, ‘remember Dean until you heard differently today you never had any reason to think dad knew, but according to Cas Bobby warned him about it years ago, even if he decked him and wouldn’t believe it, he must have had a moment when he at least wondered why Bobby would say that about us, but he never once said anything to us, or made us feel we were being watched or weren’t trusted together, and Bobby never made us feel that way either, and if what Cas is saying is true he's known for years, and still accepts us, and newsflash Dean, most family members are grossed out by each others sex lives, you can't blame Bobby for that, it doesn't mean he thinks any less of us'.

He did the only thing he could and pulled Dean tighter into his arms whispering into his ear 'he wouldn't hate you Dean, _he wouldn’t,_ if he couldn’t hate me even after he found out the truth about me, how could he ever hate you?'

Dean hugged for different reasons, joy, relief, pride, camaraderie, but even with him it was never long enough to turn from a hug to just holding him. Admitting that he wanted or needed to be held was the kind of softness their dad had drilled out of Dean after their mother was killed, but their father hadn't succeeded in drilling his emotions out of him, because it was Dean he had always looked up to and emulated not their father, and Dean had hugged him and comforted him whenever he wanted, so it was okay if Dean still hated talking about his feelings and could never ask to be comforted, he didn’t have to ask, he didn't have to do anything other than just let himself be held, _it was enough_.

#  ** *********************** **

The sound of a loud car roaring through the motel parking lot woke Sam, he checked the time on his phone, just over 2 hours had passed, for a hunter that was half a good night’s sleep. His stomach rumbled loudly, but more than food he hungered for his brother who surprisingly was still asleep in his arms rather than waking up to find him gone like he usually did.

Sam kissed Dean slow and hard loving the way it felt when Dean's breath hitched in his throat and he responded to him in his sleep.

Dean opened his eyes slowly.

'Hey beautiful' he whispered kissing Dean slowly savouring the moment.

'Heya Sammy' Dean mumbled sleepily 'how long was I out?'

'Couple of hours' he whispered kissing him again, because sleepy Dean was irresistibly smoking hot, and adorable at the same time, with his guard down, he let him do what he wanted, and it was the only time he got to truly make love to Dean without having to wear him down into giving up control, and the only time he got to tell him he was beautiful while doing it without Dean getting huffy about it.

'Come here' he groaned kissing him harder and deeper until Dean's tongue flickered out to duel with his. He could feel the stirrings of desire again, and Dean looked down at his cock then locked eyes with him,

‘Seriously Sammy? again? come on is it V, are you on V? it's okay you can tell me, I won't judge I promise'.

‘Would you stop with that, of course I'm not popping Viagra, I just.. I just _want you'._

'Yeah okay, but why this many-'

'-Who cares?' Sam rolled on top of Dean and spread his legs apart with his knees, 'are you really complaining?'

'No', Dean gasped as Sam slicked them both 'not really'.

'I make it good for you don’t I?' Sam growled kissing Dean and pushing into him at the same time.

'Yeah' Dean cried out, breaking the kiss as he gritted his teeth against the pain. Sam was huge at the best of times but lately it was like his cock was on steroids.

'Come on Dean relax for me'.

'Easy for you to say'.

Sam flexed his hips pushing harder while holding Dean's thighs further apart.

'Fuck', Dean gritted out through clenched teeth, his face contorting in pain 'stop Sam… Sam **_Stop_** it's not going to work'.

Sam rolled them over so Dean was on top 'is that better?' He had an admitted fetish for Dean riding him, whether it was soft and gentle like when he coaxed a sleepy Dean on top of him, and Dean rode him while kissing him until the intimacy made him come so hard for Dean his eyes rolled into the back of his head, or whether Dean was feeling aggressive pinning him down and riding him hard, _he was yet to learn how to last longer than a few minutes before exploding when Dean did that to him_ , but the way Dean grimaced in pain as he tried to feed his hard cock into him told him it wasn't going to work this way either. 'Dammit, we need another room, right now'.

'What? Why?'

'The magic fingers machine in this one is broken, if you were on that right now, I could get inside you'.

'Maybe'.

Sam kissed him whispering 'any chance you want to try blowing me again?'

'No chance in hell'.

'Oh come on you did it before'.

'Sam are you seriously...'

'No I'm just joking I know you only do it because I like it, speaking of which', Sam rolled Dean underneath him in a practiced move and Dean's head fell back as Sam licked a hot path down his chest. 'Oh god Sammy yes', Dean shouted as Sam took him in his mouth, biting licking and sucking as he trembled and shouted out his pleasure until Sam made him forget that bastard Cas was probably watching, or that he was lying to Sam, or that Sam was probably drinking Viagra laced salad shakes, _because Sam had a mouth on him that could put a damn suction pipe to shame._

#  ** *********************** **

'Don’t say I never do anything for you' Sam smirked as Dean wondered if it was possible to get their security deposit back despite his arm shooting out and breaking the lamp when Sam bit down on his tip and made him come screaming.

'I love you Dean' Sam whispered in his ear rubbing up behind him as he braced himself, 'no' Sam murmured 'that was just for you'.

'Are you sure?'

'Yeah, well it seems you’ve had enough'.

'Sorry'.

Sam kissed Dean's jaw 'it's okay I don’t mind that my big brother is a flyweight'.

'You take that back, I was going to offer you the pity hand-job but you can just go jerk yourself off now'.

Sam smiled and kissed Dean's beautiful mouth, kissed his way down the sensitive right side of Dean's neck, loving it when he shivered as he slowly kissed his way across Dean's collarbone to his shoulder, he stopped at Dean's shoulder rubbing his face over Castiel's hand-print murmuring, 'I hate that he marked you'.

'I know Sam'.

'You belong to me Dean, _all of you belongs to me,_ and I hate that he set up a sign letting the world know he touched you, even though your mine'.

'Sam...'

'I know, he was saving you, I get it, I just… how would you like it the situation were reversed'.

'So you mean if you were a girl and Anna pulled you out of the hotbox and left her hand print on your ass'.

Sam smiled despite himself 'Dean, come on I'm serious'.

'So am I Sammy, and let me tell you I wouldn't mind a bit if you as a girl and Anna did the dirty deed'.

'Like you did with her you mean'.

'Oh not this again'.

'I just don’t get how you can bang a supernatural being and it's all right but when I do it-'.

'-Not the same thing Sam, she was basically human at the time'.

'That is such a lame excuse Dean'.

'You're just jealous Sam'.

'You want to talk about whose been jealous of-'

'-If you even mention that bitch Ruby, then I am getting out of this bed right now… and for the record Sam, I wasn’t jealous you're confusing disgust with jealousy'.

'Yeah, right'.

Dean turned around and faced Sam, 'I wasn’t jealous, did the thought of her getting her skanky demon paws all over you fill me with joy, no, was I jealous-'

'-Yes' Sam interrupted, 'you _were_ jealous, you hated the thought of me fucking her'.

'You sure you didn’t _make love_ to her', Dean ground out between clenched teeth'.

Sam pushed Dean roughly on his back, 'no, the only person I've ever done that with is you Dean'.

'Right,' Dean snorted 'you expect me to believe that you never made love to Jess, the woman you were planning to marry'.

Sam shook his head, 'how could I Dean? I loved her, but what we had wasn't real, she didn’t even know me, how could she when practically everything I ever told her about myself was a lie? I was clinging to the idea of a normal life so badly I convinced myself that Stanford, and Jess, and the life we could have together was everything I wanted, I convinced myself to forget about you'.

'Oh yeah' Dean growled 'did it work, did you forget me, cuse it sure felt that way Sam'.

'You know it didn’t work' Sam hissed pinning Dean down roughly and climbing on top of him, 'it was over the moment you broke into our apartment and I saw you again, even if she'd lived after that, sooner or later I would have left her, college, my new friends, everything, to go back to you'

Sam spread Dean open roughly forcing his way into him as Dean cried out harshly, _'it was over the second you touched me Dean'_ he growled against Dean's mouth stilling inside him, 'when you were looking down at me with that damn smile that I couldn't forget no matter how far or how long I ran, I knew everything I'd built was over, when I flipped it around and I was on top you know what I wanted?' Sam bit into Dean's neck harshly licking his way across his throat ' _I wanted to fuck you through the floor',_ he seethed savagely 'I wanted to fuck you until you were screaming for me to stop, for that moment I forgot that I was with someone else, I forgot where I was, or how long we'd been apart, all could think about was-'

'-I know Sam' Dean grated out against the pain of Sam biting into his shoulder 'it's why I told you to get off me, I didn't go there for that'.

Sam's eyes narrowed, 'then you shouldn't have come at all', he growled pulling back and slamming into Dean making Dean cry out low and strangled in his throat, ' _it was over the moment you came for me at Sanford'_ he seethed trusting brutally hard, the cheap motel headboard pounding loudly against the thin wall 'it's only ever been you Dean ** _and you know it’._**


	11. Craving

_Sam had almost broken him in frigging half last night!_ Dean thought angrily as he shifted uncomfortably in the driver's seat, glaring over at Sam accusingly only to find Sam was staring at him like he wanted to eat him. What the hell! Sam had damn near fucked him to death last night and now he was looking at him like he wanted to do it again, _where the hell did he get the nerve_... Or the energy for that matter; seriously it had taken three cups of coffee -two of them Irish- and some industrial roofie strength painkillers before he could even **think** about driving this morning, _so if Sam thought they were going to have another go round he could just forget it!_

He shot Sam a glare and turned his attention back to the road wincing as the Impala went over a pot hole, partly because potholes and baby's suspension didn't mix, and partly because the drugs only delayed the pain _they didn't cure it_... Oh well all the more reason to not let them wear off, hmm... would it be dangerous to mix the painkillers with another Irish Whiskey?…ah screw it, his life was nothing if not constantly filled with danger, no point sweating the small stuff-

Sam tensed up beside him and he automatically went into alert, checking for threats.

'Pull over’ Sam suddenly growled.

Wait, _he recognised that tone!_ They weren't in damn danger! **Sam just wanted to bang him in the back seat!** What the hell was it with him and that? In fact what was with Sam and being a rabid sex machine in general lately?

'Do it' Sam growled low, or I'll take what I want from you while you're driving'.

'And how the hell are you gonna do that?' he barked _because what the fuck!_

Sam's eyes narrowed and Dean did a double take because he knew that look, it was Sam's pushed to breaking point look, but what the hell could have happened to get him this damn worked up? 'Sam are you feeling okay? I mean lately you've been-'

'-Want to taste you Dean' Sam growled completely ignoring the question, the hunger in his gaze intensifying ‘ _pull over’._

Dean looked over at Sam, taking note of how hard he was breathing and pulled the Impala over on the side of the road. 'Sam it's broad daylight', he hissed as Sam was on him before he could even shut of the engine.

Sam simultaneously reclined Dean's seat and shut the engine off ignoring Deans objections as he unbuckled Dean's belt and unfastened his dress pants.

'Sam are you serious right now?' he hissed as Sam clamped has large hands down on his hips holding him down 'You better not be getting any smart ideas about me returning the favour because- oh god, fuck, **_Sam!'_**

'Wouldn't dream of asking for the rare and illusive Dean Winchester blowjob'. Sam mocked licking Dean's rapidly hardening length 'now shut up and enjoy how much you're little brother loves you're ungrateful non-reciprocating ass'.

'Oh I think you've loved my ass enough', Dean hissed, his back arching as Sam kissed and nibbled his tip. 'I could barely move this morning'.

'I know' Sam murmured squeezing Dean in his large fist and jerking him off hard and fast

'I'm sorry I was too rough with you last night, let me make you feel better'.

'Yeah well take it easy in future and- oh ah, oh god, Sam...' and suddenly he couldn't talk anymore because Sam was sucking him hard, wiping his brain clean so all he could do was writhe and pant and moan.

_So okay he was doing it again,_ he was fucking his problems away because he was still angry enough to strangle Castiel to death with his bare hands. The only reason he wasn't having Dean in the back seat right now was because he had seen the pain he was in this morning and realised the vigorous bout of sex he woken up looking forward to probably wasn't going to happen, and feeling guilty as hell he'd bought Dean endless cups of coffee, and even ignored the whisky he poured in at least two of them.

Of course abstaining did nothing to solve the problem of wanting, _and he wanted Dean badly_. Lately he just couldn’t get enough of his brother, he _thirsted_ for him, _hungered_ for him, but he'd gone too far last night, and now Dean was in no shape to take him, so here he was settling for what little he could get; on the plus side he seriously loved the way Dean tasted, and he always got off making his bossy older brother lose control and beg.

Sam was out of his mind, he should stop him but it would take a stronger man than him to turn down a blow job from someone with Sam's skills. The first blow job Sam had ever given him had blown more than just his cock, it had blown his mind, and later on after the alcohol had worn off, after the guilt had set firmly in, and certain in the belief it was never going to happen again, he'd replayed the incident in his mind suddenly suspicious because he'd been blown before by experienced women (and once when he was really, _really_ drunk a horny pair of jock twins who had damn near devoured his cock between them), but Sam had literally been better than all of his previous experiences combined, which naturally begged the question _where in the hell had his underage brother learned to do that?_ and more specifically _**who the hell had been teaching him?** _

Someone had been showing Sammy things, he'd thought the sickening reality swirling round and round in his mind, someone had been teaching him, _touching him,_ **how far had it gone?!** Sam hadn't known how to fuck him, but he'd damn well known everything else, which had to mean he'd been practising, _or worse someone had been practising **on** him_ , and unable to take the horror show going on in his head featuring his underage brother and some perverted paedophile taking advantage of him he'd confronted Sam. He remembered how his hands had clenched into fists and he'd felt like killing something when Sam had casually answered “well of course I've been practising Dean I wanted to be ready for you”, he'd barely been able to ground out “who was it”, through clenched teeth _because he needed to know who to kill_ , when Sam's face had crumpled in childlike confusion adding to his guilt as he'd mumbled “I wasn't with anyone else Dean, how could I be, I meant I was reading about it, everything I could find… and well I practised with… um with a banana so I would know how to um…” Sam had been blushing beet red while explaining how much he wanted to be good for him, that he'd been trying to learn how to be a good lover to please him, and he'd dragged Sam into his arms mid explanation and held him, breathing in his clean innocent smell, just so damn relieved that no one had been abusing him… _no one other than him that was,_ he'd thought berating himself again for ever allowing it to happen and knowing he would never forgive himself, and on that day whatever was left of Sammy's innocence he had been determined to protect, that was what he'd been thinking as he'd realised Sam was getting hard pressing up against him, and before he knew it Sam, who was as tall as he was at that point, had been kissing him hard and fast while pushing him back against the refrigerator, and to this day he still remembered the terrible look of hurt on his little brothers face when he pushed him away, and told him it couldn’t ever happen again; yet here he was years later still consumed with the same guilt while he struggled to be quiet because the single dirt road into the sleepy isolated town they were working was deserted but it was still a public road and anyone could drive by. He doubted a passer-by would be able to see anything because the car was pulled over facing the surrounding forest and banked on one side so the driver side was higher up making it difficult to see them especially since they were laying down; on the other hand the car probably looked abandoned, or suspicious since it was possibly rocking as he shuddered under Sam's talented mouth, and if some do-gooding busy body decided to investigate, _that wouldn't be good_.

He should probably hurry this up, they were in public after all, but he knew he wasn't going to because getting to blow Dean was a treat since he could be as difficult about getting blow jobs as he was about giving them- more of his stupid big brother guilt because it was the first sexual thing he ever allowed him to do to him aside from a few innocent kisses.

He knew his brother, so he knew Dean believed if he hadn't allowed it that drunken night years ago then they would never have had sex that first time. He bit down the way Dean always denied he liked and lapped up his curses and moans as he sucked him hard and tight. _Dean was wrong of course,_ what happened that night was inevitable, Dean might not have been ready for it to happen right then, but that didn't change the fact that It would have happened sooner or later. He still wished he'd had the skill to make it good for Dean back then, it had been incredible for him, earth shatteringly so, but despite what Dean said he knew it hadn't been anywhere near as good for him. It was Dean's first time as well, he'd been with girls, a lot, his reputation as a slut (which Dean had been insanely proud of) was well earned; but that night Dean had been as much a virgin as he had, _he'd been the first to take him,_ and that night be had made Dean his _completely,_ and screw whatever Castiel or anyone else had to say, **because it was going to stay that way** \- fuck, Dean was about to come, he could tell by the feel of him swelling bigger and harder in his hungry mouth, and by how loud Dean was getting, he wanted to taste and he wanted to watch Dean coming- nothing got him going like making Dean come and watching him surrender, Dean's head was thrown back and he couldn't see his face at this angle, but if he jerked him off so he could move up and watch his face while he came It would make a mess out of their Faux FBI Suits, and they didn't have time to go back to the motel and change- swallowing It was then, as Dean came hard shouting his name as he sucked him dry jamming three of his fingers in Dean's mouth and wishing he could see his face as he came.

#  ** *********************** **

Frigging Sam had made a frigging mess out of him! he thought angrily as he splashed water on his face in the bathroom of a potential witness they were questioning. _How in the hell_ were they supposed to be convincing as FBI agents when he'd arrived looking like he'd been dragged through a hedge backwards while dehydrated? Seriously, **what the hell was up with Sam lately?**

#  ** *********************** **

‘Glamping' Sam huffed, ‘we waited to talk to idiots who were too busy glamping in the woods to hear yet alone see anything! It must be nice to be so busy pretending to have adventure from behind the locked doors of a RV tucked up in your nice comfy beds that you can't hear real campers being attacked and raise the alarm. You know I bet whatever's out there didn't try eating them because it knew it couldn't stomach right-wing Poser bigot'.

'Wow Sam, don't hold back, tell me how you really feel about them'.

‘I mean did you see the way he looked at us when he said _"do you two boys have wives?"_ I could just _feel_ the bigotry' .

'Not saying he's not a bigot or anything, but you were kinda looking at me like you wanted to screw me right on his hideous carpet at the time so…

'I should have'.

'You _what_?'

'I wonder what he would say If he knew I blew you in the car on the way over here' .

'Um, _probably the same thing Sam'._

'Well he can stick his disapproval right up his ass'.

'Better his than mine'.

'Let’s go this way' he gestured grabbing Dean's shoulder and steering him towards a secluded wooded area.

'Shortcut?' Dean Questioned and Sam smiled to himself because despite Dean being a badass battle-hardened hunter, sometimes his brother was just so damn innocent and trusting with him, but then life had made Dean earn his dark side, whereas he, unlike Dean had been born with his. Yellow eyes blood in him, Lucifer's true vessel, it was all tantamount to the same thing, one way or another he was always going to go dark side; he'd made himself and by extension Dean miserable for years running from that simple fact.

'Where are we going Sam? I thought we gonna question that surprisingly hot librarian next'.

Sam pushed Dean up against a tree, _frigging hot librarian indeed,_ 'that can wait' he hissed.

'Why?' Dean asked, automatically checking for danger.

'Because' he growled rubbing his hard cock up against him 'there's something we have to do first'

'You can't be serious' Dean growled pushing Sam back, you drag me out into the middle of the damn woods for this? We're In the middle of a damn hunt Sam, what in the hell is wrong with you?'

Sam stared down at his brother. Sex with Dean when he was angry was superhot, but he couldn't right now, even if Dean wasn't in pain right this minute because he was constantly dipping into the never ending stash of pills he'd recently lifted from a monster victim's home "in remembrance", he would definitely feel it when they eventually wore off so he was just going to have to settle for making Dean come again, and this time he was going to watch him.

'Sam are you even listening?'

He pushed Dean back harder against the tree and kissed the hell out of him until he stopped struggling and kissed him back, hard and rough the way he liked it, instead of softer Like Dean Preferred. Dean was mad at him, which made him aggressive, if they were fucking right now Dean would be riding his cock hard and fast, and he'd be struggling to last, and failing as spectacularly as he always did when Dean took him like that.

Just thinking about it was making him even hornier as Dean shoved him back again hissing _'Enough_ , let's get back to work Sammy _**now**_ '. The bossy older brother tone made him want to obey Dean, to suck his cock again, to surrender to him, but it also made him want to dominate him by fucking him until he begged for mercy like he had last night.

Dean's beautiful green eyes were on fire, the lush woodland area enhancing the mesmerising emerald green shooting hot defiant sparks at him, and the need for dominance won as he kissed Dean hard, ripping off his jacket so it didn't get ruined and ignoring his protests as he unbuckled Dean and shoved his dress pants and boxers to his ankles, grabbing him and masturbating him rough and fast.

'Sam _stop'_.

'No'.

'… um fuck, stop, _I can't_ , not again'.

'Yes you can' Sam seethed ' I'm gonna make you'.

'Sam would you just quit it already, _I said no'_.

Sam pinned Dean's hands over his head against the tree in just one of his and held him there knowing how much Dean hated that he was strong enough to overpower him when he was weak and distracted like this because he was jerking him off hard enough to make his knees buckle, to make him come a second time, cursing and swearing and utterly beautiful glistening with sweat in the hot mid morning sun.

Looking into Dean's eyes while he forced him to come bought him to boiling point, _he couldn't hold back any more,_ he would just have to try to take it really slow and easy, then they could- Dean surprised him by reversing their positions and slamming him up against the tree mid thought.

‘Are you acting out because you need me to fuck you Sammy, is that what this is about?' Dean turned him around roughly, reaching around and grabbing his hard cock, trapping him between the rough bark of the large tree and his hard body pressed up behind him, ‘need me to do it to you baby boy?' Dean's deep dominate tone as he crooned darkly in his ear was getting him there faster than the slow deliberate way Dean was jerking him off 'need me to ram my cock into you good and hard the way you like it, need me to make you writhe, need me to make you beg, need me to hold you down and come in you?'

‘Yes, fuck, please' he moaned helplessly because right now, Dean barely had to touch him to set him off, _and he knew it_ as he deliberately squeezed, making him come so hard his whole body was shuddering and he was struggling for breath as Dean turned him around to face him.

‘I will do it Sam, if that's what you need' Dean's voice was quiet against the back drop of loud rustling leaves and tweeting birds', but you gotta take it easy on me man, _you're killing me here'._

He struggled to stand upright leaning down and kissing Dean softly and slowly the way Dean liked, ‘I'm sorry'.


	12. Invade

 

_Hello Dean._

_Dammit Cas I'm trying to sleep._

_You are sleeping Dean._

_I am? **Then stay out of my Dreams.**_

_Why would I do that?_

_Because it's my head asshat, it's my space, you don't just get to-_

_-Of course I do, I'm your guardian Angel, of course I get to be inside your mind._

_Cas do you even know how creepy that sounds, now go away I'm tired._

_Yes, Sam seems to have exhausted you._

_You were watching that? I thought I told you to quit with the winged voyeur pervert thing already, what do you get your freak show rocks off watching us or something?_

_No quite the opposite._

**_Then quit perving on us asshat!_ **

_It is never my intention to perve as you put it, I came here to talk to you and found you having sex with your brother, and as is always the case when that happens it is like watching a train wreck as humans say, you do not wish to see it, but you simply cannot look away._

**_Try harder_** _-wait, Cas are you.. are you **touching** me right now?! _

_Of course Dean, I often soothe away your bad dreams in this manner._

_By bad touching me while I'm sleeping! **Are you freaking kidding me?!** _

_I've never done anything to you in your dreams that you didn't really want me to do Dean._

_I'm not even going to ask what you mean by that, or tell you how rapey it sounds **Just go away.**_

_Hmm I must say, I was expecting some of your customary outrage at being dragged into anything even vaguely homosexual, strange since you are currently committing incestuous homosexual fornication, but you have never done things the easy way._

_First of all what's between me and Sam is between me and Sam, **stay out of it,** and second of all you don't really count as a dude being junkless as all, and third, oh yeah right GET BENT and **BACK OFF** -hey don't you get all wings up mad at me! if anyone's gotta right to be pissed here it's me and ...Oh Wow... Whoa…. You've never showed me your wings before!_

_Yes I have, you just don't remember it._

_…They're kinda awesome Cas._

_You have said this to me before._

_Well if you quit windexing my brain maybe I'd remember._

_I am not the one who makes you forget Dean, it is your subconscious protecting you from things you cannot fully understand, such as witnessing my true form._

_Shouldn't that make my eyes explode outta my damn skull, I mean no wonder my brain won't let me remember._

_You cannot be harmed by gazing upon my true form here Dean, this is not reality, what you see of me here is in part a projection of your limited understanding of my true form._

_In that case shouldn't you be a wispy glowing light thing._

_My grace yes, but I also have a physical mass, as you have both a soul and a body, I have grace and a mass which encapsulates that grace._

_Well you certainly don't look like Jimmy any more._

_How do I look to you now Dean?_

_Hell should I know? Maybe if you turned down the damn wattage on your face I could tell you, right now it hurts to even look, all I can really see clearly is your wings._

 

_Describe what you see._

_...They're actually dark gold as opposed to the black like I always assumed and they're, kinda shimmering, I guess, I mean there's all these shimmers of glowing dark red running through them, and there's like these sparkles of light or whatever... like I said they're kinda awesome._

 

[ ](http://photobucket.com/)

_You have always liked them._

_Yeah, well you don't see stuff like that every day, although maybe if i could remember seeing them I'd get used to it. You kinda sound the same, I mean I know that nicotine rasp is you not Jimmy, but now it sounds like lots of people are speaking with you, gotta tell you Cas **It's beyond creepy.**_

_Look at me Dean._

_Yeah no thanks I'm kinda attached to my eyes._

_I will not allow any harm to come to you, **now look.**_

_Will you go away and leave me alone if I do?_

_If you wish._

_Fine I'm looking, okay I guess I can see some of your face now, wait... how come your looking down at me? **I'm taller than you and you know it you sunuvabitch!**_

_What if I told you my mass is equal to that of your empire state building._

_What if I told you to quit showing off!_

_You can stop backing away from me now Dean I'm not going to touch you._

_What, whose backing away? it's my head ass clown, I mean how would that even work?_

_Your fear is quite understandable, however-_

_-You're confusing creeped out with afraid._

_There is no need for fear Dean, when I touch you again I want it to be your physical body, in the real world, I want there to be no mistake about what is happening, and when I take you I want you to remember all your living days what it felt like, and when your mortal days expire then I will find a way to re-enter heaven to be by your side._

_Uh look Cas, that's a nice speech and all but don't you think that's gonna be kinda awkward with Sam and me sharing a heaven._

_It is almost sweet the way you cling to the belief that your brothers final destination is heaven, delusional but sweet._

_Cas, **do not** be talking shit about Sam, he's gonna end up in heaven if I have to burn the frigging place to the ground first._

_As I said Dean, delusional but sweet._

_Watch who your calling sweet **cupcake.**_

'Dean wake up! why are you hissing about cupcakes? if you're that frigging hungry I think I got a sandwich in my duffel'.

 _Sam?_ 'It's not that, er just a heavenly pow wow with Cas'.

Sam's brows rose sceptically 'and that involved cupcakes how exactly?'

'No he was being an asshat so I called him-'

Sam raised his palm in an - _you know what I don't even want to know-_ gesture and sighed, 'just tell me what the hell he wanted, and it better not be more of his fire and brimstone crap, or some other earth shattering news about our past that he just had to drop on you.

'No, he just wanted to let me know that there is nothing new on the search for god front'.

'And he had to invade your mind to do that?'

'He does that all the time Sam'.

'Yeah well he never does it to me, only you, did you ever wonder about that Dean'.

 _In retrospect he probably should have._ ‘No, I mean as far as I know he can't just pop up in your dreams so easily, I mean it's easier with me, or something.

'Or he just likes you better'.

'Um'.

'Tell him to stay out of your head Dean, I mean don't you think it's creepy the way that he just acts like he owns you sometimes, I mean he burned his frigging handprint into you, _it was practically calling dibs'_.

 _Sam was right that was exactly how Cas was acting, and he had more or less said the exact same thing to his face yesterday._ ‘Oh come on Sam, this is Cas were talking about, he probably doesn't even know what calling dibs means'.

‘You keep telling yourself that Dean, keep pretending he's just your nerdy little friend, you have some pretty misguided views about him, and you know what pisses me off the most, the way you just blindly trust him'.

‘No I don't'.

‘ _Yes you do_ , and it's not even like you, so enough already, it's about time you wised up to him, he doesn't need you to hold his hand and walk him through star trek references'.

‘You're making it sound like I think Cas is a child I have to babysit'.

‘That's exactly what it is, I get it Dean I do, a friggin Angel came into our lives and we had to deal, and for you that meant treating him just like anyone else, like a hunter buddy, and when he first got here I admit it, he was a bit like a lost puppy some of the time, but that doesn't change the fact he's a warrior whose thousands of years older than both of us; he is not a clueless nerd anymore, he's a jillion year old celestial being, that newsflash, _has a thing for you._

‘You're wrong Sam I do get that he's thousands of years old, that's kinda the problem, he's completely outta the loop… or he doesn't get the loop, whatever, look Sam, Cas has gone to bat for us time and time again, he's even died for us, you can't just forget all that because you think he has a thing for me, and even if you're right and he does, I'm not gonna get all worked up over some harmless man crush.

‘If you really believed that you wouldn't be so distracted thinking about whatever drama you have going on with him since he saw me fucking you and started being a judgmental _jealous_ dick about it; and there was _nothing_ harmless in him telling you about dad and Bobby.

'Sam-

'-No Dean, the way Cas is with you, how far he's willing to go for you, and the way he's been acting lately, as if you being his charge means he has some kind of claim over you, that all adds up to way more than a stupid little crush _and you know it,_ so just do me a favour and for once have your guard up around him, the next time he shows up you tell him that unless it is literally life and death your head is off limits to him, I think it's about time Cas learned some frigging boundaries where your concerned, _or I'm going to make him'_.

‘Okay Sam, I hear you, now can we stop talking about Cas'.

‘Fine with me'.

‘So can we talk about what's up with you lately, specifically in the pants department'.

‘What?'

‘ _You're turning into fuckzilla Sammy'._

‘… I can not **_believe_** you just said that'.

‘I call it like it see it, or more specifically how my ass feels it after you're done pounding me part way to death'.

Sam moved closer, ‘I'm sorry I was too rough with you last night'.

‘No I get it, I shouldn't have been talking smack about your emo runaway days at Stanford'.

‘Dean I'm serious, I really didn't mean to… god I don't, I can't always control, these days I…

‘Sam I know we're pretty good at reading each other, but I'm gonna need you to finish a sentence here. … are you okay? what's going on, look you know you can tell me anything right, I'm not gonna freak out Sammy I promise, we talked about this, no matter what happens we're gonna figure it out just like we always-'

_‘-I'm not frigging drinking demon blood!'_

‘Well good, I mean not that I thought that was what was happening or anything… it's just good to know that, um I mean I'm just glad to hear that-'

‘-Don’t you think you'd know if I was cracking out for Demon blood again!’

‘Yeah but maybe this time instead of cracking out you're, you know, jacked up… in the er pants department’.

‘You're an idiot Dean, _please just stop talking'._

‘Words hurt Sammy'.

Sam took a deep breath and sighed it out slowly, ‘It's not the blood I promise you'.

'It's okay Sammy I believe you, I know how hard you've fought to keep away from that stuff, and I know you've been winning, for what it's worth I'm proud of you; but if you're not craving bitch blood _then what the hell's been up with you lately?'_


	13. Covet

‘It's… the _situation_ Dean, Archangels hunting us down, every damn zealot in America falling over themselves to sell us out, and everyone just so damn sure that I'm going to say yes'.

‘You're not, do you hear me, you are not going to say yes to that sunuvabitch', Dean's tone was finite, ‘I'm here and I promise you, I'm never going to let that happen'.

‘What if you can't stop me, what if everyone's right and-

‘-They're not right Sammy', Dean pulled Sam's head down to his, 'they don't know you, they just hear Lucifer's Vessel and assume he's gonna win, but we know something they don't'.

‘Yeah and what's that?'

‘You are, hands down the toughest sunuvabitch I know, you're not gonna break because you and me are gonna fight this thing, together just like we always do, I don't care how big it is, we are gonna kick it in the ass, because we always do, that's who we are'.

Sam kissed Dean because he couldn't do anything else, because no matter what Dean always had his back, even now when he didn't deserve it, because he had let Lucifer out of his cage and condemned the world to a war it couldn't win. Now those they once called comrades hunted him and by extension Dean for defending him, yet despite all this Dean was still his, and after everything that was what mattered the most, that was what gave him the courage to keep going in the face of insurmountable odds.

Dean shifted in his arms getting uncomfortable with being held for so long, but instead of releasing him or initiating sex like he usually did he just held him tighter because he _needed_ it, he needed to hold what was his.

'We're going to find a way to fix this Sam, I promise'.

Dean's voice was muffled against him because he was holding him to tight, and he tried to loosen his grip a little, but in this moment it was as if his grip on Dean was his only grip on sanity, and he _couldn't_ let go. Dean surprised him by relaxing and allowing himself to be held in "the chick embrace" as he called it even though he knew Dean hated it.

The feelings of hopeless desperation, rage, and frustration began to slowly subside as holding Dean up against his body had the usual effect, and he could practically feel Dean rolling his eyes as he hardened up against him. 'I want you' he murmured low in Dean's ear.

'Yeah I get that Sam'.

Dean's tone was so belligerent it made him smile despite everything. 'don't worry flyweight', he murmured mockingly while kissing his way across his brothers beautiful mouth, 'I'm not going to do anything' to you'.

'Whose worried'. Dean growled defensively, 'I could go another round'.

Sam threw back his head and laughed until Dean dug him sharply in the ribs and wrestled his way out of his embrace.

'I know I, I know' Sam smiled ‘you were going to offer me the pity hand job but I can just go jerk myself off now'.

'Damn right' Dean barked marching towards the motel shower while his eyes slid down Dean's back and riveted to his perfect backside'.

'Quit eyeballing my ass and move it, we gotta bunch of right wing NRA nuts to grill in an hour, hopefully one of em can give us a damn clue about what we're dealing with here'.

‘Um, you need any help in the shower Dean?'

‘No'.

Dean disappeared into the bathroom as Sam murmured ‘take that as a yes' under his breath quickly stripping and tossing his clothes aside as he followed Dean into the shower.

To his surprise Dean didn't start yelling at him, or accuse him of taking Demon blood laced Viagra as he entered the shower pressing up against Dean's back and rubbing his hard cock up against him. Dean turned around and their eyes locked and before he knew it he was picking Dean up, and kissing the hell out of him, and for once Dean wasn't getting huffy about it and demanding to be put down, instead he was looping his arms around his neck and wrapping his legs around his waist as he was urgently pressing him up against the shower wall, thankful this was a nice village inn with a spotless shower cubicle. 

‘ _Ah **god** you feel good' _ he groaned pushing his hard cock up into him, his passage eased a little by the slippery soap all over Dean's body. ‘Love you' he panted, 'promise I'm not gonna give in, as long as you're with me, I can do anything, I can _-ah-_ stand up - _ah_ \- to anything, as long as I _-ah fuck_ \- as long as I have you with me'.

‘I'm not going anywhere Sam' Dean murmured kissing him as he fucked him slowly, deep and intense up against the shower wall, hot water streaming over their bodies, as he mouthed heated kisses along the sensitive side of Dean's neck.

‘It's too good…' he moaned helplessly, ‘I'm not going to last, can I _-ah god-_ can I come inside you?' he knew Dean didn't always like it when he did, but just the thought of it drove him so crazy he usually forgot to ask.

‘Yeah, - _ah-_ okay'

‘God, _yes'_ he growled pulling Dean down harder as he thrust up ‘you feel so good baby'.

‘How many - _uh_ \- times do I have to tell you - _ah_ \- not to call me baby'.

‘I know - _ah_ \- tough guy, now kiss me the way I like it… _yeah like that'_ he moaned his voice breaking with the intensity, his orgasm crashing into him as he tried to stay as still as he could, because Dean needed him to take it easier on him and he'd promised to try, but he couldn't control himself as wild ecstasy smashed through his restraint, destroying him until he had to move, _had to take_ , ‘sor- sorry' he ground out struggling to speak.

‘It's alright Sammy' Dean was murmuring in his ear ‘you can do whatever you want to me'.

Dean telling him it was alright, that he could take him the way he needed to, that he could come inside him, took him back to the first time he had him, pushing him violently over the edge and making him rough in the last moments as Dean winced against the pain biting into his lower lip.

‘Sorry' he moaned again still struggling to speak, his heart pounding as he just held Dean up against the wall still throbbing deep inside him.

The shower cubicle was dark and intimate with the bathroom shutters closed, the warm water soothing his tension as he just held Dean in his arms, anchored deep inside his warm tight body. He hadn't lasted long, he couldn't, it was too intense, and Dean hadn't come yet he thought wrapping his large fist around Dean's semi hard cock, but he knew when Dean pushed his hand away that Dean wasn't going to let him make him come. He hated one sided pleasure, but he knew better than to push it right now, he'd already forced Dean to come more than once today, and it was probably for the best that his usual stamina had been overridden by the sudden intensity of having Dean in this position, because Dean had asked for easier and he wasn't exactly succeeding in giving him that, but he was trying he thought, kissing Dean slowly as he reluctantly slid out of him, feeling guilty as Dean winced.

He still had Dean trapped against the wall, and he couldn't resist tipping Dean's chin up and kissing him, aware that he was getting hard again, and that had to be a record… maybe Dean was right, maybe he was turning into some kind of sex monster, but it had nothing to do with the damn blood… well not in the way that Dean had to worry about, it was just difficult being this helpless when this time last year he had frigging superpowers, yeah okay they were evil demon superpowers, but they were superpowers none the less, and being left to get hit in the face by bitches like Meg wielding telephones was doing nothing for his battered ego, or confidence as a hunter- _he just wanted back in the fight,_ the way he used to, when piss poor stunt demons could never kick his ass, could never almost gut Dean in front of him while he was too busy getting whaled on by someone he'd personally sent to hell to do anything to stop it. _Frustration was **eating him alive,**_ Lucifer was stalking him, _he could feel it_ , and he wanted to be strong, but there was no escape, even killing himself wouldn't help because the devil had told him to his face he would just bring him back.

Dean made to move and he pushed Dean back against the wall and held him, worried he was crushing him in his arms, but he needed him, **_needed him,_** because he wanted to keep saying **No** until they found a way out of this thing, but it was the devil himself, _how was he supposed to stand up to that?_ He wanted to kill him for making their lives literal hell, but there was no way to do that, the only one who could supposedly defeat him was Michael, which meant Dean, _his Dean_ , they wanted to make them fight each other, kill each other, and all for what, their petty family squabble? It wasn't as if the fight would even solve anything, how could it when both sides had the power to bring their general back if he fell?

He and Dean could end up trapped in their own meat suits for an eternity, stuck in a pointless battle while the world burned, and anything and everything they ever cared about was destroyed, and for what, FOR WHAT? He was angry, he was seething, he was desperate, he was terrified, _he was barely hanging on_ and Dean had become his outlet, his anchor, the only thing keeping him going, _and god he wanted him,_ he wanted him again.

‘Sam'.

‘I know, I'm sorry, god I keep saying that'.

‘You don't have to keep apologising Sam, I don't know why what's going on with you right now is making you hornier that a high school jock but-

‘-It's not that Dean, I'm not… I can't explain it… I just _need you'._

‘I'm here Sam, I promise I'm here, but right now…'

‘Yeah I know'.

He kissed Dean again, soft and slow as opposed to his usual rough and hard and reluctantly let him go because Dean was right, they were still working a case, the body count was getting higher and they still didn't know exactly what they were up against; and he really did have to keep to his word and take it easier on Dean, he couldn't take out his frustrations and anger on him the way he had been lately.

#  ** ************************** **

Oh that is it', Sam barked tossing lit matches on to the salted bones he had been dowsing with lighter fluid when Dean was almost _killed_ by a regular two bit ghost. Dean looked at the inferno from his position on the floor where the ghost had been sucking the life from him dispassionately and he yanked Dean to his feet back walking him to the corner and slamming him up against the wall, adrenaline pumping through his veins. H _e was furious_ , **_how could Dean be so fucking reckless._** 'Don't' he snarled as Dean tried to move away, ‘stay right where you are until I forgive you for almost dying on a routine salt and burn because your damn heads not in the game!

'It's not the first time one of us has been handed our ass on a hunt Sam'.

'NOT LIKE THIS' he bellowed, 'she didn't blind side you, she came right at you, in your direct line of sight, so how the hell did she get her hands round your throat before you could get a shot off, _I thought she was going to kill you right in front of me Dean,_ what the hell was that! _-I said don't **move'** _ he growled low and dangerous as Dean again tried to move away.

'And what if she had wasted me Sam, they would just bring me back, and if they got you too we'd be sharing a brew with Ash and Pamela and trying to ditch the dick squad... all right Sam, I screwed up okay, it happens, now just let it go'.

'No' Sam seethed devouring Dean's mouth in a punishing kiss, 'the only thing I want to hear from you is the truth about what's really going on. I mean it, _not a word'_ he hissed' tasting what was his while unbuckling their belts and shoving Dean's pants to his knees, rage surging through him as he fought his way inside him, silencing Dean's protests with his large hand clamped ruthlessly over his mouth while fucking him brutally hard up against the wall.

#  ** ************************** **

'Alright Dean you're going to tell me what's going on and you're going to tell me right now, because whatever it is has you so damn distracted you almost got yourself killed today'.

'Nice to know you show your concern for me by fucking the hell out of me'.

' _Dean_ '.

Sam's voice was very quiet and Dean knew that Sam had reached his limit which was never a good thing, and to make it worse Sam was studying him intensely... lying to Sam was difficult under normal circumstances, _it would be virtually impossible like this..._ So he just had to bend the truth a little, not an outright lie that Sam would see right through, more a little fudging of the facts. 'You're right Sam, something has been going on'.

'I know that, Sam's tone was dark, barely controlled, 'so stop stalling and just tell me what it is'.

'Okay, I will but you got to promise not to freak out'. Sam's eyes narrowed as he said nothing and Dean took a deep breath, 'so um this stupid er thing kinda happened with Cas...


	14. Savage

**_'Castiel tried to get you to let him screw you?!'_ **

'Wait how the hell did you get that from me telling you Cas got a bit confused and tried to _kiss_ me?!'

‘All this insanity with his dick brothers must have finally driven him off the deep end, well I got no problem putting him out of his misery Dean, all I have to do is ram an Angel blade into his lying conniving-'

'-Sam calm down'.

'No! I mean what does he think this is? What, so because he finally figured out what he really wants from you that suddenly makes him your boyfriend just like everyone always says? -Well everyone doesn't know you already have a damn boyfriend, but he does, he saw us the other day, he knows you're taken Dean, he knows you belong to me, _he knows you're mine!_ **What the hell is he _thinkin_ g _?!_** \- and why the hell didn't you tell me as soon as it happened, _why have you been hiding it from me?'_

'Hey! I'm not your frigging boyfriend Sam! _I thought we already discussed that'_.

Sam turned around and glared at Dean as if he hadn't spoken ‘what happened between you and him that day?'

‘Who Cas, nothing, _nothing_ , come on its Cas Sam, what could have happened?'.

Sam's eyes narrowed as he studied Dean's face 'You're **_lying'_**.

‘I'm not, nothing happened he just told me what he wanted, well what he expected would happen when he returned and he left’.

‘And I suppose the fact you were looking guilty as sin when I came in here, and the fact that for the first time in our entire lives you went down on me, without it being my birthday and without me having to beg has nothing to do with it, I know you Dean the only way you would do that-

‘-No I just wanted to do something nice for you-

- ** _Bullshit!_** you felt guilty' Sam's voice went deadly quiet ‘I'm assuming because you and Cas did something similar, don't give me details because I'm a little tempted to _strangle_ you right now, _him I'm going to kill_ ’.

‘Sam listen to me you have to calm down, just let me explain-

‘-How could you let him touch you, your mine Dean, **_what the hell were you thinking!'_**

'It wasn't like that, I was just trying to put him off and-

‘-You're lying' Sam roared picking up a lamp and hurling it at the wall where it exploded with the force, smashing into dangerous pieces of flying shrapnel, ‘you let him, you and him, you're, I can't I' Sam slammed Dean against the wall hard ‘tell me the truth' he bellowed grabbing Dean's jacket and shaking him, ‘TELL ME!'

‘ _I have’_.

‘You're telling me that you put your beautiful fucking mouth on him to get him to back off and you expect me to believe-

'-I had to do something Sam, I thought he just needed something to take the edge of his crazy ideas about wanting me and being in love with me and-

Sam suddenly went very still. 'What did you just say?' he asked quietly his head tilting down in that disturbing way it did when he was calculating, even as he was clearly seething with rage.

 ** _Shit! '_** Um I said I just, I thought that if he got a sample of um, _stuff_ , he would realise that he had built it up to much in his head and-

‘-I'll tell you what I think happened, I think Bobby doesn't know crap about us which would explain why he's never said anything, and I think Cas threatened to tell him about catching us together and you were trying to buy his silence with that mouth of yours, and having experienced that mouth of yours I'm sure it would have worked if that was all he was after, but it isn't Dean, backing you into a corner where you feel you have no choice but to give him what he wants, that's what he's after, and newsflash Dean what he wants is you, and not just for a quick fuck behind my back either, don't you get it Dean, he wants you for himself, he always frigging has, it's beyond obvious, it took him a while to figure it out I'll give him that, but once he did, well put it this way he fell for you in every sense of the word, and now we have to deal with it'.

'Sam please it's not like... I didn't actually… I just let him think I would, then he er kissed me a few times and kinda got over excited from a harmless handjob and blew his stack, that was it I swear'.

'You probably think that makes it better Dean but believe me it doesn't; call him here now, he listens when you call, _bring him here'_.

'So you can do what?'

'Me and your guardian wanna-be boyfriend Angel are just going to have a little chat, sort out what's what, I'm just gonna talk to him that's all'.

Dean's eyebrows rose in disbelief, _Sam looked absolutely murderous,_ chatting didn't seem likely, and the very last thing any of them needed was Sam relapsing into his blood junkie ways to get enough juice to take on Cas; even more disturbing was the fact Sam actually _could_ get powerful enough to not just take on but _kill_ an Angel but he definitely could; Bottom line Alistair was far stronger than Cas, he'd handed Cas his ass both times they fought, and yet Sam had torn Alistair apart like he was nothing, add the fact that Cas didn't have the same strength since he'd fallen and it was clear if it came down to it... Sam could _kill_ him, and even though Cas was being a dick right now he didn't want his only friend dead; ...maybe Cas was acting like this because of the fall, maybe when he got used to human emotions this would all stop.

Sam held his hands up at Dean's closed mouth, shut down expression. Dean clearly didn't want him getting into it with Cas, well it was too frigging late for that! He'd been mad enough to beat Castiel to within an inch of death for what he'd told Dean about their dad and Bobby as it was,  _and that was **before** he found out he was trying to fuck Dean behind his back as if tormenting him and driving him back to lying and alcoholism wasn't bad enough_. fortunately for him he was far better at lying to Dean then Dean was at lying to him because right now he had to convince Dean to call his precious winged dick here. 'Look Dean I know he bought you back to me, and I'm guessing since he pulled your soul out of hell and left his paw prints all over you, that he's feeling a little entitled, _which is pretty much what I've been frigging saying this whole time. So_  he finally made his play and now me and him are going to have to get a few damn things straight when it comes to you Dean, _starting with how your damn mouth is off limits to him’._ Sam toyed with the small bottle of holy oil in his hand,  _and if he just happened to have to enforce those rules by permanently scarring Castiel's pretty blue eyed meat suit then-_

‘-Sam jeeze put that down, let's just try to talk about this calmly ok'.

‘Call him Dean'.

‘No, not when your brandishing holy oil; you're pissed Sam, I get it, but barbecuing Cas is not the solution'.

‘Dean this is not up for debate, call him now or I will'.

‘Sam I get that you want to have words with him, I do, but you can't get into it with him like this, you can't just deep fry him, we need him on side, we're in the middle of a damn crisis here, in case you forgot Michael and Lucifer are gunning for us, and the friggin apocalypse is nigh, we don't have time-

‘- _Dean,_ _call him here,_ **_NOW_** _!_ '

‘Sam, do not become angered with your brother, what happened was not his fault'.

Sam glared down at Castiel, his rage intensifying as he realised Castiel had chosen to appear in between him and Dean, as if shielding Dean from him, _as if claiming Dean for himself._

'Cas I'm only going to say this once, you and Dean are never going to happen, Dean belongs to **me** , _and I do **NOT** share, _ do you understand?'

‘Of course Sam'.

‘I'm getting a bit tired of you talking about me like I'm a thing you own, so knock it off Sam'.

Sam ignored him completely and Dean rolled his eyes in frustration and huffed out a breath behind Castiel ‘and you can move as well asshat, quit acting like a human shield, well a dick wearing a human shield'.

Sam's eyes narrowed ‘If you try to take advantage of the relationship you have with him again you're going to have me to deal with, and we won't be talking then, you know what I'm capable of when pushed so this can go whichever way you want, it can end here or it can end with-

'-That's enough Sam, he gets it okay, no more mistaking me for Pamela Anderson just because we're both dirty blondes'.

Castiel just stared at Sam and then vanished.

'You see Sam he heard you it's all over now, and it wasn't that big of a deal, I told you he just got a little-

_Sam turned away and walked out._

#  ** ********************** **

Dean sat down heavily on the bed scowling furiously as Cas suddenly appeared beside him and damn near made his heart leap into his throat.

'Well your Sammy certainly has a bee in his bonnet as they say'.

‘First of all who the fuck actually says that? And second off all, don't Cas, _just don't,_ you had your fun, now just leave me the hell alone, Sam's mad at me and I-

‘-And you hate it when you're boyfriends mad at you'.

'He's _not_ my boyfriend'.

Castiel leaned closer ‘here's the thing Dean, I don't actually give a fuck, I didn't come here to talk about your latest spat with your overgrown little brother- boyfriend, I came here to take what's mine'.

‘Wow Cas… has the Cas I knew been an act this whole time, something you just wear like your wearing Jimmy's meat, well newsflash you dick, you and me, **_never gonna happen._** Seriously, what the hell’s wrong with you, _I don't even know who the hell you are right now'._

'Yes you do', Castiel growled, ‘you've always known who I am you just didn't want to admit it'.

'That's bullshit and you know it, you've changed, you're off the freaking reservation, and I'm done dealing with it; now if you got something to say about the god hunt, or the goddamned apocalypse spill it, if not _flutter the fuck outta here._ I mean it Cas I'm done with your fucked up little games, and I'm telling you to get out of here before Sam gets back and decides to deep fry him a winged dick, and FYI, when he does I'm not even gonna try to stop him. In fact if you got anything to say to me from now on you can send me a damn text, oh and feel free to stay outta my goddamned head while you're at it'.

'That's never going to happen Dean, I'm _never_ just going to back off and let someone else have you, _especially not Sam'._

'What the hell are you saying?’

‘You know what I'm saying Dean, I'm saying you're mine, and you know why I'm here right now, _I've made my intentions very clear'._

‘Oh my god you’ve lost your damn mind, did you miss the part where Sam found out and threatened to kill you?, he's _furious_ , you think this is a joke! you can't just-

Castiel fisted Dean's shirt and yanked him forward kissing him hard, ‘ _be quiet Dean_ , how many times do I have to tell you I don't intend to take no for an answer, now just be quiet and…’ Castiel tilted his head to one side ‘I'm being called Dean, I have to leave, but be under no illusion, _I **will** pick this up with you later'_.

Dean groaned and rested his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. He never should have touched Cas the whole thing had turned around and bit him in the ass, now Sam was mad at him and Cas was acting like they were actually going to fuck behind Sam's back. If Cas had really been his Cas, the one he thought he knew, then that little bit of pity sex he threw him would have worked, but Cas had changed just like Sam had been saying, and unlike Sam he had been completely blind to the now glaringly obvious truth that beneath his façade of innocent, nerdy little best friend, _**Castiel had been playing him expertly.**_

***************************

Dean sighed as Sam came slamming back into the room and stood up bracing himself for Sam's anger, instead Sam held him, as if he were drowning and Dean was a life preserver. Sam's entire body was shaking with pent up emotion, and Dean put his arms around Sam and held him as hard as he could.

Sam kissed him slowly then faster and harder and Dean knew they weren't going to talk about this, not yet, he knew Sam, he understood what was happening. Sam didn't often get insecure, he was in ridiculous shape, super easy on the eyes, strong, wicked smart, and confident, but sometimes when he got jealous the chubby little twelve year old who their father had bullied into shape reared its head. It was the reason Sam worked out so hard, the reason he rarely ate anything from what he personally considered  the four basic food groups, sugar, burgers, pie, and alcohol. _Goddamnit He'd screwed up big time,_ he should have stuck to lying, drinking, and avoiding, because what had happened with Cas had clearly given Sam's confidence a knock, he wasn't just angry he was _hurt_ , and it was his fault, he was responsible _, **he had to fix this**._

Sam stripped him rougher than necessary, ripping his shirt, tearing his T shirt, and ripping the buttons of his jeans, but he didn’t tell him to take it easy, he just let Sam do what he wanted. When Sam finally had him naked he pushed him up against the wall and caged him in with his arms above his head, but instead of kissing him like he normally would he just stood there staring down at him. There was something unhinged and yet oddly vacant in Sam's expression, and he suddenly realised he was apprehensive because something just _wasn't right_ , but he couldn't deny Sam, not after hurting him so badly so he just stood still and let Sam look his fill.

Sam just kept staring at him, finally unbuckling himself one handed, and for a moment he thought Sam was going to try and push him to his knees, but as much as he hated blowjobs he knew he was hardly in a position to refuse right now, besides it was Sam, he could and had done it for him before. Sam didn’t seem to want that though as he dragged him forwards away from the wall, spun him round and shoved him hard onto the bed.

Sam had handcuffed him to a bed a few times in the past, but this was different, it was almost like he was doing it  mechanically, and even after he'd finished cuffing him he didn’t undress himself at all which was weird, in fact he seemed oddly un-aroused which made no sense considering his cock was at full attention.

Sam knelt between his legs fully dressed, spat into his palm and shoved his legs up as he cringed because Sam knew he _fucking hated_ spit as a lubricant, _it was as nasty as it was ineffective,_ but Sam didn’t seem to care about that as he used it and forced his way into him.

 _Sam was **huge** , _the spit was barely doing anything to ease his way, and he wasn’t ready, so Sam was hurting him worse than he had in a long time, but he didn't say anything, gritting his teeth against the pain instead, his breath punctuated by sharp exhalations as he let Sam take what he wanted... _it wasn’t like he hadn't been in this position with him before._ Sam actually felt like he was getting bigger and harder and it went from painful to excruciating. Sam stared down into his eyes for a moment and for an odd second he couldn’t read him. He opened his mouth to ask Sam what was wrong, but Sam pulled up his hips and started slamming into him fast and brutal making him cry out in pain, 'Sam stop' he moaned as the pain became unbearable, 'don't, not like this' but his words were cut off by Sam's large hand covering his mouth and nose, _he couldn't breathe_ , and Sam was tearing into him as he tried to speak, tried to escape Sam's grip over his mouth, that primitive, fundamental, instinctive urge for oxygen kicking in hard and fast. _Instinct didn't care that he didn't want to believe the person on top of him, the person inside him, the person who was supposed to love him the most was actually seriously trying to hurt him this way, instinct was not slave to reason or wishful thinking, **instinct** demanded he fight for air, fight to breathe, fight for survival as hard as he could as Sam lay over him fucking him hard and slow while he cut of his air supply like it was nothing. _

‘That burning feeling in your lungs Dean’ Sam ground out low and dark in his ear ‘the rage at what's happening to you, the pain of fighting so hard and failing, the suffocating, crushing pressure, the pain, the humiliation, the fear, the hurt, the way your heart is pounding, the way your blood is pumping as your lungs desperately try to keep you alive- _the way you're feeling right now Dean_ , **_that’s how I feel every damn day’._** Sam started fucking him harder as he struggled frantically, biting at Sam's palm until he drew blood as Sam sped up pumping hard and brutal, ‘this feeling Dean, the feeling that the person you love most in the world has let the pain get you, has torn you apart, has taken away your air so you can't breathe any more, **_that’s_** _how you made me feel when you let him touch you’_


	15. Prowl

Dean's throat was raw with panic, burning with the pain of fighting to breathe as he began to black out.

Sam's hand slid to Dean's throat squeezing hard as he covered Deans mouth with his, cutting off his last desperate gasp for air as he cruelly sucked the last vital breath from his mouth, coming violently hard inside him.

  


#  ** ************************** **

  


Breath, _air_ … the pressure in his chest, Sam was forcefully breathing air into his mouth, making him draw oxygen into his lungs so sharply it was almost as painful as suffocating. His entire body was shaking as Sam's blurry outline slowly came into focus as he drew in a deep breath coughing hard as it scratched at his abused throat.

Sam was still inside him, watching him almost dispassionately as he removed the handcuffs, and he saw red, lashing out at Sam, but he was week from almost suffocating and Sam held him down with ease, he still had that disturbing unreadable expression as he stared down at him, and he was officially done with Sam right now because there was clearly no dealing with him in this mood. Sam had just... Sam was aggressive in bed he always had been, but this went beyond liking it rough, it was like Sam had combined his sexual aggression with that cold calculating part of his dark side, _and he had scared the hell out of him for a moment there..._ ‘I don't care how angry you are with me he rasped his throat raw and unresponsive as he tried to form words, don't ever do that to me again **or I will walk** , _do you understand me'._

Sam pulled out of him without a word and he stood up to dress and leave angry that he let it go so far just to try to ease his damn guilty conscience over what? some budget foreplay and the worlds shortest blowjob. He was at the door car keys in hand when Sam slammed up behind him, thrusting him into the door, which slammed the door shut, 'where do you think you're going Sam hissed, in his ear, you don't get to walk out, not now, _not ever'_. Sam grabbed the keys and tossed them away tearing at his jeans and using his larger body to forcefully press him up against the door, ‘Sam stop we're not doing this, _I said get the hell off me Sam'_ but Sam wasn't listening, he hesitated to fight back for a second and that was all the time Sam needed to shove his jeans down and enter him forcefully. The door rattled as if its hinges would give out as Sam brutalised him, and he pressed back against Sam meeting his angry thrusts because he was pretty damn pissed too, and angry sex worked both ways, so when Sam spun him around, picked him and entered him again up was giving as good as he got. Sam walked backwards still fucking him somehow as he lay back on the bed so he was on top, riding him hard, but it was all wrong, Sam loved being naked with him, he always said it made him horny, Sam always talked during sex, always told him how good he felt, _always told him he loved him_. Sam **loved** being ridden by him, he shouted and yelled, and came so hard for him he said it was like exploding into a million pieces of ecstasy, and yeah, he mocked him for saying dumb shit like that, but this… Sam was gripping his hips moving him like a tool to use, as he growled like an animal. He'd had angry sex with Sam before but this was different... **_This was all wrong_**. Sam suddenly flipped them over and he let him, the fight gone out of him, because he'd done this, _he'd driven Sam to this, this was his fault._ So if Sam was being way too rough, and leaving bruises all over him he didn't fight back and he didn't complain because Sam clearly needed it like this, hard and rough, desperate and out of control, and because Sam **_needed_** it, _he wouldn't deny him_.

  


#  ** ************************** **

  


‘When I left before, I didn't get far, in fact your boyfriend ambushed me in the parking lot before I could go anywhere'.

 _Sam hadn't spoken a word to him in over 3 hours and this was what he opened with? Wait… Cas said he was being called away, he'd assumed the bastard meant heaven._ ‘so you two sort this stupid thing out?'

Sam's expression darkened further ‘Hardly' he spat, ‘he just said that nothing actually happened between you that night, that he tried to kiss you and get you to do _things_ with him but that he can see inside your mind and you kept thinking about me'.

Dean frowned, although it wasn't far from the truth it wasn't exactly the whole story; had Cas used his Jedi mind tricks to try and windex Sam's mind? wait did stuff like that even work on Sam with all the weirdo powers he had these days?'

‘Thing is Castiel is actually a lousy liar, especially for someone who wanted to screw you behind my back and lie to my face about it'.

He'd thought the same thing himself at first, _but now he knew just how good a liar Cas really was._

‘Unlike you I didn't believe a word that sunuvabitch was saying' so he said he would tell me everything, that he felt ashamed of his actions, that he'd been confused and you had showed him kindness as a friend, he said that he tried to get you too' Sam's face hardened as he growled ‘do something he saw on Casa erotica, but that he climaxed a few seconds after you touched him and he never got the chance, he said it was embarrassing, over quickly, and proved what you had been trying to tell him, which was that the two of you were a terrible mistake'.

‘Yeah well', Dean shrugged ‘I tried to tell you nothing much really happened' _it was kind of true, he had barely gotten his mouth on Cas before he blew his stack._

‘Here's the thing Dean' Sam hissed ‘I don't care what stories he wants to come up with after the fact to try and excuse what he did, **_and_** I don't believe for a _second_ that was all there was too it but I just don't have it in me to hear anymore from either of you right now. Sam sat up and ran his hand through his hair ‘I can't do this anymore'.

‘Sam I-

‘-No Dean, just stop it okay'.

‘Sam you have to listen-

‘I said **STOP'** Sam suddenly bellowed ‘I can't okay Dean, I just, I can't stand the idea of you and him, of you giving him everything he's ever wanted since he pulled your ass out of the hotbox'.

‘Sam it wasn't like that'.

‘That's exactly what it was, I can believe he tried it, _I just can't believe you fell for it'._

Dean touched Sam's back ‘Sam please'.

‘Don't just don't, there's nothing you can say that's going to make this any better, and I…' Sam's voice broke ‘I don't trust myself around you right now, I've been treading a thin line with you lately but what I did earlier…

‘Sam it's okay, we don't need to talk about that'.

‘Yes we do'.

‘Look Sam you were hurting I get it we don't need to'.

‘Dean, I… I choked you out'.

‘Sam'.

‘While I was fucking you'.

‘Sam just _stop'_.

‘Dean, while you were losing consciousness I-

_‘-I know Sam I was there, **I don't need the play by play'.**_

'I don't know what I'm capable of any more, I can't fight this thing that's eating at me, and I made you my anchor, my outlet, and when I thought someone else… I couldn't stand it, I don't even know how it happened it's like I snapped, and it just took over, the pain the anger, _and I wanted you to feel it Dean_ , I wanted you to understand that I was drowning and the person I trusted the most to save me… _I just wanted to make you understand,_ but not like that, never like that. I lost control, I let it slip, I let the monster that I turned into when I was drinking blood out and look what happened' Sam's voice was bitter, ‘I'm Lucifer's vessel for a reason Dean, if you weren't so attached to me you would see it, and you would have killed me a long time ago like I begged you too. What's it gonna take for you to stop trying to save me, huh? I broke your trust, I destroyed the world and still you forgave me, and now, now I've done the one thing I swore I would never do, I'm a monster Dean, I thought I was better, I thought I was cured, dried out, but I'm not better, god I'm worse, because it's you, it's _you_ and I-

‘-Sam stop it, don't talk like that, it wasn't you, I've never seen you like that and I've seen you at your worst, I think… I think you just snapped Sam, like you said, you couldn't take anymore and you lashed out, believe me I've been there'.

‘I want to believe that wasn't me Dean, that I would never hurt you on purpose, but I did, and it's not the first time, that fight we had over me going off with Ruby, I… I beat you down, I strangled you, _I could have killed you'._

‘It was a knock down drag out **_fight_** Sam, and you were hoped up on demon blood, I mean if we're going there, what about the time that he-siren fucked with me, and I slit your throat and tried to kill you with an axe'.

‘It's not the same thing Dean'.

‘ _It's exactly the same thing Sam,_ and you let it go because you knew it wasn't me, not the real me'.

Sam turned to look at him his eyes luminous his expression heartbreaking and Dean felt desperation crawling up his spine because he knew that look, it was the one Sam had when things were too much, when his belief that he was a monster, that he had to be or Lucifer wouldn't have him marked out as his, was beginning to take over, _Sam was going over the edge and he had to find a way to pull him back_ , ‘Sam please, look, do you need me to say I forgive you? because I'll say it, _but it wasn't you Sam,_ I've known you your whole life, I know who you are, you weren't yourself, everyone has their breaking point and you hit yours that’s all'.

‘I could hear what I was saying to you, feel what I was doing to you, but I couldn't stop, and part of me must have liked it Dean, I was hard, I was fucking you, I was choking you out, and when I came I… fuck I' Sam's voice broke ‘I liked it okay, I liked dominating you to that extent, I liked watching the way you're beautiful face contorted, the fear in your eyes, that's what I remember, I remember how much seeing you afraid of me, feeling you struggle, feeling you fighting me, how much it turned me on, but it was like someone else was doing it, like another me, I like making you feel good, I like taking my time, I don’t get off on hurting you, or choking you, I don't understand, My heads all over the place, but I can't be possessed and we're the only two people here so on some level it had to be me, and I can't deal with what I… _I can't risk doing something like that again'._

‘Sam it's alright'.

‘No it isn't Dean _'_ , Sam got off the bed and dressed quickly.

‘Sam we're going to be okay, we can't let this… it was nothing Sam, I made a mistake, I thought I was helping… he's my friend, that's all he's ever been to me'.

Sam turned to look at him from the door his expression complete and utter desolation ‘you know something Dean, you're not really much of a better liar than he is, that's what… that's how I know we're in trouble'.

‘No Sam you're wrong!' but it was too late he was talking to an empty room, and the impala was roaring away by the time he reached the door.


	16. Brand

‘Am I to take you standing at the door as acceptance of my claim on you?'

‘What the hell do you want now?' Dean barked slamming the door and turning around to glare at Cas who had appeared right up in his personal space as per usual and was having a good look to boot, _well it wasn't like he had time to stop and dress when he was chasing after Sam yelling for him to come back and frigging talk to him_. ‘hands off Cas, _' he barked as cas started touching him, 'this isn't an invitation'_.

‘Be quiet Dean, I'm healing you, Sam has made a mess out of you’, Cas ran his hands across Dean's throat and his expression darkened, ‘did something happen with Sam while I was gone?'

‘I've told you before, whatever happens with me and Sam is none of your goddamned business'.

‘And I have told you, you are **my** charge Dean, _that makes you my business_. Sam really should keep his hands of you when he's angry he's left handprints all over you… then again maybe he does it because he's trying to compete with me'.

‘The hell are you talking about?'

‘I am saying that Sam clearly wishes he could mark you like I have, But unless he can heat up his hands to the temperature of a branding iron, and mark you permanently **_I win'_**.

Dean punched Cas in the face. ‘This isn't a game _you dick'_ he growled between clenched teeth grimacing against the pain as his fist connected.

‘You're right' Cas hissed shoving Dean so he flew backwards onto the bed ‘I told you before that I was done playing pretend games with you'.

‘And I told you to back off and quit being an ass'. Cas leaned down as if caging him with his body the way Sam did when he was feeling particularly territorial, but Cas didn't have Sam's body mass and the stupid buttons on his stupid trench coat were cold against his bare skin _the whole thing just felt wrong_ , _ **and he was way past his limit with wrong Today.**_

‘You know what I want Dean' Cas purred disturbingly eyeing him like the proverbial cat that caught the canary. Well screw that, _Dean Winchester was nobody's frigging cannery!_

'I watched you with Sam earlier', Cas rasped staring down into his eyes as Dean struggled fruitlessly trying to shove him back.

‘Cas _knock it off_ , I've had it with your bullshit and -wait _you what?!'_

'I watched you with Sam, I arrived when he was having his rather aggressive way with you against the door, when he took you to the bed you were very _abandoned_ with him, I've wanted the same thing from you, _I've wanted you to ride me like that'._

‘You know what _screw you Cas_ , Sam is seriously pissed at me, and I frigging told you before quit perving on us! now back off and let me put some damn clothes on'.

‘I've watched you submit to Sam when that animal side of him takes control, I've watched you let him fuck the ever living hell out of you'.

‘Cas I've told you-'

Cas lay down on top of him fully clothed and he bucked up against him ‘Cas get off me'.

‘You let him have you, why not me?'

‘Cas we've been through this, stop fucking playing around! You know me and Sam-

‘-And you have forgotten the part where I am _not_ **_asking'_** , Dean struggled harder and Cas put his mouth over Dean's ‘now stop trying to fight me, it's useless'.

'Cas let me up, but I'm telling you right now the second you do, I'm gonna kick your damned grabby junkless ass'.

‘I have told you before, I have grown to like it when you mentally threaten me with violence'.

'Oh there's nothing mental about it Cas, I kick supernatural ass all day, and believe me when I tell you I will kick the living hell out of yours for the stunts you've been pulling'.

'Does this feel like a stunt to you?' Cas hissed against his mouth following with his lips as Dean moved his face away.

‘Really Cas, _this_ is your big plan, you're going to mack me to death'.

'No I'm going to fuck the ever living hell out of you the way Sam does'.

'You're not funny asshole'  

'Does this feel funny to you' cas hissed cupping Dean and stroking him.

'It feels like you're gonna be explaining to Jimmy why his meat suit is missing a hand'. Dean hissed between clenched teeth.

Cas actually laughed and Dean saw red lashing out, but Cas moved them so fast Dean felt dizzy as his back was suddunly pressed up against the cold wall.

‘Dean you are going to _beg_ me to fuck you' Cas murmured against his mouth.

‘Wow' Deans brows shot up 'Sam's right, you're seriously out of your mind'.

‘Am I Dean? Cas leaned back and eyed him almost pityingly, ‘go on pretend that's what this is, keep denying what you really want, keep sacrificing yourself to give your spoilt little Sammy whatever he wants because you think it's the only thing you're good at'.

‘What the hell are you talking about?'

‘ _You want this_ , you want me to take your choice away so you can do something you've wanted to do since you first met me'.

‘You're delusional pal, I don't want or need you getting all handsywith me like I'm the last hot chick at prom' Dean leaned closer his full lips twisted in a sneer, ‘and between you and me, I _never_ have to beg'.

‘but you're going to beg _me_ Dean, and do you want to know why? _because you **need** me'._

‘Yeah right, like I said,  _ **off** the reservation pal'_.

Cas kissed him slowly, his lips travelling over his face and neck as he rasped ‘Apart from the times his anger issues get the best of him, Sam looks up to you, he puts you on a pedestal, _he makes love to you_ , isn't that the way he puts it when you tell him that the phrase is banned?'

Dean scowled at Cas recounting his private moments with Sam like he had a right to.

‘You don't need to be made love to Dean, that's what Sam doesn't understand, what he's not getting, that's why he's not punishing you and dominating you the right way, he doesn't understand what you truly need. _I do'_.

‘You're crazy Cas'.

‘Am I?' Cas stroked Dean's cheek, then lightly slapped his palm against his face'.

‘Deep down your little brother still hero worships you because he doesn't know'.

Dean's face hardened ‘ _Stop it Cas'_.

‘He doesn't really know anything about the things you've done in hell, he doesn't know what you turned into, how much you liked it, he still believes it's all just you being too hard on yourself, that you should get a pass because you were in hell, because you were the righteous man and the deck was stacked against you. He just ignores that it was supposed to be your father but Alistair couldn't break him', Cas licked Dean's neck making him shiver and kissed his way back to his mouth ‘he believes the reason you've been so broken since I took you from hell is because you can't forgive yourself for terrorising souls, but you and I' Cas rasped his mouth hovering over Dean's ‘you and I know better don't we Dean. I know what your turned into, I know the things you did because I saw it, I saw you among the strapped down bodies ripping and tearing at them and enjoying every single second of it’, Cas stroked Dean's face, ‘are you really going to keep secretly drinking and hiding it from Sam, pretending it never happened, that you never turned into something worse than the things you hunt?'

‘Sam already knows about that I tortured souls, he knows that I broke, that I liked it, so nothing you could say to him would make any difference'.

Cas titled Dean's chin up running his hands over his body, squeezing and cupping everywhere with insulting ease considering how hard Dean was fighting him off, ‘oh come on Dean' Cas purred in his ear, ‘are we really going to waste time pretending he knows the _real truth_ about what went on down there'.

Dean's eyes narrowed his expression dark ‘Cas don't, I'm warning you'.

‘Don't want Dean? Don't tell Sam you became Alistair's right hand man _and_ his lover'.

Dean froze. ‘It wasn't… it wasn't like that, he made-

Cas stared into Dean's eyes and Dean's voice faltered and Cas shook his head slowly, his voice low and dark as he rasped ‘Remember who you're talking too Dean, I know you inside and out, and with the exception of Sam nobody _makes_ Dean Winchester do anything he doesn't want to do, _not even Alistair'_.

'It wasn't, I just…'

‘You needed a father figure Dean, an older man telling you what to do, and with your father dead and your precious Sam lost to you Alistair worked away at you until he turned you into what he wanted; but in the end you became his in every sense of the word  _ **willingly** , I wonder Dean what your beloved Sammy think of that_'.

‘You weren't there, quit talking like you know a damn thing about what went on, and newsflash, Sam doesn't trust you any more, he won't believe a damn thing you say even if you did tell him'.

‘Really? If Sam's earlier ranting at me was anything to go by the idea of you being with someone else isn't something he can take, and I'm guessing he will believe what I tell him when he looks into your eyes and sees the truth you have been so desperately trying to hide. I wonder, will he be able to forgive the fact that you became Alistair's, as easily as he forgave everything else you did in hell. I'm guessing he won't be able to take knowing that Alistair had you in _every_ way imaginable'.

‘Shut the hell up Cas'.

‘What do you think Sam will do when he finds out that while he was half mad with grief and being swallowed alive by the need for vengeance, you were busy being Alistair's favourite torture whore?'.


	17. Taste

‘-Ruby came and exploited Sam, twisting his grief and pain over your death until she manipulated him into freeing Lucifer, and while damning himself for the consequences he still believes nevertheless that his quest for revenge was true, because he believes you were being tortured, suffering in the depths of hell, if only he knew the truth’, Castiel's voice deepened to a low mocking rasp as he slowly kissed his way across Dean's throat murmuring ‘what would your Sammy think of his precious big brother then?'

‘Cas, please you can't-

‘- **WHY?** ' Cas suddenly growled grabbing Dean's shoulders his deep blue eyes sparking intensely, ‘If he truly loves you more than me or anyone else could, why can't he know you were letting the thing that tortured his father for over a century fuck you?’

‘Because-

‘-Because you know his petty jealousy where you are concerned would never let him get past the fact you belonged to someone else for over a _decade._ You know Sam better than anyone, and I will concede that you can read him in ways that even an Angel cannot, _so how is it that you are so blind to the simple truth about him?_

‘What truth, what are you talking about?'

‘ _Sam doesn't truly love you Dean_ , he's **_obsessed_** with you, _there's a difference_. He's wanted you since he was a child and he has selfishly pursued that obsession with everything in him _because that is who he is'._

‘You don't understand a thing about my brother'.

‘Don't I?- then answer me this; as soon as Sam decided that he wanted to be normal didn't _that_ become the thing he pursued with everything he had, even if it meant abandoning you, his so called epic love in the process?’

‘Since your little revelation giving me a play by play of our past, you damn well know why he left, so quit trying to make it sound like he ditched me and ran off for no reason’.

'The way I see it, Sam just traded in one obsession for another. First it was you and he pursued that relentlessly until finally he wore you down, then it was being normal something he knew he could only achieve by forgetting about you, so he abandoned you and put everything he had into that, becoming Joe normal, succeeding to the point that yellow eyes feared losing him and had his substitute for you killed to get him back on track.- and it worked, Sam's _new_ obsession became avenging her murder no matter who got caught in the crossfire. Then it was saving you from hell, then it was avenging you by killing Lilith, _then it was getting you back into his bed- **and I, fool that I am, gave you back to him**_ ’. ****

Cas stared down into Dean's eyes, ‘I never should have given you back to him, I should have known he'd latch on to you just as he had in the past, and that you would give in to him just as you always have. Regrettably back then I understood little of the complexities of human relationships, I had my orders and I followed them, even though the moment I touched your soul I knew you belonged to _me_ , that you were assigned to me for a reason. I foolishly thought Sam would be grateful for your return, instead he hated and resented me for even touching you, and his obsession with vengeance against Lilith raged beyond all control'.

 _‘She had me killed Cas,_ she pinned him down with her super bitch powers and laughed while I was torn apart by a damn hellhound. The last thing I heard was him begging her, screaming at her to make it stop... Being forced to watch, not being able to save me, it… did something to him. It changed him. I can understand why he wanted- why he _needed_ her dead. And so we're clear, if the positions were reversed I would have hunted that bitch down and killed her too _and nothing he, you, or anyone else could have said would have stopped me_. There was no way for Sam to know the consequences of killing Lilith, he was set up and you know it, _what happened_ _wasn't his fault!'_

‘Really? He wanted you back from the dead, I bought you back, _a miracle like that would be more than enough for most people!_ But it wasn't enough for Sam because he was _obsessed_ , _again_ , this time with revenge, and when that was over he went right back to his favourite obsession, _you_. **_That's not love Dean_** ; even as warped and twisted as you've been made by your experiences deep down you know I'm right, you know this thing with your brother is wrong, _why else would you be so ashamed of it?_  
This perverse thing between you and your brother only started because you gave in to him that drunken grief stricken night long ago when you should have turned him away, _and you've been paying for that mistake ever since,_ well that ends now. **I've had enough!** I am sick of waiting for you to see how wrong it is on your own, I'm sick of watching you try to convince yourself that Sam truly does love you, so now I'm challenging that, I'm saying if Sam loves you so much, if you truly are soulmates destined to be together, than Sam will forgive you for being Alistair's, even when you knew what he did to your fa-

 _‘-I didn't know_! he never told me until you made me torture him for information, I was about to kill him for it, but your buddy Uriel let him loose before I could, _and you couldn't finish the job Cas, so Sam had too'._

‘Yes, once Sam knew Alistair was the one who broke his precious toy it couldn't have ended any other way; but here's the thing Dean, none of that changes the fact that you were Alistair's of your own free will before I took you from him, _and he loved having you Dean,_ you don't know the fight I had on my hands to take you'.  
Cas rubbed up against him rasping low in his ear. ‘In that moment it wasn't about the righteous man, or the prophecy, it was about one thing only, he and I both wanted something, maybe for the first time in either of our long lives we both _wanted_ something with everything we had. He wanted to keep his favourite fuck toy, his pretty psychopathic torturing pet all to himself- and I'm not paraphrasing Dean he said it to my face- and me… from the moment I touched your soul… I was yours from that moment,  _I have been ever since, and you know it'._

Dean cradled his head, ‘stop it, stop it Cas, I can't talk about that, _I can't talk about this'_.

Cas pinned Dean’s hands down either side of his head smiling darkly, ‘and finally we get to it. The truth Dean, the thing that Sam _really_ couldn't forgive. Alistair made you his, that's how it started but it's not how it ended Dean, in the end you were together, _he was your substitute for your father_ -

‘-That’s a bunch of crap-

‘-Really? Then I didn't hear Alistair call you son while he tried to convince you he wasn't lying about you breaking the first seal?'

‘He didn't mean it like that, it's just a figure of speech, you never get those, and you seem to be conveniently forgetting the part where I tried to gank that sunuvabitch, it was your _traitorous dick brother who screwed it up’._

Castiel stared down into his eyes almost pityingly. ‘You trying to atone for your sins once I returned you to earth doesn't change anything' he whispered against Dean's lips as Dean clenched his jaw angrily. ‘He became your father, your brother, he replaced your lost relationships, _but_ _in the end he became yours more than you were his._ He came to the surface for you even though he hates it here. He took a human body for you, he purposely allowed himself to be captured so he could _let_ you torture him'.  
'I confess, it took me a while to figure that one out, what demon in his right mind would allow himself to be captured by Angels; but Alistair was no ordinary demon, he was second in strength only to Lilith, we couldn’t have captured him unless he wanted us to'.  
'He knew we wouldn’t kill him because we needed information. He knew we couldn’t break him and that would force us to bring you to him, which was what he wanted, because that's how it was with the two of you, he would let you practice on him, perfect your skills on him, because Alistair was immune to torture'.  
'He might have screamed and put up a good show- all the while critiquing your skills and suggesting better methods- but he enjoyed it, _that's why you're so good isn't it Dean_ , That's why we couldn't get anywhere with him, why he said you had not disappointed him so far when you picked up a blade against him. At the time I could not understand why he would say that to you when you had escaped from hell with an Angel of the lord and were fighting against him. I didn't understand that he was not disappointed, because when all was said and done you'd still come home to him; you were still practising your skills on him'.

‘You and that jackass Uriel _made_ me torture Alistair' Dean shouted, ‘ _stop trying to make it sound like a fucking date!_ You're twisting everything, you're twisting what he said'.

‘Am I!' Cas shouted back, you want to pretend you were his victim, his sex slave? **_you were his second_** _,_ you a lowly human who hadn't even turned full demon, who could still dream, strutting around the torture grounds of hell as Alistair's most trusted, his lover, his right hand'. Cas moved so his lips were against Dean's as he murmured ‘and if possible Dean you inspired that monster to even greater cruelty because as you said when you prepared to torture him _, you had a few ideas of your own'._

Dean looked away unable to stand his deepest sins next to what he did with Sam cruelly bared open by someone who was supposed to be his friend.

‘Don't look away Dean, _face up to it'_ Castiel sneered his face inches away, ‘ _or do you still want to play the game where Sam would forgive you if he knew the truth as I do'_. I think knowing you were in a **_relationship_** with Alistair would break him' he murmured sadistically while kissing the side of his face and running his tongue across his jaw.

Castiel's kisses became hot and demanding as he gripped the back of his head as if they were lovers, growling in the back of his throat. A  _pale imitation of Sam_ , Dean thought, wondering why it felt so strange when Cas kissed him. Objectively Jimmy Novak was good looking, his body surprisingly compact and muscular, he was even packing in his deceptively slight appearing frame, but… _it wasn’t doing anything for him_ , was it really Sam or nothing for him now? Because he was already getting more than he could handle he hadn't really put it to the test of late,-

‘ _Stop thinking about Sam_ ' Castiel hissed interrupting his thoughts.

‘It's not like I can help it Cas, maybe you should stop being a grabby ass hat and we wouldn't have these problems’.

Castiel smiled at him in that disturbing predatory way with that cat like mouth of his and he found himself recoiling, ‘I see we're going to have to do this the hard way Dean, _and you know what I'm fine with that'_ Castiel kissed his way hungrily to his mouth stealing his objections by forcing his tongue into his mouth.

Castiel zapped Dean over to the bed, pushing him down as he shook his head disorientated, ‘ _you need to be punished for betraying me_ , for choosing Sam over me, when deep down you've known since the day you first looked into my eyes what is truly between us'.

‘The first time I met you I shot you, stabbed you, and didn't believe a word you said, _don't rewrite history to suit your grab-ass agenda freak show’_.

‘You shot me, stabbed me, then you looked into my eyes and _recognised me_. You were not half as freaked out about the fact Ruby's knife could do nothing against me, as you were by that one fatal spark of recognition. In that moment you knew me as the one who had touched your soul, you remembered me, but you refused to believe it, shutting it out of your conscious mind, with the kind of resolute denial only a Winchester could summon at will, _and you've been running like a coward ever since. **Well no more'**._

‘Watch who you're calling a coward asshole' Dean growled, ‘and if you can poke around in my head as well as you think you can then you should damn well know this crap your talking isn't true, _I don't remember meeting you in hell'._

‘I'm fascinated by what you will convince yourself you don't remember. You do remember Dean, you've just buried it, **_see it now'._**

Cas placed his palm on Dean's forehead and Dean shouted as a raw hot pain lanced through his head as light exploded whiting out his vision ‘remember how you hid from me because you were ashamed when you remembered your old life, and realised that someone had come to take you back to it. You didn't want to go, Alistair fought with me, and he was winning and you struck him, don't you remember that Dean, even though you didn't want to go back, you saved me from him _and you let me take you,_ don't you remember how familiar it felt when the same thing happened on earth, Alistair and I fought, he was winning and you struck him to save me'.

‘But I…' _it had felt familiar, it made no sense at the time, he'd stared at the crowbar in his hands and been swamped with emotions, shock, fear of Alistair's retaliation, and déjà vu, the overwhelming feeling that it had happened before._

‘Think about it Dean why would you attack him for me? why would you risk your life, I was there to murder a woman you cared for and you still tried to save me, do you really want to pretend that came from nowhere? Is self-delusion really how you want to survive? Sometimes it fascinates me, other times like now it makes me want to shake you until your eyes rattle around in that pretty head of yours. I've had enough Dean I won't play this game with you anymore, it wasn't Sam who took you from Alistair, it wasn't even me it was you, no soul can be raised from perdition by force. You came to me as Alistair roared for you to stay, _you_ walked into _my_ arms, _you let me burn my palm into your flesh,_ you let me take you from that place, and you did it because of me, _not because of Sam, **you barely remembered him at that point**_ , he represented the good in you, and to survive you let him go, you let the monster inside you that grew with every hunt, with every kill, the monster that has always been hidden so well behind you're pretty face, out to play for too long. You're mind could never reconcile being Alistair's second and little Sammy's big brother, so you choose Alistair, you chose to be the torture master instead of the torture victim, and when you met me, you remembered who you used to be but barely, and it wasn't like you were raring to go back to a life were you were a nobody, so what changed your mind?'

 **'Me** , you wanted **_me_** Dean, you think you don't remember but you do, why do you think you felt so connected to me when you met me again on earth, you didn't remember me but you _knew_ me' Cas leaned closer, his lips against Dean, ‘You asked me my name when we first met in hell, and I told you it was Castiel, do you remember what you told me Dean?'…

Dean gasped his vision exploding with light, his eyes widening to their full extent as some heavy lock in his mind was sprung and suddenly he remembered ‘I said it was too long and weird sounding and that I was going to call you Cas for short, I don’t know how but I knew you were there for me, that you wanted me to go with you, but I was covered in blood, I was …dirty and ashamed for the first time in a decade. I wanted to hide, but you were so bright, **_so pure_** , and your wings were so beautiful I couldn’t look away, I didn't understand, I thought I was dreaming, I had to be, I didn't understand how anything so pure could touch something as dirty as what I had become and not be sullied by me… and look at us now, I guess I was right'.

‘Maybe, but you had me from that moment we touched, _and you know it, **you've always known it,**_ you knew it before I fell from grace for you, before I defied everything simply because you asked me too, and I'm tired of playing this game of you and me, we're nothing to do with Sam, and that is why in the end you will choose me. _I am going to **take** you from him, like I took you from Alistair, like I took you from Michael,_ in the end I am going to take the one soul that I can claim is truly _mine_ , and I am going to secure it in heaven no matter the cost, and I will keep you with me until eternity itself surrenders, until all sentient life ceases to be, **_do_** **_you understand?'_**.

Castiel kissed his way down his body as his mind was wracked with fevered visions of their first meeting, the blinding light that was Castiel's true form, he hadn't been able to see his features but it didn't matter because he'd never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life, this glowing humanoid shaped blue light, the electricity sparkling around it, the wings of fire, red and gold, the pure… _love_ coming from it, he'd walked into the outstretched arms and never looked back even as Alistair roared his name, _begged him to stay…_

His back arched and he shuddered as he was suddenly overwhelmed with sensation, _oh god Cas was…_ ‘Don't', he cried out weekly, but Cas wasn't listening, instead he was wrapping Jimmy's full lips around him and sucking him hard, his mouth both hot and cold, making him shiver and shake, and he could feel Cas inside his mind, showing him their first meeting in hell from his point of view, showing him the human soul that walked into his arms, that claimed him, _that ruined him_.

Cas bit down roughly on his cock, and he yelled out bucking up into the duel temperature of his mouth until he couldn't tell if he was being scorched by fire or burned by ice, his hands flew to Castiel's hair and he didn't know if he was trying to urge him on or pull him off as his hands fisted in his hair, his body a riot of sensations as he twisted and writhed begging Cas to stop, because he couldn’t take it, Cas was taking his body, invading his mind, and he was remembering, he couldn’t just see it, he could feel it, he could feel the searing heat as Cas burned his palm into his flesh, but that couldn't have been possible… he was a _soul_ there, _his physical body wasn't real_ , it was buried on earth…

Why hadn't he realised it sooner?! **_Cas had burned his handprint into his soul!_** No wonder Sam hated the mark so much, if they truly were soulmates as Ash once said they were, _then it had to be driving Sam crazy_.

He couldn't think about anymore because his body was in overload, Castiel was flooding his mind, making him see himself through his eyes. He saw himself in his own coffin, and for the first time he realised that Sam must have cleaned his body and dressed him in clothes identical to the ones he had died in, and for the first time Sam's determination to bring him back truly dawned on him, but he couldn’t dwell on it because Cas was kissing his swollen balls and where in the hell had he learned something like that?- but he couldn't form words to tell him to stop because he was sucking him back into his mouth even as Castiel’s memories pierced his eyes, flashing through his mind, streaking like bolts of lightning leaving devastation in their wake.

_Death was a natural part of mortal life, he didn’t understand his sudden aversion to the dead body before him… Dean's soul was in his hands, warm and alive and unbearably beautiful to him, he didn’t want to place it back into the decaying flesh before him. He had no experience of bringing dead humans back to life, what if in repairing and resurrecting the dead flesh he couldn't remove the taint of decay that that had infested the cells, what if the nucleolus memory of being so viciously torn from life, of stagnation, interment in the bowls of the earth where scavengers feasted upon it devouring flesh, cell, and organ remained?_

_Dean…_

Castiel released him from his mouth to kiss and stroke his length and Dean murmured unintelligibly confused and overwhelmed as Castiel flashed more of his memories into his mind

_Clarity was blinding, he knew what he was going to do, he'd been ordered to bring Dean Winchester back to life, no specifics of how had been given so he followed his feelings; alien as they were to him they guided him as to what to do as he was destroying the rotten flesh along with the things feasting upon it._

Dean gasped out loud as Castiel sucked him down to the base, deep throating him, the intensity of seething heat and icy cold driving him to insanity with unknown sensations, ‘Cas, stop, _stop’_ he was begging because he couldn't take it, his vision was blurring and his mind felt like it was burning, bright red, and oranges, pain and images as he again saw Castiel's memories.

_Even if he knew how, he would not rebuild this fragile human form with its previous roadmap of damage, he would not, this new body would be not be marred by blade or weapon, everything would be new, **unsullied**_

‘Please, fuck, please Cas’ he begged but tugging at his hair and pushing at his shoulders had no effect, his mind was churning, racing, as he realised the enormity of what Cas had done. It was why he hadn't had any of his old scars, why his tattoo was missing and he'd had to have it replaced.

He saw things through Castiel's memories that he couldn't fully comprehend, yet he knew that he was seeing Cas painstakingly recreating him from his molecules up, gruelling work that had taken its toll on his grace. He saw through Castiel’s eyes that only when he was completely satisfied with the results did he try to place his soul, which was gripped tightly in his fist into his new body; and in the process of transferring the pure, hot, volatile energy that was his soul into his flesh and blood body his grace had somehow become one with his soul _and_ his flesh, branding **_both_**. Dean's mouth fell open, gasping as Castiel sucked him harder, his mind bombarded with images as he saw the inescapable truth;  ** _Castiel had branded him body and soul._**

 _‘Yes Dean, do you see it now?_ Castiel's voice rasped mockingly in his ears, but he wasn’t speaking he was invading his mind while ravenously, licking, sucking and biting his cock

‘Cas stop, I'm gonna-

_I claimed you as mine when we first met, then I read your thoughts and knew you wanted me to take you_

‘Cas, ah, fuck, stop, _you're gonna make me_ -

Cas reached up clamping his hand down over Dean's mouth, muffling his protests, sucking faster and harder, aggressively forcing him over the edge.

_I claimed your soul when I raised you from perdition, and I claimed your body when I created it anew, and when you woke back on earth and we finally met face to face and I stared into your soul, I realised you had become mine in ways I couldn't even imagine; that **every** part of you belonged to me, and now I am going to take everything that is **mine** ’._


	18. Trial by Blood

Cas swallowed Dean down, licking his full lips as Dean lay beneath him flushed and panting.

‘I could not help but wonder if I would enjoy the way you taste, and I find I like it. _Your essence is as beautiful to me as the rest of you’._

‘ _Asshole_ ’ Dean spat. I didn’t ask you to do that!’

‘You were not complaining at the time’.

‘Yeah, I was! -And what's with the beautiful essence and you wanted it really talk? Where the hell are you getting these cheesy one-liners from Cas, _the rapey asshole’s guide book?’_

‘I think I will still want you when old age sets in’ Cas murmured as if Dean hadn’t spoken, stroking his hair as Dean glared at him, disbelief warring with fury.

‘When this golden hair you inherited from your mother and use chemicals to make darker turns silver, when age lines your face and wrinkles your skin, when jowls mar your features and the light in your vibrant eyes diminishes, I will still want you, because it is your _soul_ , Dean, not just your pretty face and body’. ‘ _I think I will still want to fuck you when you are eighty’._

‘Then you're a _sick bastard_ Cas’.

‘You think so?’ Castiel seemed amused.

 _‘Yes I think so_ ’ Dean hissed. ‘If I ever live that long, the _last_ thing I'm gonna need when me and Sam are in some old hunters home, is a randy ageless freak trying to bang me over my damn Zimmer Cas!’

‘If you wish it, I will take your soul to heaven before such indignities as failing to walk unaided befall you. -But believe me the end result will still be the same. I will have you wherever you reside. _Get used to it’._

Castiel smiled, running his hands over his body and squeezing like he had any right.

‘You better quit that while you still have hands asshole’.

‘You seem to like it when Sam does this to you’.

‘How many times Cas. Sam is Sam. _You're not him’._

‘No. I am better. You will soon discover this when I bring you more pleasure than he ever can or ever would.

 _Again with the cheesy one-liners_. Seriously, _had Cas been watching Skinemax?_ -And how come he could talk at the same time as full on evil smiling. _Who did that?!_ It was just weird! He stared at his odd almost cat-like mouth momentarily fascinated, until Cas started rubbing up against him _as if that was a thing they were just doing now._

He couldn't believe this was happening. He’d always thought Cas would be vanilla if he ever got around to having or even understanding sex, but as Cass stared down at him he could see the glowing in his blue eyes. That only happened when Cas was _about-to-smite-an-army_ level worked up.

Clearly, far from being the innocent clueless virgin he'd been playing at, Cass was actually a kinky bastard, who got his freak rocks off by pulling douchebag stunts like tricking him into blowing him.

Now he was grinding on him like the drunk chick at the prom and getting all smite-level hot under the collar, clearly getting off on the rapeyness of their current situation.

 ** _Well screw that_.** He didn’t know what was going on with Cas exactly, other than Sam being right about him changing since the fall, but changed or not, it didn’t give him the right to start rubbing up against him like a damn cat in heat, -and it sure as hell didn’t give him the right to act like he was actually gonna bang him even when he said no.

Seriously. _Who was the asshole trying to dry hump him to death right now, and what had he done with the nerdy-little-dude-with-wings who was his best friend?_

‘Cas, you better knock it off’ he growled about to bring his head up swiftly and headbutt some sense into him. Then he remembered it wouldn’t do him any good. Castiel’s body was like rock. He'd just end up giving himself a concussion while Cas would barely feel a thing. **_The lousy sonofabitch._**

Castiel's disturbing smile widening and the intense flash of heat in his glowing eyes said he'd meant what he said about getting turned on when he mentally threatened him with violence.

‘Yes, it does, um, _work for me_ as they say. You know, I really think I'm going to enjoy fucking you Dean’.

Dean's eyes slid shut as he sighed, ‘What part of _not going to happen_ are you not getting Cas?’

‘What part of nothing you say will deter me are _you_ not getting?’

‘You're mine Dean. **_Mine_** , not Sam's. The sooner you accept this the better’.

 _‘You can go to hell Cas._ You don’t get to decide who I belong to’.

‘Really? Because I have frequently heard Sam do exactly that’.

‘That's not… _it's complicated_ , and it’s none of your damn business Cas’.

‘Say that to me again’ Cas rasped kissing Dean hard when he opened his mouth, _‘even your lies taste sweet to me’._

Dean could feel Castiel's rock hard body was getting harder in one specific place, and he wondered if Cas being in a human dude’s body meant he had the same problem most dudes did with the little head thinking for the big head. Maybe this thing Cas suddenly had for him meant hard-ons were draining the blood out of his brain until he couldn’t think straight and no became difficult to take for an answer.

-Wait, _was that what all of this was **really** about?_ Had Cas discovered some kind of domination kink and didn’t know how to handle it… _that would actually explain the whole Cas getting a boner while watching spanking porn that time._

‘It is more than just um, _discovering a kink._ -Although, now that you mention it, I think I might like to do that to you. I hadn’t really thought of it until you brought it up'.

_Cass had to **stop** talking about what he was thinking as if they were having a two-way mutual conversation. **It was six miles BEYOND disturbing.**_

‘It is not disturbing. I have always read your mind Dean. You are considerably more honest with me there’.

‘ _You know what asshole_ -

‘-I will be honest with you as well. I am somewhat… overwhelmed by what I am feeling. It is like I want to somehow… _have **every** part of you._ More than being inside your body, more than being inside your mind. I have already done both. I think… I think I _want_ your soul. _Need_ your soul. Not to watch over in heaven, but to have, to _possess’._

‘… I know an Angel should not covet the possession of a human soul. - _But I want yours with everything I am._ When I am close to you like this I can _feel_ your soul reaching out to me. You have no idea how… I can't describe…

‘Perhaps this is why Angel’s and humans are forbidden from mixing intimately, to prevent this from happening’.

‘When all is said and done, perhaps I am as obsessed with possessing you as your brother, but unlike him, I have every right because you are _my_ mortal Dean. The very fact I raised you from perdition would put your soul in my charge even if I had not merged with it while I was resurrecting you’.

Cas leaned so close he could see the glowing flecks of crystalline white in his blue eyes.

‘Dean, _look at me_. What is between us is based on something _real_ , not incestuous childhood fantasies brought to life through stubborn determination and weakness'.

‘What you think you have with Sam pales when compared to _this_ ’ -Castiel placed his hand over the brand on Dean's shoulder staring into his eyes-, ‘ _that feeling,_ is your soul reaching out to me, telling you it belongs to _me’._

‘Our bond is as pure and ethereal as it is deep and primal’.

‘The hell are you saying? -and quit doing that _it feels weird’_.

‘I am saying’ Castiel murmured rubbing his lips against Dean's. ‘I will revere and cherish you as long and hard as I will fuck you deep and filthy into this mattress’.

Dean's mouth fell open and Castiel took the opportunity to slip in his tongue making Dean shiver with cold, breaking out in nerve tingling goose bumps even as his neck and ears heated up and he broke into a hot and cold sweat, his temperature plummeting and skyrocketing at the same time.

He tried to form words but couldn’t and was relieved when Castiel backed off. Being felt up by him was as overwhelming as it was disturbing and his body didn’t seem to know what to make of it any more than his mind.

'You will get used to it and I don’t need your permission Dean, because you belong to me, because you _need_ this’.

Castiel lay over him, his clothes gone as if they were never there. It should have been hilarious, instead his laying naked and hard on top of him was oddly terrifying, his weight greater than the vessel he was in, crushing him as if he had forgotten to control his power in his excitement.

 _Or maybe he wanted him to know how easily he could crush him_.

It seemed that way as he locked eyes with him, his hard cock probing forward, slowly pushing into him, his tongue suddenly in his mouth smothering his refusal as he drove into him until he could go no further.

 _It hurt like hell_.

Cas stayed still, to let him adjust or to make him feel how deep his cock was inside him he didn’t know. It was probably both as he was kissing him over his denials, swallowing his objections with his hungry mouth.

It was intense and strange to have Cas inside him and all he could think about was Sam.

It was intense with Sam as well, but in a completely different way. Sometimes, especially when they came at the same time, it was so intense for a moment it felt like they were one being instead of two, like their souls were somehow joined.

This was nothing like that, he didn’t feel joined to Cas, _he felt invaded by him,_ overridden, blotted out. He felt saturated, drowning, as wave after wave of unfamiliar sensations were crashing into him, filling him so he couldn’t breathe. He felt crushed, buffeted against hard rocks, broken and bleeding and taken apart. It was like Cas's spirit or essence or whatever was fucking him not the hard dick of his meat suit. It was like Cas really was inside _every_ part of him just like he said he wanted to be.

His pulse thundered, his blood flooding with sharp pinpricks of burning fire and stinging ice.

He could feel Cas inside his _flesh_ , his _bones,_ the rising beat of his heart.

He could taste Cass on his own breath. The icicles and ash taste of him fresh and cold like frost, hot and dark like smouldering red coals from a roaring fire.

He could feel Cas in the darkest parts of his mind that he kept hidden, he could feel his light or grace or power exploding into his mind, the blinding light exposing the darkness he desperately tried to hide.

_You cannot hide from me Dean._

He could hear Castiel’s rasping voice as if he were speaking to him, but his tongue was invading his mouth like his cock was invading his body.

_You’re my whore Dean. **Mine**._

Castiel’s voice rasped low in his mind, his mouth swallowing his objections, his cock plundering his body as he started fucking him harder and faster.

_Not Alistair’s whore, not Sam’s whore, Mine._

_You have belonged to me since the day we met and you willingly gave of yourself to me. Just as you are now’._

They had different views on “willing” but he couldn’t speak to tell him that because Cas was devouring his mouth, muffling and smothering his objections.

Their sounds were mingling, bouncing off the cheap motel walls as Cas moved on top of him. The overwhelming press of him skin to skin was like water sliding over him, forcing its way into him, drowning him in the multitude of sensations crashing, burning, crawling, and climbing over his body.

Everything was wrenching him up high and slamming him back down low until he was submerged, drowned, floating in a never-ending sea where he froze from the ancient chill of Castiel's power and burned from the intense heat of his skin, the unnatural press of his body keeping him on the edge of consciousness as Cas thrust into him fucking him deep and slow. His too hard flesh alien and unbreakable, forcing the breath from his lungs with every thrust. Their sounds mixing, the gasps being forced from the back of his throat combining with the deep grunting noises Cas was making. _The whole soundtrack filthy, deafening, and **wrong**._

His vision suddenly darkened and his mind shorted out, flaring bright and bursting with vivid streaks in an explosion of light and colour. He saw himself at a strange overhead angle walking with Sam and realised Cas was forcing images into his mind, the majesty of his celestial power at odds with the base way he was fucking him.

He saw himself talking and laughing with Sam, realising this must be how they looked to Cas as he flew above their heads spying on them. He saw the conversation turn into an argument, which quickly turned into aggressive kissing and Sam fucking him up against a wall.

He remembered that day, but it was humiliating to see himself like that. _Was it how they really looked?_ If he didn’t know better he would think Sam was forcing him. That _had_ to be why Cass was showing him this particular scene. He wanted him to see Sam was wrong for him by ramming the message home him with his power **_and_** his dick _._

_Cas had a real problem with the frigging concept of overkill._

_-_ And _he could go to hell with the judgement, because no matter how he and Sam looked, there was no way this could look any better._

Besides, Sam hadn’t actually been forcing him. That wasn't Sam's style at all. Yes, he had been going at him too much and too hard of late, but that didn’t mean he was some damn victim. Sometimes he fucked Sam too, and he would do it more, just like Sam wanted if the guilt didn’t always do such a number on him. -And at least with Sam he actually _wanted_ it most of the time, and if he didn’t at first Sam always made sure he did well before the end.

_Unlike what was happening right now._

As if in response, Cass grasped the brand on his shoulder while speeding up his thrusting into him. Suddenly he felt like electricity was running through his veins instead of blood. His breath felt like puffs of flame burning his throat, mouth, and nostrils as he struggled to breath. His body was dripping with sweat as Castiel ground into him faster and deeper his hand clamped to his shoulder, the sensation as if Cas was pouring liquid lust down his throat _and he was choking on it_.

His body was suddenly frenzied, responding to Cas, bucking up to meet his thrusts, and maybe it was his mouth crying out, his arms around Cas’s sweat slick upper body, his hands sliding down to his back to his ass, gripping him as he thrust into him.

His **_body_** was lost to what was happening.

_But his **mind** was lost in thoughts of Sam._

Before the Devil, before Sam started being consumed by rage, they'd once worked a case in a small near deserted town. The hunt had been brutal and he'd almost lost Sam, a split second later and… It had been such a close call he was still feeling it an hour later when they stopped by the local diner to grab a bite on their way out of town.

It was closing time and they were the only ones left in the diner so Sam didn't hide the way his eyes were narrowing in lust as he was telling him, “The way you're eating that piece of cherry pie is turning me on, _I want to feed you a bite”._ He let him because no one was around watching him do it, or listening to the low growling sound Sam was making as he was innocently sucking pie filling of Sam's thumb. Before he knew it Sam was dragging him out of the diner and he'd ended up in a secluded dark area of the parking lot with his pants around his ankles and Sam sucking him so hard he was shaking and trying to prevent his damn knees from buckling.

He knew he should stop him, not least of all because they were outside, but he couldn’t because Sam was doing things to his cock with his tongue that made him forget how guilty Sam blowing him usually made him feel. He forgot about his hang-ups and the fact they were in public and just gave Sam what he wanted, gripping Sam's long hair while staring down into his beautiful hazel eyes and praising him for being _so_ good.

That had the usual effect of getting Sam's dick iron hard, and by the time Sam slid up his body, entering him while begging him to tell him how much he wanted it, he was on **_fire_ ** for Sam. -To the point he wondered what was in the pie he'd eaten, because he was completely uninhibited for no reason he could think of. _He didn’t even care that they were in public._

Sam had driven him to insane heights, making him come so fast his head was spinning and he was gasping for breath, even as Sam was fucking him to another insanely hot climax, his voice hot and desperate in his ear, begging him to tell him he wanted it. _He did._  So much he couldn’t stop moaning _“I want you, I want you Sammy”_ , making Sam lose control thrusting frenziedly into him in the right spot to have him crying out in pleasure, coming as Sam was _growling, “ **it makes me crazy when you say you want my cock inside you,** fuck, I'm not going to last much longer, keep saying it, keep saying it, oh fuck , **Dean** ”,_ and suddenly Sam was coming, kissing, and fucking him all the same time.

When they eventually straightened out their clothes and started heading back to the car, Sam pulled him into a hot kiss and make out session. He kept doing that all the way to the car and it took ages to weave their way to the Impala even though it was the only car left in the deserted lot.

What little lighting there was in the parking lot was now turned off. No one was around. The Impala's soon to be steamed up windows would give them a measure of privacy, and even if someone did appear out of nowhere they were parked at the secluded end of the lot in a black car in the pitch dark. He'd interrupted his fair share of backseat lovers while working a case, so he knew shining a torch at fogged up windows didn't really let you see much of anything, so he felt secure enough to let his guard down a little as Sam urged him into the back so they could make out some more.

The Impala's back seat was cramped for two men their size and they could barely fit but they didn’t care, they were too busy teasing and touching, grinding tight against each other and working themselves into a sweat-drenched frenzy. The windows fogged up even in the summer heat and despite making out all the way to the car they were still hungry for each other, their hot mouths melding together as they kissed. Their cocks hot, hard, and dripping wet with pre-come as they rubbed together while he rode Sam until Sam couldn’t take it anymore, switching their positions and working his way into him, both of them sucking in their breath as the pleasure was even sharper than before.

It was more intimate than what had happened out in the lot. It was just the two of them, together, shut away from the world in the one place they could truly say they belonged. He relaxed, gave up control and let Sam have his way. He didn’t even tell him to knock it off as he was whispering _“I love getting to take it slow like this. I love making love to you, it’s so fucking **hot** ”_ in his ear, because It was so _insanely good,_ he couldn’t string a sentence together about Sam not using the banned words even if he'd wanted too.

Their eyes locked and held and Sam slowed right down, thrusting gently, staying in the right spot, the pleasure building and building.

It just got better and better, more and more intense until he thought he was going to explode, _and then it got unbearable,_ and they were both crying out, hurtling over the edge at the exact same time, but instead of falling they were racing higher and higher, wild explosions of pleasure wracking their bodies until he didn’t know where they ended or began. They were **_samanddean_** _,_ one word, one being, stretched out against endless pleasure, taking them so high their fevered delirious joy battled the very real fear they might _die_ from it if they couldn’t find a way to come back down.

Sam told him later that in that moment his only thought was that he loved him, and **_it was so damn good if it killed him he would die deliriously happy._**

_He'd been thinking the exact same thing._

Eventually, the insane upward delirium subsided just a little, enough for them to come crashing back to earth, clinging to each other, trying to survive the aftershocks rampaging through them, shuddering and gasping loud and hard for breath yet unable to stop kissing. Their lips joined, their bodies joined.

In that moment, time seemed to stretch on forever and he'd _felt_ their connection. It felt like their spirits, hearts, and _souls_ were joined, that they truly _were_ one, and he'd never forgotten what it felt like.

_That was how he knew what was happening with Cas now was **artificial.**_

_It was nothing compared to the real thing._

The way Sam could make him feel couldn’t be duplicated. Not even with celestial power.

Cas could use it to do things to his body, altering his physical reactions. He could put visions in his head. He could invade his dreams and apparently have a fine time with him in his subconscious. _-But he couldn’t_ make him choose him over Sam.

_That just wasn’t possible._

If that was because he was messed up and had issues so be it, because when all was said and done _he did belong to Sam._ The fact he didn’t like anyone including Sam saying it to his damn face didn’t make it any less true. _He'd be an idiot not to realise the hold Sam had on him by now._

The truth was he'd been lost for Sam the first day he ever saw him. Of course, he'd never imagined then, that it would turn out like it had now, but he'd known he'd willingly give anything for him the second their eyes locked and held.

He and Sam had issues, sure, but he was _always_ going to choose Sam.

_That was one thing that had never, and **would never** change._


	19. Trial by Fire

Castiel's thrusting into Dean became manic and disjointed, the sudden increased onslaught on his body dragging him out of his safe haven thoughts of Sam. 

Cas removed his hand from the brand on his shoulder and he was able to unwind his body from Cas, to take in what was happening. 

He lay under Cas flushed and panting, looking up to see Cas raised up on his arms above him, his blue eyes wild and glowing, his full lips parted, his breathing laboured. He was dripping with sweat his forehead and hair damp with it. 

He'd seen Cas take on literal armies and not break a sweat. Was railroading him into having sex really that intense for him? 

He remembered Cas's reaction to the less than quarter, of an already half-assed blowjob he'd given him and decided it could. Cas had blown his stack almost instantly, coming apart and moaning, telling him it was even better than anything he could have imagined. 

All he'd been able to think was he'd barely _touched_ him and if Cas thought that was good yet alone great he really didn’t know much about what good sex was supposed to feel like, never mind the kind of explosive sex he had with Sam. 

Of course, he'd had no plans on giving Cas a personal demonstration of what good sex was supposed to feel like, -and technically, despite what was happening right now he still hadn't, _because this was about as far from good sex as you could possibly get._

Cas was _shaking_ , and his cock deep inside him, stretching him painfully, felt even bigger and more inhumanly hard than before, and what was happening suddenly dawned on him - _Cas had **stopped** _ right when he was about to come!

_**!** Where the hell was all this frigging restraint earlier when it might have done them both some good?!_

‘Yes. I think I am about to -as you say come, something is happening. It feels… very good. But you do not like it. I thought I could um, _get you there in the end,_ like Sam does. -But I must be doing something wrong. You are not enjoying it with me the way you do with him’.

It was probably the least of things to get pissed about considering the circumstances, but he was suddenly furious that Cas was once again having a conversation with his private thoughts. -But what else was new. Why would a man, scratch that, feathered freak, care about invading his mind when told no when he thought nothing of invading his ass when told the same thing! 

Permission, boundaries, and now apparently sexual consent were things Cas didn't seem to even understand the _concept_ of where he was concerned. 

Was Sam right, did Cas really think of him as _his_ in that _-You're mine and I can do whatever I want to you_ way that Sam sometimes did?- _Because that wasn’t a good thing._ Sometimes it wasn’t even a good thing with Sam and it least in Sam's case there was some grain of truth to it. 

‘Of course you are mine Dean’, Castiel's voice sounded strained. ‘That's why I can have you like this. It is not wrong, it is the way it should be’. 

‘Now stop thinking about Sam’ Cas rasped laying over him and kissing him, which made him shiver violently because it was like being touched with the frayed end of an electrical socket. ‘I want you to like having _me_ inside you. I want you to call out _my_ name’, Cas's breath was hot against his ear, his voice low and demanding, ‘I want you to call out for me while you release your seed as I have seen you do before, then I can do the same within you, and I will call out your name’.

Dean gritted his teeth, unable to form words because Cas was rocking into him deep and painful. 

_There was no way._ -Being groped by the feathered asshole currently masquerading as his best friend hadn’t got him hard at all, yet alone worked up enough to come, and it wasn’t like either was difficult to make him do. He could get hard remembering shampoo commercials in the middle of the frigging day _while driving._ -And Sam could and had sucked him from nought to climax in less than 60 seconds. 

_Cas was the problem here._ He might be able to get all handsy with the brand he'd burned into him, using it like some kind of celestial Spanish fly and making his body feel like he was on fire for Cas, like he wanted Cas to fuck him. But he didn’t. _His dick wasn’t even mildly interested in anything that was currently going on,_ and apparently, Cas didn’t have celestial Viagra. 

‘Why won’t you become errect and reach your climax? I do not understand what I am doing differently from Sam. When he has you, even if you hate it, and even when it hurts, some part of you still enjoys it because you get pleasure from giving him what he wants …But not me’.

 _What would it take for Cas to understand?_ He'd told him to his face, he'd more or less blown him to show him, and he'd given up fighting and arguing and let this happen _and he **still** didn't get it!_

**_Did he have to frigging spell it out in Enochian?!_ **

‘I can understand your thoughts in English Dean. I just do not believe them. I know I can make you like it’. 

‘No asshole’ he finally managed to grit out through sheer rage even though he was suddenly shivering, his teeth chattering from cold even as his body was sweating and he felt like he was burning up. _‘I won't, like this ever._ _It feels weird and I don't mean in a good way’._

Cas stilled completely. ‘… You do not want this’ Cas stated, in the same way someone might state a person didn't want a cup of coffee.

‘No’. Dean ground out furiously his full lips twisted in an angry snarl, his green eyes _blazing_ with rage.

‘I must have done something wrong, that is why you do not like it’ Cas rasped. His tone suggesting he couldn’t understand _what_ he'd done wrong much less how.

‘There are so many different components to intercourse, perhaps I omitted some key part without realising it. Sam usually performs fellatio on you, while you object and feel guilty. Then he commences intercourse, whether you are still objecting or not. I have observed, on average, about midway through, if you are still objecting he begins an onslaught of kisses and caresses combined with a litany of frankly disturbing things he likes to say to you. He seems particularly fond of refereeing to your biological bond in a sexual manner. It is, for instance, the only time I ever hear him referring to you as “big brother”. Granted. You often admonish him, but I believe that is part of the pleasure for him based on his reactions, and you, far from stopping him physically respond to him nonetheless, emboldening him and giving him little chance to realise the error of his ways, even if that really was your intention, which I have observed it is not’. 

‘By this time, if you are still not responding the way he would like, he performs feats of what can only be described as athletically skilled intercourse. You are usually aroused by this if you were not before, and ejaculate shortly thereafter much to Sam's triumph. He then proceeds to act and sound like an animal, in particular, a dying bull in the savage throes of death’. 

‘… Perhaps I did not initiate enough caresses. I thought I did, but perhaps I was mistaken. And of course, I could not suggest you call me little brother the way Sam does because that would make no sense in this context’.

Dean did not know whether to laugh scream or cry. He was spared thinking about it when Cas nodded his head stating dryly ‘I have somehow made a mistake’, and **Rage** flooded him, Snapping him out of the shock and horror of Cas dissecting his sex life with Sam _while still rammed deep inside him._

_**‘A mistake, REALLY CAS!’**_ he exploded in a fury, blind rage pumping through him, because despite being a supposedly superior being Cas still didn’t get the simplest things about humans! 

‘Yes’. Cas answered emphatically.

Dean's eyed widened, his expression a mixture of rage, frustration, and disbelief. How the fuck could Cas play him for a fool, pretending he knew nothing about him and Sam when he'd been spying on them for years _and_ plot to bang him behind Sam's back and **_still_** be oblivious to sarcasm?! Was Cas playing him even now? _He had no idea what to think anymore._

‘I have been selfish Dean. This is what _I want_ from you, but it is not what _you need_ from me’.

‘-The hell are you babbling about, he growled trying to push Cas off him, but Cas held him down and kissed him again, and again, holding his head still when he tried to move his mouth away. 

‘I will stop now, no matter how physically difficult I find it is to stop at this most critical moment. Because it now occurs to me that that I will never prove to you that I am the better choice this way. You are simply too accustomed to being used’.

Dean's eyes narrowed dangerously. ‘Cut the amateur shrink routine he growled. ‘ _My_ issues are not the problem here Cas, yours are! You're the one that built up this dumb idea about us in your head and the fantasy couldn't stand up to the reality, _just like I frigging told you!’_

 _‘_ Now. Have you _finally_ got it out of your system and through your damn head Cas? – ** _We're never gonna work_** _’_.

‘But I do not understand how I could be _this_ wrong… You were honest with me in your subconscious. There you expressed-

‘-First of Cass, _quit talking about my damn subconscious like I'm supposed to know what the hell is going on there -_ and second, **_get the hell off me!_** _’_

Cas was sitting beside him fully clothed before he could blink. The aching in his body was gone and his skin was tingling like he'd been scrubbing it with bicarb of soda and a boar bristle brush for hours. He felt so ridiculously clean, he was convinced he had to be sparkling like some god damned Twilight reject. _He felt like rolling in gravel just to even out!_

He sighed knowing Cas wouldn't understand “inhumanly clean” so there was no point trying to explain, or request he fix him with mojo in the amount of just normal human-level clean, _as opposed to the frigging molecular level decontamination this was_!

He sat up in the rickety, damn near destroyed bed thanks to him and Sam and now he and Cas and sighed. There was an uncomfortable buzzing sensation inside his body, like deranged bees were zipping around in his blood and his skin was tingling vigorously, it was like his very nerve endings were raw. What the fuck had Cas done to him?

Cas put his hand on his shoulder and seemed to be concentrating. 

The feeling began to subside and Castiel nodded. 

‘You were feeling that way because of a transference- 

_‘Screw the nerd science Cas!’_ he snapped feeling his body return to normal. ‘We _seriously_ have more important things to talk about right now, so listen up asshole, because believe me we are only going to talk about this _once_ ’.

‘I don't care _what_ you think I said to you in in my subconscious or dreams or whatever, or why you thought that meant I wanted you to bang me. Dreams are not reality, _THAT'S WHY THEY'RE FRIGGING CALLED DREAMS! If you'd just quit bad-touching my damn subconscious **you wouldn't have these frigging problems Cas!’**_

Cas looked at him thoughtfully as if mulling over what he said and then to his outrage he slowly shook his head dismissively. ‘I enjoy your subconscious Dean. I have told you repeatedly, you are completely honest with there’.

Dean took a deep breath reminding himself again that punching Cas in the face wouldn't make any difference. Castiel’s eyes flashed heatedly for an instant and he quickly stopped thinking about punching him, suddenly reminded that Cas now got his grabby asshole rocks off over violent thoughts he directed at him. -Seriously, **_what the fuck was even with that!_ **

Cas looked at him thoughtfully for a moment and Dean's eyes slid shut in despair _because he knew that look,_ it was an expression Cas wore frequently, and he knew the question that always followed it. 

‘You are angry. Why are you angry?’.

Despite knowing it was going to happen he couldn't fight the overwhelming disbelief and rage crashing into him like a tidal wave **_because was Cas fucking serious right now!_**

‘But I made my intentions perfectly clear, I told you that I would-

 _‘- **Cas!** ’_ he barked, trying and failing for patience with his former tight ass, _now-batshit-crazy-with-misplaced-hornyness,_ friend. 

He took a moment and inhaled a deep breath, fighting for calm. Because he understood the gravity of the situation he was in. 

Nothing, short of ganking Cas could really stop him from doing whatever the hell he wanted, he was an Angel after all. -And since he wasn’t prepared to gank him -not _yet_ anyway- the only chance he had was to make him see reason and stop this nonsense about them being together. As it was, if Sam so much as got wind of what just happened here it would be all out frigging war. _They were already **in** an all our war! _ They couldn’t afford to add civil war to that! Then there was the thing where Sam wasn’t exactly stable right now! 

Nothing good could come of pushing him further off the reservation.

‘Cas’ he tried again through gritted teeth, trying his best to sound calm and reasonable. **_Difficult when he wanted to kick Cas’s ass all over the frigging state!_ **

‘Cas, I need you to listen to me, and really, _look at me_ , really _hear_ what I am saying to you’. 

Cas stared at him and he fought down the rising tide of fresh rage -because he knew this frigging look as well! It was another Cas gave him frequently. It always meant Cas was ignoring what he was saying in favour of poking around in his head and confusing himself trying to translate his thoughts _instead of just listening to what he was frigging saying to him!_

He tried his best to project his _thoughts_ through his words… or was he trying to project his _words_ through his thoughts… He didn't know how the hell it worked! 

Right now, Cas was less like an Angel -albeit a deranged one- and more like a bratty sibling, the kind that held his sister’s stolen journal holding it high above her head and reading it aloud while she was powerless to stop him. 

‘Quit poking around in my damn head and listen! Whatever you have going on with dream-me when your being all _and weird and dream-rapey_ is clearly confusing you to the **_reality_**. So let me wise you up there feathers. What just happened was me giving up and deciding to throw you the pity bone because it was the only way to get you to understand. -We. Will. _Never._ Work. As. Friends. With. Benefits’.

‘Look sex isn't a big deal for me, I'm easy and proud of it, so even though it goes against the no other dudes rule I have with Sam, to keep the peace between you and him I took one for the team. **_One_** Cas. The _Sum_ _Total._ It's done. It sucked. It's over and it's never happening again. I'm not gonna say I told so, _even though, I frigging did!_ I'm just gonna say we are _never_ speaking of it again and it goes without saying that we are **never** mentioning this to Sam. -Speaking of which _would you get out of here before he gets back and finds you in bed with me’._

Cas was silent for a moment before looking at him warily. ‘I see I have approached this the wrong way’.

 _‘You frigging think?!_ Dean shouted in disbelief

‘I… believed this was the best solution-

 ** _‘-How!'_** Dean exploded losing what little grip he had on his temper. ‘I _told_ you this wouldn't work! _why the hell couldn't you just listen instead of trying to frigging bang me?’_

‘I _have_ been listening to you Dean, but it seems have been misinterpreting’.

‘Really. The part where you tried screwing me and I wasn’t into it _at all_ **_finally_** give you a clue? _-It was the frigging weirdest sex I've ever had in my life,_ and I've done weird! It was like banging an alien, -which you kinda are- but not the hot sci-fi babe kind! -And FYI that freak two-temperature thing you have going with your tongue goes on with your dick. _You try having some rapey bastard cram his thermostat of dick up your ass **and see how you frigging like it!** -_ And I don’t care who you are, no **dick** ever gets _that_ _hard!_ It's a dick Cas, _not a fucking cement pillar for a load bearing wall!_ I've handled legit crowbars that were softer! And don't even get me started on how I felt like I was fucking drowning, -I mean under water, can't breathe, _drowning,_ through most of it because _I don't even want to know what that was about’._

‘… It is possible my power was overwhelming you mentally and physically and that was the best, or I should say, the only way your human mind could process it’.

 _'What the hell does _I don't want to know_ actually **mean** to you Cas?'_ -And double FYI you ever and I mean **_ever_** call me your whore again **_and I will gank your ass! You hear me Ca-_**

-Castiel jolted, his head snapping up and Dean paused mid-enraged rant at the look on his face.

Stunned, Dean decided, was an odd look on Cas. Maybe his face was just too used to squinting while he was poking around in his brain, or frowning when he didn’t understand a human phrase or action, -which was most of the time. 

Right now, Cas looked pass-out-and-die shocked. He wasn’t sure he'd ever seen him look like this before. But it was a whole world of firsts with Cas these days, _and none of it frigging good!_

‘What?’ he snapped irritably as Cas just kept on staring at him, his expression frozen as if the old adage about the wind changing and your face getting stuck that way was true. 

‘… Why, do you say that?’ 

‘What do ya mean **_why?_** ’ Dean raged glaring at Cas. ‘ _You're the one that said -or thought it!_ You said, thought, _whatever_ that I wasn't Sam's or Alistair’s whore I was yours, and I was giving it to you freely like when I walked up to you in hell’.

‘You _heard_ that?’ Cas finally asked his tone a mix of disbelief and Dean thought possibly awe?

‘What? -You calling me your whore while won't-take-no-for-an-answer banging me? Yeah I _heard_ that! Why wouldn't I? you said -I mean thought it right to me!’

‘I was not thinking it to you Dean, we do not share a mutual telepathic bond, such a thing is _impossible_ between a human and an Angel, my thoughts should burn the mind of any human’.

‘Oh, believe me Cas they did! Like I said before, you're a sick bastard especially if you truly believe I was doing any of that freely. _Grudgingly_ having awful, weird, alien sex, because the alternative is a civil war style cluster fuck staring your best friend and your brother, is a pretty fricking far cry from _willingly_ doing it Cas’. 

‘As for the damn hell memories you unlocked in my head _without me frigging wanting or asking you to-_

‘-It was the only way Dean. The only way for you to truly know how deep what is between us runs. That it is so much more than you fooled yourself into believing so you could continue this perverse poisonous relationship you have with your brother’. 

_‘_ Oh you are just hitting home runs in the asshole department today Cas! Just perfect. I mean we are talking _MVP level douche-bagary’._

Cas smiled then actually chuckled, his deep raspy voice resonating through the room, _and he felt rage flush over him_ **_because this was about as far from freaking funny as you could get!_**

‘What's so god-damned funny Cas?’

‘You, me, our bond. It both amuses and enthrals’.

‘Really?!’ Dean gritted out, ‘because gotta tell you Cas, _I'm not really feeling either of those things about our **bond** right now! _ Especially since your acting like that justifies you feeling that you're entailed to bang me! _So you can screw our so-called bond if that's what it puts in your head_ … poor chose of words, _but you know what I friggin mean Cas!’_

‘You are truly fascinating to me Dean’ Cas mused as if he hadn’t spoken. 

It was an annoying trait Cas had been displaying as part of his general, _I'm-fallen-so-now-I-hump-my-friends-without-asking_ , crazy he had going on. It was probably a good thing his Angel blade was secure in his duffel, because if he had it in his hand right now _he would shove it so far up Cas's ass-_

‘-This bond we share, _the depth of it_ ’ Cas rasped on as Dean glared at him enraged, gritting his teeth so hard they ached. ‘It is something even I do not fully understand sometimes’.

‘Yeah’. Dean seethed _‘well understand this you sonofabitch._ If _anyone_ else tried what you just did _I would be deep frying their ass in holy oil right now!_ -And if you don't shut yer damn pie hole about our bond and how fascinating you find it **_I still friggin might!_**

‘Sam, in fact, does what I just did to you all the time, especially lately, and I rarely hear you threaten him about it’.

_He was going to **beat Cas to death with his bare fucking hands!**_

-The flash in Castiel's eyes stopped him launching himself at Cas and pummelling him. That and the fact he was still naked… _and_ it wouldn't do him any good because Cas’s body was as hard as concrete. … and, _Cas would probably like it._

He sighed defeated slowly opening his hands which had balled into fists.

‘I think I might enjoy it if you did that to me. It wouldn't really hurt me, and I like the way you having aggressive thoughts towards me _feels_ in your mind. It is almost akin to your sexual feelings in its intensity, although you prefer not to be sexually violent. That is your brother’s domain, especially lately’.

‘I wanted to try spanking you when I was inside you but-

-Dean inhaled long and hard, closing his eyes and drowning out whatever Cas was saying about spanking him _before he went Guantanamo on his ass and fuck the consequences._ -Although if the consequences were a violently aroused angel trying to bang him, it would be him that got fucked so… counting to ten, then twenty, then thirty. 

He opened his eyes and fought for calm. Another minute passed, two, five, ten, fifteen. 

Cas, he realised, was not moving a _fraction_ of an inch. Content to just sit there and stare at him with his disturbing unblinking stare. No human, not even those yoga masters he'd seen on national geographic one time could be _this_ still, and it was situations like this that made him really understand Cas wasn’t human. Not like he understood generally that Cas was an Angel, but specifically that he was a _completely_ different species _wearing_ a human _as clothing_ just as the human he currently wore in turn wore a suit and trench coat. 

The more he thought about it the more disturbing it got so he tried to think about something else, but it wasn’t that easy with Cas just frigging staring at him while frozen stiff. Right now, Cas was like some kind of perverse marble statue, or semi-rapey android in power-down mode. 

He wished he would just **_unfreeze_** _,_ _didn't he get how creepy it was?_

Cas suddenly leaned to the left as if to accommodate his wishes. _And he found himself wishing he hadn't._ first off, he leaned _way_ too far, it did nothing to lessen the creep factor when an ordinary human would have just fallen the fuck off the bed and Cas just straightened up like it was nothing. Second, it meant Cas had just been sitting there, still as a statue, reading his mind, _again_.

He took another long deep breath. He had to stay on mission. Even if it meant swallowing his rage. _After all, it wasn't like anger was the worst thing Cas had forced him into try to swallow this week._

‘You know what Cas, underneath my rough hunter exterior you and I both know I'm a nice guy’ he intoned smoothly, trying his best fake diplomacy, the one he used when he was working a case as a fed and trying to smooth over ruffled jurisdictional feathers. ‘-And if you _promise_ me right now, that you will never try, or even _speak_ of **_any_** of this again, I promise I will let this go, -because despite you being a _colossal bag of dicks_ right now, you're still my best friend, and I'd rather Sam didn't try ganking you over this stupid thing you have about you and me-

 _-Cas was suddenly in front of him_ making his heart leap in his chest, the air whooshing around him as Cas descended on him. 

_‘How many friggin times Cas!_ **Stop doing that,** one of these days your gonna give me an actual heart attack!’

‘-If such a thing were to ever occur Dean, be assured I would fix your heart’.

‘Let me guess’ Dean sneered his tone both snide and exasperated, ‘with the power of love?’ 

Cas frowned confused. ‘No. The power of focused electrical currents’. 

Dean sighed. 

‘Um… that is not of import right now. I will be back Dean’.

‘Oh really, your leaving, no stay, have a beer’ he drawled with dry sarcasm.

‘I do not drink beer Dean. I cannot stay, I must make things right. -And I _will_ get it right the next time I come to you. I will give you what you want, what you _need_. I will fix everything and you will choose me’.

 _‘The hell Cas!_ Dean thundered outraged, ‘haven't you been listening!!! **_Learn to take no for an answer asshole!_** _-_ Because if I can lightly stab a winged dick with an Angel blade without killing them, then I can **lightly** cut off your damn dick off _without killing you! You'll be junkless, **and** junkless if you ever try that again **are we clear?’**_

Cas completely ignored Dean's outburst grabbing his face and cradling it almost tenderly in his palms while Dean stared at him, opened mouthed disbelief winning against rage, **_because what the actual fuck!!!_**

‘I will fix this Dean’ Cas stared down at him, his blue eyes full of vehemence.

‘Let go of me asshole’ Dean spat trying to jerk his face away even as Cas held him firm. _‘What, the hell, is with the cheesy face grab?_ Have you been watching daytime soaps again? 

Cas just stared at him. His blue eyes were burning bright with their intensity and he wondered if Cas had just straight up gone nuts, _like balls out crazy nuts._ Because that would explain a lot. 

… _It would also mean he had an insane, all-powerful celestial being on his hands and no idea how to fix him._

‘Cas’ he tried again, because it was all he could do short of painting angel wards on his ass, - _which he would consider doing except how the hell would explain that to Sam?_

He had to focus, he had to say the right thing here because if there was ever a time to talk a crazy ass celestial being off a ledge _this was it!_

‘Cas, buddy’ he cajoled forcing himself to unclench his teeth. ‘I thought we talked about this? I told you that stuff will rot your damn brain even if you are an Angel, -wait, was it something you _watched_ that turned you into a rapey bastard? _Because it wouldn’t be the first-time porn gave you crazy ideas’._

‘I’m sorry if I hurt you Dean’ Cas went on again as if he hadn’t spoken.

_‘Would you let go of my damn face already?!’_

‘I'm sorry if you did not like the feel of me inside you’.

_‘Oh. My. **God** ’._

‘-It was indescribable for me’

_‘Cas, will you **stop** talking!’_

‘I cannot even imagine how good it will feel when I get you to like it’.

‘Cas!’ he yelled, frustration blowing his attempts at calm, diplomacy, and ledge talking to pieces. ‘I frigging- I don't’ he sputtered unable to find words through his rage ‘I can't! **_Jesus!_** WHY WON'T YOU GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN HEAD! You're not supposed to screw your best friend. _That's why they're your best friend!_ It means they're off limits jackass! -And yeah, I get that you're having trouble understanding what's off limits after watching me and Sam, _but that's what you get for frigging spying asshole!’_

‘Make no mistake Dean I _will_ get you to like it, but I will not try again until I understand how’. 

Dean sighed. The fight, the anger, all of it just _draining_ from him. He felt impossibly tired all of sudden. Crazy Angels to the left of him and unhinged sibling lovers to the right. _Why did he bother coming back from hell again?_

‘You cannot mean that Dean’.

 _‘Shut up Cas!_ -And you know what _good luck with trying to bang me or some other poor schmuck when I turn you into a damn eunuch! -_ Because I'm warning you _that's what’s going to happen if you ever try that again asshole!’_

Castiel stared at him some more and Dean sighed and moved to get dressed, relieved when Cas was content to apparently just stare a hole in his back without trying to stop him or speaking, _which was a good thing because he'd had it with the weirdness coming out of Castiel's mouth today!_

He pulled on his pants trying to ignore the way he could _feel_ Castiel's eyes on him. When he turned around he was pissed but not surprised to find Cas was eyeballing him in a last-cold-bear-in-the-cooler kind of way he didn’t appreciate at all. He'd been leered at plenty in his life, he was handsome, it happened. -Sam had made an art form out of it. But _this_ was legit like being drooled over by E-frigging-T. **_He didn’t want it and he didn't need it._**

 _Why couldn’t Cas be some, preferably busty, girl best friend?_ One who he might actually _consider_ banging even though he was with Sam. 

_It was like Cas genuinely didn’t seem to get that he was a **dude** , _even after he told him that despite what he and Sam had going on neither one of them were actually gay.

It was like Cas actually believed his whole ‘I have no gender’ spiel meant anything to his disinterested dick. -And how did Cas even expect him to understand that when he had a literal dick, that he'd been, on last count: _waving in his face, getting him to more or less suck, and frigging trying to bang him with!_

No gender his frigging ass! - ** _Literally_**. 

He sighed for what felt like the millionth time today. Between Sam and Cas going off the reservation on him, if there was such a thing as a sigh bone _he would be well on his way to frigging breaking it._

‘You would prefer it if I was a female, um, if I was in a female _vessel?’_

‘What?’ He pulled on a t-shirt - _Damn it_ Sam had ripped this one, did he even have another one that was clean in his duffle?

‘Dean. Would you prefer me to be in a female vessel?’

Dean shrugged. ‘Why the hell are you asking me that Cas?’

‘You wondered why I could not be a busty female friend’.

Dean sighed. ‘It would be easier on the eyes Cas for sure, but it wouldn’t really change anything. I'm with Sam. That’s all there is to it’.

Castiel seemed to be mulling this over although he couldn’t understand for the life of him what there was to mull. 

He pulled a t-shirt out of his duffle and sniffed it. _Not acceptable._ He stuffed it back in and ran his hands through his hair. Sam's t-shirts were a little big on him, what with Sam being a sasquatch an all, but they would do in a pinch. Sam was better at keeping up with laundry than him so he had to have a clean t-shirt or two, besides it was Sam's fault his t-shirt was ripped in the damn first place. He rifled through Sam's duffle, he was owed a shirt and he was taking it -‘God damn it Cas!’ he exclaimed finally noticing the state of the room. 

‘This place was a wreck after Sam went all fuckzilla on me. You can’t just go fix everything! -I mean yes, we get our security deposit back, and no bruises makes me look less like an idiot who lost a bungee jumping contest, but nobody heals that fast, and furniture doesn't heal at all. Sam's gonna know you were here, put everything including me back the way it was! You're not exactly Sam's favourite person right now and I _do not_ need him going off the deep end again today’.

Castiel eyed him for a moment, and he pulled up on the look on his face, because it was one he had rarely seen, and _never_ directed at thoughts of Sam before. _It was pure smiting rage._

**_That couldn't be good_**.

‘I care **_nothing_** for what your brother thinks of me’ Cas gritted out, the angelic ire in his voice so strong it was making disjointed and inhuman sounds, the terrible pitch that he knew could smash windows, burst ear drums _and burn his damn eyes out of his skull._

‘If Sam doesn't want me healing you _then he shouldn’t be damaging you in the first place’._

‘Woah, whoa! turn down the amp on your voice Van-Halen! I don’t need my head exploding’.

The sound stopped immediately and Cas seemed to visibly calm himself as he looked at him earnestly. ‘I would _never_ hurt you Dean’.

Dean rolled his eyes, because if Cas thought getting rough-banged with a cock his size when you weren't into it in any way went off without pain _he was literally sorely mistaken._

‘I was not aware that you were in any pain… _I did not sense that in your mind’._

Cas looked puzzled and Dean sighed. 

‘Trained fighter over here Cas, I'm used to blocking out pain’. 

‘… but this was not a _fight_ , it was supposed to bring you pleasure’. 

Dean looked incredulous for a moment and then sat down and gave Cas a measured look. ‘Cas what does the term _epic fail_ mean to you?’

Cas stared at him for a moment. ‘…it was not my intention to cause you physical pain Dean. … I was unaware of it… I should have still been able to… perhaps I was _overwhelmed_ with the sensations… That must be it. Another mistake. I will be more careful in future’. 

_‘There won't be an in future asshole!_ -And Sam isn't damaging me. It wasn't like that Cas, so **_do not_** go saying that to him’.

Castiel's expression was so sombre it almost distracted him from how mad he was him.

‘Dean. You must realise something is wrong with Sam of late. I have watched your… _interactions_ for some time, and even I understand enough about sex to see he has become increasingly violent with you, and even if I were still as clueless as I once was, the marks around your throat when I arrived here would leave me in little doubt of what was going on’.

‘It's not… Damn it Cas, _stop looking at me like that_ and stop making me sound like some damn battered wife! Sam's going through something right now I’ll admit, but you are partly responsible for driving him off the deep end today _and you know it,_ so quit acting like you're trying to help _when you frigging started it!_ ’

‘I did start it Dean’. Cas agreed nodding his head emphatically, ‘and _believe_ _me_ I _will_ be the one to finish it’.

Dean sighed his eyes sliding shut. ‘Cas why do I get the feeling you're talking about you and me and not sending Sam off the reservation?’ 

He opened his eyes and found he was talking to himself.

_Cas had disappeared._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Not about that waiting for the update life? Want some more good reading right now? Why not check out all of this ;D_
> 
> ###### 
> 
> I think it's safe to say Hot steamy Wincest is your thing if you have read this far. How about Wincest with less of a plot and more of unadulterated smut?! ;D please check out [_**As Happy as Larry**_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9708401)
> 
> _Dean rides a mechanical bull and Sam is not going to take that laying down any more than I was when I saw it and realised they were taunting us poor fangirls directly in the face! ;o_ 

> 
> ###### 
> 
> If you want to join us on the Darkside of the force why not try [_**Smith and Wesson**_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/992744/chapters/1961692)
> 
> _Poor Sam is a mess. Unable to understand who he is and unable to control his attraction to Dean._ 

> 
> ###### 
> 
> If you would like a whole new spin on things why not take a look at [_**Hunted** _](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1057769/chapters/2118972) ...Also pretty dark, just saying ;D
> 
> _It starts with a simple question: How far would you go to get what you want?_ 

> 
> Fancy a story that tackles the elephant in the room where Sam and Dean share a heaven? Check out [_**Soulmate **_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6530224/chapters/14940058)
> 
> _A new case forces Sam to think about what Ash told them in heaven, because if he and Dean really were Soulmates, **they were targets.**_ 

> 
> **__ **
> 
> ###### 
> 
> Love you some bodyswap style shenanigans, and unabashed high jinks? ;D Check out [_**Angel**_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/946470/chapters/1848093)
> 
> [](http://archiveofourown.org/works/946470/chapters/1848093)
> 
> _Something unexpected happens to Cas and Dean is not exactly helping matters_ 

> 
> _Now personally I do not believe this story is dark at all; it is mostly just dark humour. However, I have been told I am quite mistaken and Dean's full blow obsession with girl-Cas is just not right!_ 

> 
> ** curiobi  ** @ ~ . ~ @
> 
> ###### 
> 
> Still not sure I got what you need? Why not check out my [_**curiobi Master Fic List**_](http://fanficpics.wixsite.com/curiobi-fic-list)
> 
> There's a brief intro including a post ~~rant~~ about corporate a-holes trying to high jack our right to squee and ship who we want to! Then each chapter is a list of all my works in that particular Fandom. Please check it out I'm sure I have something for you gurl, and if not why not give me a prompt in the comments! ;D 


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